Have you ever thought....
When two people part after too much love, they will never act the same way when being together and everything becomes awkward (uncomfortable?..I have doubts).
That's a fact. Inspite of all the promises, inspite of the efforts.
And now you are there and not, so cold and distant sometimes..like a
complete stranger. But so sweet in my memories. And I am dying to talk to you but I am scared at the same time...scared of everything, of your coldness, of what you might say, of the truth that I have been trying to deny because love is so blind. Yes..so blind. (Remember my game? "Close your eyes"?..well, I think I have closed my eyes and never opened them again).
Love makes you feel like a child, behave like a child, and then you can't go back to make things better. It's done. And you have to take the
consequences because after all, you are not a child anymore...of course.
It takes strength to love. This is something I was just thinking right now and I didn't even realize how fun it sounds coming from someone whose heart is so weak. (crazy...blind and crazy heart). But you know me..I'm just talking. Maybe it's the only thing I can do for now.
My fears are always here. And it gets worse at night when everything is quiet and I am with no one but myself and my thoughts. (like right now). And I make up silly stories of greetings and hugs, flowers and kisses (like right now), knowing that it's not going to happen in a million years. (Hey Vivi I know you do that too). :D
I am scared of my overwhelming love for you that I don't know how to hide. Because I know you, and I know what are the things that you wouldn't like to hear from me right now...(It would set you back, I know..)
You are so far away (in every way..but I can't distingish which way is the most painful).
I feel anger. Not at you. You did what it had to be done. (hum-who knows what's the best thing to do?) But I admire you for that, I admire your
common sense that I never had. (I'm not sure if those are the words in english for what we call "sentido com�n"..see? I don't have it :D)
But still..it sounds so absurd that "I will never forget you" (which is probably the best thing to say when you are about to dump someone).
I am supposed to hate you but instead I fall in love with you everyday like a rebellious act.
I'd better go to sleep now if I want to live a "normal" life. (I don't wanna be normal..I mean, usual) People are boring most of the time..(and what do I worry about? Uh?)
Y ahora somos como dos extra�os
que se van sin m�s
como dos extra�os m�s
que van qued�ndose detr�s.
Despu�s nos hemos vuelto a ver
alguna vez y siempre igual
como dos extra�os m�s
que van qued�ndose detr�s
m�ranos aqu� diciendo adi�s)
march 5
4.10 am
I had a dream last night. I dreamt of sweet words. With no other meaning that what they exactly wanted to mean.
But they scared the demons away last night, and I could sleep well.
I had a dream....beautiful dream. (was it a dream?)
Now I am sitting in front of the computer doing nothing, just watching the screen. Sometimes, and not in my dreams, I think I see your face. Your hair hanging around your ears..stringy..I hold your head with both hands and kiss you gently.
march 5
5.30 pm
