It was all planned. You planned every day and every word. Every move was
perfectly thought in your twisted mind. And now I understand. That discussion the night you assured I was hiding something when it was you who was hiding something big. You were just testing my limits and patience. Seeing how I would react to a (possible) break up. Examining my thoughts and feelings. You were so cruel.
It was all a perfect lie. Like when your computer was broken and you sent it to Austin to be fixed. I spent ten days without talking to you, getting content with just a few words in short emails. And now I realize all you wanted was to test me. You were searching possible ways to dump me (you love that word, don't ya?) without having to confront yourself with the truth.
And when I questioned your profile in friendster because I didn't get why you were looking for dates when we had a perfect plan for our future, I gave you what you were exactly waiting for: the best opportunity to leave me. I told you I wanted to know if there was someone else, 'cause I'd rather know the truth. And you denied it, you convinced me with the sweetest words and promises. You spoke of marriage. You spoke of babies. And I believed you..because I loved you.
But five days later you wrote that well writen email, so precise and measured. You were no creative enough so you stole me the idea...and made up a relationship with a woman that never existed and that I never believed it could be real.
Now I know. That night, a year ago, you said "no guts, no glory"..and I didn't understand the meaning of that phrase until today.
I am happy because I know I have always had the guts..every day since I met you..every minute..especially these past months when the truth was so imminent. But you never had them. You never had the guts enough to tell me the truth. Maybe you did love me. I don't know. But love is made only for strong people. And you are just a coward.
"Y aunque quiera quererte ya no puedo
porque dentro del alma tengo miedo
tengo miedo que se vuelva a repetir
la comedia que me ha hundido en mi sufrir
todo te lo d�..todo lo perd�
siempre puse el alma entera
de cualquier manera, soportando afrentas
y al final de cuentas me qued� sin fe."
Sunday 4:30 pm
