How sad I feel now. It was one of those days when your memory haunted
me. Like a tragic ghost. Like a shadow, it followed me everywhere.
I miss you so much. Even though I know I am better than some months ago.
I am not taking pills anymore and doctors say I am almost recovered, but
I know it is not that easy..I still have a long way to go..maybe the most difficult part is coming.
I miss you. I shouldn't say it but I do. Not the one who has been hiding from me this past year, avoiding my questions, avoiding the truth.
I miss the person I fell in love with. The one I met that cool evening..it seems so long ago. I miss the butterflies in my stomach everytime I thought of you. It doesn't feel that way anymore.
I feel empty. Incomplete. With the feeling that a million things are going unsaid between us but they will stay in the dark forever. Like a mystery. I don't think I am the one to blame for that. I have always wanted to talk.
I am standing in the middle of the road knowing exactly what I have to do next but absolutely paralized. I am scared. Scared of falling in love again and suffering. Scared that it might not be real again. Scared of giving everything and losing it all.
God..how much I want to find the right one..how much I need to be loved..at least for just a minute..I need to feel just a part of what I give everyday.
I dreamed of you last night. It was a repetition of the last time we talked and I got the same feeling that when you answered back. I thought "now that we are talking after all this time I realize how much I have missed you". But you were cold and distant and I thought "whatever God decides..it is always the right thing".
Yes, it is always the right thing. I pray everynight for my soul. For my heart. I pray for you to be happy, whoever you are. And I pray for finding someone like Jenny Owen, though I doubt there is someone like her in real life. She is too good to be true.
