fog: noun .........2 (area of) cloudiness on a photographic negative, etc,
making the image unclear. / 3 puzzled and confused......
I have never seen a foggy morning like the one we had today. It was cold
and I wanted to stay in bed for a couple of hours more. When you work at night, your life goes upstream everyone's lives. But we needed to finish some reading with the guys for school and I just couldn't say no.
I do things mechanicaly lately. I get up, look at myself in the mirror for some seconds (sometimes I don't recognize that woman in front of me).
I eat something and get ready for my day. Boring day. Confusing day.
Everything is so hmmm how to say it..weird without you. So vulgar.
The people, the streets, my thoughts without you.
I have been feeling better, it's true. And I really don't know why or what are the true reasons for that change, because I haven't seen you in..a month?. And this is when I start thinking about a whole bunch of possibilities (some of them really crazy and impossible..others, reasonable and possible). And I get in a complete fog about the situation, trying to fit together the shapes of this absurd jigsaw. But I always get to the same point. This foggy issue..most of the times taking the shape of questions with no answers. And I realize that I will never get what I want from you. You have the answers but for some reason you never wanted to give them to me. So it's no logical to think that I
could get them now, after six months. I am in a maze. So lost.
Some days I give up the fight..but most of the time I struggle with some
strange power, something that takes my breath away everytime I look at
you, everytime I think of that beautiful time when you loved me, when I was so happy that I could start crying with joy for that blessing.
I can't see in the fog. I walk awkwardly hitting everything on my way.
It's like a bad dream and I can't wake up. (wake me up...call my name...let's start over again..hold my hand tight and take me home..)
Take my hand...guide me in this fog, hold on to me..don't ever let me go. Don't ever let me go..
12:45 am
May 7
yes...yes. It's Evita's birthday today.
