"a bad day yesterday...... one of those days where all my thoughts were consumed by him, which i hate but cannot escape".
Ashe put in perfect words what happens to me almost everyday.
After an exhausting weekend of hard work and short sleep, I went to bed at 4 am on saturday night and a nightmare woke me up reaching sunrise time.
I was all of a sweat and the sheets were all messed up. The dream was weird (like any dream) and anguished. I dreamt of a conversation with someone I don't know who told me that you lied to me all the time.
That your real name was Julie Cross (who is Julie Cross??!!), and that you were a famous singer....haha. The sad part is that I felt like I was dying inside for falling for someone I couldn't get to know in reality..and all I asked myself in my dream was "who is she then?"
And I knew it was all over...all over. It was like you never existed.
I know why I dreamt of that. It was because the conversation I had with Vivi that afternoon. She is so upset with me because of the way I am behaving about all this. But what is worse..she is even more upset with you..because she thinks you are playing with me, with my heart and feelings. And that you were scared and confused and that I don't have the guts to move on in my life and I am all the time justifying you.
She pisses me off. She doesn't know anything. Nobody knows anything.
Only you and I know very well what we had and felt, and what is left between us, if there is something left..
Only you know me well and I know you well enough to understand your words now, though I do admit sometimes you confuse me a little. (just a little?)
I bared my heart and soul to you. I have given you everything. What else do you want from me?. I have my head under the water and I can not breathe..I need some peace.
Let me see you..let me see your body under the moonlight and your eyes sparkling..Let me touch your heart once more.
May 9
Sunday twilight