Let’s Talk it Over

By CriSHty & SHia

Authors’ note: Sequel to “Anything For Me”

Disclaimer: This is a slash story written just for fun. No profit from it. No infringement of the rights of the authors of the series intended.

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Hutch didn’t notice when he started to feel annoyed, but the fact was, something in his relationship wasn’t in the right place. After almost one year of pure delight and luxury, beauty and peace, gradually, their lives had changed to a level that wasn’t the most comfortable. At least, to him. Starsky was always a man of attitude. A strong personality tied to a child spirit encapsulated in an Adonis body. The most interesting human being in this earth, that’s for sure. But, a challenge to anyone who dare to live with him. Since their first day together until now, Hutch had been the happiest man, despite all the difficulties that their forbidden love brought. His lover gave to him a sense of plenitude, tenderness and he never could feel more loved and adored. By his side, he also felt complete. He loved and cared for his precious lover. The one that deserved to be loved in that way and nothing else.

But…and that was the problem, recently, he was feeling controlled all the time, without space… It seemed that if he looked to anyone, male or female, a pair of violet-blue eyes were glued to him… He didn’t know when this exactly began…maybe…in that night when they were in The Pits? The night was great, but suddenly a bunch of astonishing girls entered, and obviously the guys around got excited. Friday night…beautiful people…. Like a hurricane, Hutch felt his lover sat beside him, almost over him, not giving space to anyone else in the booth they were. His leg was insistently caressed under the table all night, not giving him a chance to forget his lover’s presence.

Or maybe it was in that party where a certain guy insisted on talking with him all night. If a look could kill, this guy would be a dead man by now…. Starsky looked at him giving the silent message, but still very clear ‘leave my man alone’. Hutch felt very bad that night. He understood that Starsky had some needs, some insecurities. This was part of his charm, and Hutch always felt thrilled by knowing that he was so loved, and he liked to know that he had this responsibility. Take care of this beautiful and gentle heart. Give him the amount of love that he needed. But limits are part of any good relationship. Probably, Starsky even noticed his own behavior. Like in anything else, he always acted by instinct.

Anyway, something was wrong and Hutch needed to deal with it as soon as possible. Thus, he was determined to talk with Starsky that night. It was Friday… it’d been a complicated and draining week. But he couldn’t keep this situation between them.

“Hey Hutch….I’m done here…. What d’you wanna do? A quiet dinner at home, dance and chat with Huggy at The Pits, walk on the beach… a movie…”

All the options were irresistible things to do with his lover, but he couldn’t let Starsky distract him with his charm. “I want to talk… We need to talk.”

Starsky wasn’t surprised with the answer. Hutch had been a little quiet all day. Something was going to happen.

“Ok… let’s talk… where do you wanna talk? The beach… my place…your place….?” Deep violet blue eyes were staring at Hutch in a mischievous way.

The same charming way…. Starsky was trying to ease the mood. Trying to distract Hutch, and making him get his desire in full force.

“Your place…” << If you feel angry… you won’t have any place to go…. Any place to run to…>>

During the way home, Hutch was basically in silence. Starsky followed the mood. When they entered the apartment, Starsky announced… “I’ll take a shower… there’s beer in the fridge…suit yourself, babe…” He then headed for the bathroom.

Hutch got a beer and sat on the sofa waiting for his lover. <<you’re running from me… you’ll try all you dirty moves…>>

Starsky finished his shower and he came out wearing nothing else than a sweat pant, barefooted and bare-chested, he entered the living room. He smiled at Hutch, and sat beside him. “D’you wanna take a shower too?”

“No… and I’d really appreciate if you could put on a shirt… I’m here to talk with you, not for a romantic night Starsk….”

“Ok…Hutch… I’ll put on a shirt and we’ll have this talk. But I’d really like to know what in the hell is going on here? Why are you treating me like that. I’m not trying to seduce you….”

“Yes, you are! You’re trying to distract me because you know pretty well what this is all about.” Hutch yelled at him.

Starsky ran to the bedroom and returned with a T-shirt. He sat on the table in front of Hutch and remained in silence staring at his lover. His eyes were dark with a mix of anger and fear.

“Starsk… there’s something wrong with us… with our relation… I’m not feeling happy at all….”

“Are you saying that you’re not happy with me anymore…? You don’t want to be with me anymore?” Starsky’s eyes were full of fear.

Hutch felt the need to hold him close, but he needed to go on. “No… I’m not saying that… I’m saying that your behavior…you’ve been acting like I am your property….”

“What are you talking about?” Starsky was very confused.

“Ok… I’ll give you some tips… In parties, I can’t talk to anyone but you. When a girl is close to me, you start acting like a sexual maniac… letting me know that you’re there all the time…It doesn’t matter where we are or who we are with… In the precinct, in the gym or in the shower, you’re always checking if some other guy is looking at me…. This is ridiculous… Can’t you see it?”

Starsky stood up and went to the kitchen. “Love you isn’t ridiculous… I love you, Hutch and I thought that this was good for you too….”

“And it was… IT WAS good for me, but your behavior… Starsk… you can’t deal with me like I am your toy…or a kind of property. You always have been a little possessive, and I’d be lying to you if I said that I didn’t like to be loved in that way. But …but now… you are over…” Hutch was sincere and his voice was even colder than he wanted to be.

“Are you saying that…now it’s not good to be with me anymore?”

“In the way that we’re living? No. I can’t live in that way. I need my space back. I want to live a normal life. I don’t want to have a sentinel, a watcher or whatever you are now…. I never gave you a single reason to be jealous…. What happened? Why are you so insecure about my love?”

“I’m not insecure… I just love you and want you to be mine… I just want to take care of you… give you pleasure…. A life of love and peace… ”

“PEACE???? How can I live in peace if I have a bulldog watching me all the time? Don’t you see that this is impossible?”

“I just want to keep you safe from the others… people could hurt us… I don’t want to see you hurt… The world out there is pretty crazy, you know….”

“We live in this world. Crazy or not…is our world. I can’t have peace living this way! You can’t put me in a box. We can’t live separate from the rest of the world… Starsk, you’re manipulating me… you’re always trying to keep me far away from people… You need me exclusively…. This is not the way to improve our lives to live a healthy relationship. We need some kind of interaction with other people. I know that people can hurt, but this is life! Starsk… I’m not your shrink, I’m your lover and friend. But I do know that if you keep acting like this, sooner or later, we’ll be facing serious problems.”

“Are you saying that you’d leave me?” Insecurity and fear were all he could feel inside.

“No…stop acting like a kid…grow up damn it!!! I’m talking and talking and talking here, and you’re only worried about being with me.”

“But this is the important thing to me! If you’re not with me anymore…I don’t care about anything else!”

“You didn’t understand anything that I said, did you? I can be with you all my life, but if I’m sad and felling controlled ...I’ll be the most unhappy man in this world. I don’t want another Vanessa in my life….” As soon as he said the name of his ex wife, he regretted it.

“Vanessa? Are you comparing me with that bitch? Me? It seems that we already have serious problems to face, Blondie!” His blood was boiling in his veins. “I could’ve been acting a little possessive, but I’m not a self-seeking, manipulator and merciless person. My feelings for you almost drove me crazy… I gave you my heart … my body, my soul, my life. And now you come with this bullshit. If you think that I am or I will be another Vanessa in your life, you can go away…right now… GO AWAY, don’t look back and you’ll be free.” His eyes were filled with tears. He opened the door and waited for Hutch to leave. He was almost over ventilating.

“Starsk… I’m sorry…I didn’t mean it… Let’s talk, babe…” Hutch was regretting his words, but he had his motives to lose his temper.

“Go away, Hutch…. We don’t have anything else to talk today….”

Hutch crossed the doorframe and gave a last look to his lover. Starsky was staring to the floor, incapable to look into Hutch’s eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you Starsk…I’m just trying to make some important things clear between us… When you calm down, please call me. I’ll be waiting.” Hutch left and took a cab to go home. Starsky closed the door and paced as in some kind of trance around the living room. Suddenly, he tossed down everything on his bookshelf with his fist. He threw away the beer bottle and magazines that were on the table. His living room was a mess in few minutes. That night none of both lovers would get a good sleep.

They had the weekend off, so Starsky kept himself busy all Saturday cleaning his apartment. He regretted deeply his outburst of last night, but he wouldn’t let Hutch know it. On Sunday, he worked furiously in his Torino, and by the end of the afternoon, the car was shining more than the sun.

Hutch did errands, took care of his green house, read books and played sad songs in his guitar. On Sunday, he went to the beach, secretly aching to find his partner there, maybe in a casual walk he could meet him.

But that didn’t happen, because Starsky kept himself locked in his place all weekend. None of them wanted to make the first move into a reconciliation. For Hutch, Starsky needed to come to his senses. And for Starsky, being compared to Vanessa was a big and almost unforgivable offense.

Monday came and Starsky went directly to the precinct. Hutch knowing his lover so well, didn’t have any expectations about a ride, so he used his battered own car. The silence filled the squad room. No good morning smiles, jokes, or a cup of coffee gently offered to each other. As soon as they arrived, Dobey called them to his office.

“Remember the robbery at the jewelry last week? One of the victims decided to help us. She’s in one of the interrogation rooms.”

“Finally we’ll have a chance to get this idiots….”

“Yeah…Starsky. At the moment, this is our only chance. Room 6. She’s all yours….”

“OK, Cap…” Hutch opened the door and waited for his partner. Starsky walked by him, and whispered thanks.

In the interrogation room 6 was Caroline Stuart. She was a thin and tall blonde, with a lovely smile, and baby blue eyes that gave her an angel image. She was sat on the table, her legs crossed. Beautiful legs, by the way. When the detectives entered, she didn’t seem to feel uncomfortable or shy, and she remained in the same position. Starsky watched her and almost instantly he disliked the girl. Hutch, by his side, noticed his lover reaction.

“Good morning, I’m detective Hutchinson. And this is my partner, detective Starsky.” Hutch smiled kindly to Caroline.

“Oh… good morning detectives… I already was feeling a little bored here…” She gave both men a warm smile, and watched them from head to toes almost eating them alive.

“Your name is…Caroline Stuart, right?” Starsky asked very professionally.

“Yeah…You can call me Carol.” She tried her best charming smile.

“Carol…. “ He repeated thoughtfully. “Our captain said that you have the description of the guys that made the robbery. What d’you have to us?”

She changed the position of her legs, making Hutch follow her movement with his eyes. “Well… I was a little scared… but I saw pretty well one of them. Actually, he let his mask fell down to the floor, and I had the opportunity to take a good look of his face. But I pretended I didn’t see him, of course…”

“Of course….” Hutch said between ironic and amused. “Carol… how would you describe this man?” Hutch asked.

“Short, strong and he had a weird mustache…not like yours detective….” She smiled seductively to Hutch.

“He was blond, brunette, black, white?” Starsky cut the little chat a little annoyed.

“Oh…he was white…. Yeah…white.” And turned her head again in Hutch’s direction.

“How about the age?” Starsky insisted.

Looking to Hutch she just answered. “Age…. Ah… forty’s… maybe….” She smiled again to Hutch and changed the position of her legs again. Hutch knew that Starsky was losing his patience, so he decided to put an end to this seduction scene. He walked to the other side of the room and sat on the other chair.

“Carol…you seem a little uneasy about your description. Did you really had a good look of this man? We need help, but we need to know if the information is hot, you know?”

She jumped from the table and took the chair placing it close to Hutch. “Oh…I’m sorry, I think that I’m a little distracted… I’m sure about what I saw. He was white, strong and he had a mustache. He also had a tattoo on his arm.”

“A tattoo…?” Hutch insisted. Starsky was looking to the scene with piercing eyes.

“Yeah… a snake or something like that…you know…those things are so similar.” She giggled.

“You don’t know for sure if it was a snake? It was in his right arm or left arm?” Starsky was losing his temper.

“Oh… in his…” she thought for a moment. “I’m not sure…. I think that in his right arm….”

“Is that all? Anything else that you could give us as a hint, Caroline?” Starsky was staring to Hutch.

“No…I’m afraid not… It’s all that I have to say…. But I hope that will help you…” She looked at Hutch, “I never saw so gorgeous a cop in my life…only on TV…you know….” She smiled seductively again.

Hutch smiled a little shyly and stood up. “Ok. Carol…I think that we’re done for now. If we need your help, our captain will call you. Thanks” He extended his hand, while Starsky was already opening the door.

“Oh, is that all…? All this cop thing on TV is much more interesting…. Anyway, my telephone number is with your captain…just call me, and I’ll be here in a second….”

“I have no doubt about that….” Starsky muttered frowning.

She smiled and shook hands with Hutch. As exiting the room, she smiled to Starsky too. When Hutch was in the way to the corridor, Starsky took his arm and with a more rude movement than he intended to, he pulled Hutch inside again, closed and looked the door.

“Is this the kind of social interaction that you were talking about last Friday?”

“Starsk….” Hutch looked at him a little upset.

“No Starsk… I made a simple and clear question, and I want an answer to it.”

Hutch sighed. “No, it’s not. What happened here was a stupid girl trying to get my attention to her legs.”

“And she surely got it…I saw your eyes, buddy. I saw that you liked very much her legs….”

“And you didn’t?” Hutch asked with defiance.

“No…I didn’t.”

“Liar… you watched her like I did. There’s nothing wrong with it.” Saying this, he unlocked the door and started going out, then he stopped and turned around facing Starsky again, keeping his back to the corridor. “Starsk…we are in our precinct. We need to talk, but this is not the right place nor the right time. Besides, I can see that you don’t have the least idea about what is happening with you, with us… You just repeated the same ridiculous behavior.” He then headed to the squad room, leaving Starsky inside the interrogation room.

Simonetti, who was in the corridor and listened the last part of the conversation, came closer to the room and Starsky almost bumped against him, when he was exiting the room.

“Any problems, Starsky? Your partner seemed a little upset with you…”

“It’s not your business… Don’t you have anything better to do in your life than to listen to people talking in the corridor?”

“What’s your problem, Starsky…. problems in the paradise? I’m just passing here. This is a public space, you know….”

“Leave me alone Simonetti… I’m not in the mood for your jokes.” Starsky hurried to the squad room, but Simonetti laughed out loud at his back, making Starsky turn around and looking fixedly at him, he shouted: “I told you…stay away from me”.

He continued his way and he bumped into his captain, when he entered the squad room. He picked up his jacket from the back of his chair, and ran out the precinct.

Hutch just remained staring at him and Dobey, not saying a single word.

“What’s the matter with your partner, Hutch?”

“He had a bad weekend, captain.”

“I’d say it’s something concerning you both, Detective Hutchinson”, Simonetti said entering the squad room in that precise moment. Both men turned in his direction. “Don’t look at me that way, gentlemen. I just happened to be in the corridor when you were leaving the interrogation room. And you looked very upset, I must say.”

Hutch felt his breath stop. “Haven’t you ever had a discussion with your partner?”

“Of course…But the way you both looked…” he shook his head frowning. “Seemed to me it was something serious.”

“Not your business, Simonetti.” Hutch said firmly.

“If it interferes with the job, it is my business, Hutchinson.”

“Seems to me, you forgot I’m their superior, Simonetti” Dobey interrupted. “Any problem with my men, I’ll deal with it.”

“Of course, captain. I’m just making a comment here.”

“I appreciate your help, Simonetti. But just leave me handle my Division. You can focus your attention in the rest of the Department.”

Simonetti felt it was better to let it go this time, but he and Dryden would surely keep an eye on this pair. Things were more strange each passing day, and they would find out what was going on.

As soon as Simonetti left, a heavy silence filled the room. Hutch tried to avoid his captain, but he knew it was in vain.

“Are you going to explain what was this all about?”, asked Dobey trying to maintain his rage at bay.

“I already told you, sir. A bad weekend, and a silly discussion between us.”

“I’ll buy it this time, Hutchinson. But try to fix anything that’s bothering you two. I don’t want IA, especially Simonetti and Dryden, nosing around here.”

“Yes, sir.” With this Hutch put his desk in order, and left looking for his lover.

On his way to the garage, he was thinking how things had turned that way. <<Ok, Hutchinson, everybody says things change with the living-together thing. But why adding the only thing we didn’t share before, had to turn this way…We were almost living-together before sex got in the way…We have to fix our relationship, buddy…Our lives depend on it>>

Hutch was surprised when he saw Starsky in the Torino. Calmly, he opened the passenger door and sat. After some minutes of silence.

“Judging for your performance there…I thought that you would be in your place by now…” Hutch said sarcastically.

“Don’t, Hutch…I’m not in the mood for your mind games and smart talks….”

“And you are in the mood for WHAT??? Call the attention from half of the department? Make Simonetti happy with your weird behavior? Calling Dobey’s attention to our personal problems?”

“It wasn’t my intention…Simonetti provoked me…”

“And you were dummy enough to give him what he wanted most.”

Silence.

“Dobey asked me about our problems… He doesn’t want it to happen again, Starsk…”

“It won’t…”

Silence.

“I’m sorry, Hutch…..” Finally, Starsky stared at his lover with sad eyes.

“Let’s go to my place…. There’s a lot of eyes around us here….” Hutch smiled sweetly.

When they arrived at Venice Place, they pulled out their holsters and guns, and Hutch went to the fridge to get some beers, while Starsky sat on the couch, in silence and thoughtful.

Hutch returned and offered him a beer. He sat beside him. Putting his arm over the head of the couch, he smiled to his lover waiting patiently. A thoughtful Starsky always meant he needed to talk. Looking to the bottle in his hands, Starsky sighed heavy and finally…

“Hutch… since we took the decision…to let our feelings speak out loud… I found out the difference between love and passion… to me…love means fear and disquiet and passion…newness and surprise…”

“This is beautiful…. And do you know why you feel this way?” Hutch said amazed.

Starsky looked into his lover’s baby blue eyes and nodded yes.

“Are you saying that you don’t feel surprised by me anymore? Passion is over?”

“NO!!!! I mean… It’s just that I found out that I never loved for real before… I never felt fear of losing the one I loved, Hutch. And this feeling of insecurity is…I-I don’t know… I’ve never loved for real, Hutch…”

“I don’t know if I have to be happy or not… you’re saying that you found out that you really love me, but this feeling is making you suffer…”

“But I have passion too…I never know how I’ll react because of the sensations and the happiness I feel just because you’re near, sitting at your desk, laughing at me in the squad room…Thinking no one knows about what we have together for real… our nights of love, our weekends…You’re so tender and have that special way to show me how much you love me…I feel overwhelmed, this is great, Hutch, but…”

Hutch touched his hand and made him leave the bottle on the coffee table. “I think that no one loved me in that way before, Starsk either…I mean…no one felt fear and felt such an insecurity just for loving me… you don’t know how important this is to me. But I don’t want that our love hurt you. Love is not supposed to hurt. So…that fear and that uneasiness are making you so insecure and that’s the reason for your behavior? I never gave you any reason to feel afraid of losing me, I always treated you with respect and consideration…I never cheated on you…and I never will.”

“I know…. I just… can’t help myself… I just feel the fear and the anguish and the necessity to keep you with me, under my eyes, holding you in my arms … this is the only way to give me peace…”

“Giving peace to you, and turning my life into hell… I’m without air to breath, Starsk….”

Starsky watched him seductively and smiled his best smile… obviously, an idea crossed his mind… He pressed his body against Hutch and kissed him with passion, almost wildly.

Caught by surprise, Hutch didn’t fight, just let his evil lover took control of the situation, took control of his body and mind. But, he once more, understood the little dirty game that Starsky was playing… using his charm and sexual appealing to invade Hutch’s territory and knock him down merciless. Again, Starsky was avoiding to discuss the main reason of their problem.

“Stop…stop it, Starsk…. Damn it!!!!” Hutch stood up and pushed him out of him. Starsky was a little astonished with the violence of this reaction. Actually, Hutch too.

“What? Why you did it?” Starsky was confused and scared.

“Why??? You really need to know why? You know why!” He shouted.

“No… I’m kissing you and you push me out…” Now, he avoided Hutch’s stare and tried to seem naïve.

“Yes…that’s it…YOU are kissing me, eating me, to be precise… Nothing that I told you lately, or nothing that YOU told me made any sense at all to you. You’re doing exactly the same…using me…trying to distract me with your charm… Stop it Starsk…this will not work anymore…this will never work with me anymore!!!! Or we fix our differences, or we’ll have no future together…Can’t you see it?…” His voice was sweeter now. “There’s no future to a relationship like that…”

Starsky stood up fuming rearranging his clothes…. “Ok… so… my kind of love doesn’t work with you anymore…all right… I got it!!! I’m sick of your mind games and questions…If you want to be just my partner on the streets... ok... I’ll accept it. I couldn't live in any other way. Things will be as at the beginning… But let me tell you something, I don’t know how to love someone in a different way… really love… but I won’t be a problem to you anymore…you can breath again, Hutchinson…I’m out!” He got his holster and ran to the door, closing it like a thunder in a storm. In seconds, the Torino’s engine was heard and then, silence.

Hutch was astonished by Starsky’s reaction. He was sure things weren’t going to be easy to solve, but this wasn’t the way he thought it to be. <<I know I told you things weren’t going to work between us if you’d go on with your jealousy and controlling my life…But ending our relationship this way, it surely won’t help our partnership either. How are we supposed to keep on working together, if we’re this mad at each other, buddy…Oh, God, things are worse than what I expected…>> Feeling completely defeated, Hutch tried to busy himself with his plants. He didn’t want to go back to the precinct and face Dobey right now.

After leaving Hutch’s apartment, Starsky headed directly to The Pits. The place was empty and only Huggy and his employees were getting the place ready for noon rush of people. As he entered the restaurant, he went to the bar and asked Huggy a beer.

Huggy noticed Starsky was very upset, but as always, there was no way he could question his friend what his problem was. Obviously, it was something related with Hutch, as the blond half of the duo wasn’t there. But he also knew that Starsky would explain the situation as soon as he felt the need to do it. Huggy then went on with his task, just watching Starsky without a word.

The first beer was followed by some others, and with no food and being so upset, soon Starsky was drunk. “How much is it, Hug?” he asked obviously thinking about leaving.

“Just leave it on my account, ‘bro. I see you’re not feeling well, so no way you’re driving, Starsk.”

“I’m fine, Huggy. Just a little dizzy, but some fresh air will be fine.”

“No way…Just wait, and I’ll drive you home.” Huggy went to the back of the restaurant, and told Diana he was going out with Starsky, and soon he’d be back.

Starsky, stubborn as always, didn’t wait for Huggy to give him a ride home. He left some cash on the counter, and exited the place and soon he was driving his Torino. On his way to his apartment, he went on with his ramblings about what had happened with Hutch. He wasn’t really paying attention to the streets or the cars and without noticing it, he accelerated more than what he could control in his state of mind and with the alcohol he’d had. Just two blocks from his place, he didn’t see a red light and didn’t stop.

A heavy truck coming from the right, despite all the effort of his driver, hit him on the passenger side, sending the Torino across the street and ending against a light column. No turning upside-down, no fire from the engine, but nevertheless a tough crash.

Starsky hit his head hard and was unconscious, some blood falling from some cuts in his forehead and left cheek. The truck driver asked for help and soon two black and whites and an ambulance were in the place.

The paramedics decided to take Starsky to the hospital, though his injuries didn’t seem to be very serious.

The officers immediately identified who the victim of the accident was and called dispatch to inform Captain Dobey what had happened and that Starsky was being taken to Memorial Hospital for observation.

“Hutch…son” the seriousness in Dobey’s tone of voice was enough for Hutch to know something was very wrong.

“What happened to Starsky?” Hutch interrupted his superior.

“He was in a car accident. The officers in the place just informed me that things don’t seem to be serious, but nevertheless, Starsky’s been taken to Memorial for observation.”

“Oh, God!…See you there.” He hang up the phone, took his car keys and hurried to the hospital.

When Dobey arrived, he saw Hutch pacing the corridor outside the emergency room. “Any news?”

“I couldn’t talk to anybody yet. They don’t let me in, either…Why it takes so much time, if they’ve said it wasn’t serious.”

“They surely want to know there’s no internal injuries, you know that, Hutch.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Hutch accepted.

“Would you like to tell me what happened after you left the precinct?”

“I-I…found him in the garage and…Could we just leave it for now, sir?” Hutch stared at his captain with pleading eyes. He was really upset and nervous with all that had happened and the only thing that was important for him was to be able to be with Starsky and see by himself that he was alright despite the accident.

“OK, I understand. But I want things clear when you’re feeling calmer.”

Hutch just nodded and went on pacing.

Almost an hour later, a doctor came out of the room and joined them in the corridor. “You’re here for Detective Starsky, aren’t you?” he asked.

“Yes, doctor. I’m his partner, Detective Hutchinson and this is Captain Dobey.” They shook hands. “How is my partner?”

“Fortunately it wasn’t serious, though the alcohol level in his blood was very high, and that obviously was the cause of the accident. For what the officer that accompanied him said, a witness explained that he didn’t stop in a red light and seemed that the truck driver couldn’t avoid hitting the car. He has only some bruises and two cuts on his face, but no internal injuries from what we got from the X-rays.”

“Thanks, God.” Hutch sighed relieved.

“Though he was unconscious at the beginning, he regained consciousness and he’s completely focused now, I’d like him to stay overnight just in case.” The doctor explained and both Dobey and Hutch just nodded. “I’ll let you know when your friend’s in a room, so you can see him.” They shook hands and the doctor left.

After another half an hour, a nurse came to tell them Starsky was already settled in room 315. Both thanked the nurse and headed for the third floor. When they reached the room, Hutch hesitated for a moment, but Dobey pushed him in and both entered to see Starsky.

Starsky was with his eyes closed, two bandages covering the cuts on his forehead and left cheek. Nothing else showing he’d had an accident. When he heard somebody nearing the bed, he turned his face in that direction. “Please, don’t start…I know I was very stupid to drive, but I want to rest…I have a hard headache.”

“You two will have lots to explain to me because of your behavior lately.” Said a serious Dobey watching from one partner to the other. “But I know this isn’t the right moment nor the right place to talk about it. Just rest and have a good sleep. Try to clear those stubborn heads you two have. And this is an order.” No reply to Dobey’s words, and with that, he left.

A heavy silence involved both men as soon as they were alone. They looked at each other, but seemed to not know what to say. They had had a fight, and thus their intimate relationship seemed to be over, so there was only their friendship and partnership to consider. But neither one of them was ready to talk about what had happened.

Hutch sat in the couch near the bed and rested his head against the back of the seat, closing his eyes. At least Starsky was alive and fine, he could relax for now, the rest could wait.

Starsky watched him, and being sure Hutch wasn’t leaving him, he closed his eyes too, trying to relax. There was a long road ahead of them, but they’d have time to talk about it later.

As always, news spread quickly. And a drunk cop being in a car crash, was something very important to consider in the Department. Mostly if the cop in question was one Detective Starsky, one of the favorite subjects of investigation for IA officers Simonetti and Dryden.

In the late afternoon, when Hutch had gone to the cafeteria for something to eat, and Starsky was alone dozing off after his dinner, he had an unexpected visitor.

“Good evening, Detective Starsky.” Dryden’s voice startled the sleeping man.

“What are you doing here? You lost your partner?”

“Simonetti got caught in other case, so I had the pleasure to come and visit you.”

“How nice of you. You two are very kind…What d’you want?”

“Don’t you imagine, Starsky? I wouldn’t say a drunk cop driving madly along the streets is a good example for people.”

“It was an accident.”

“Don’t waste your time with that, detective. We know perfectly well that for some time now your behavior hasn’t been the best. You and your partner had been acting a little weird. And for what I know of this morning’s incident at the precinct…”

“D’you wanna suspend me, Dryden? Is that what you’re here for? Let me tell you something. You and Simonetti have a great fixation with my partner and me, and don’t try to find things that don’t exist…Hutch and I had worked all time in the same way since we became partners. Maybe the attempt on my life has caused some changes in our lives. Wouldn’t it be something normal when you almost lose your life and/or your partner’s life?” Starsky said very upset and his voice some tones higher than what was expected in a hospital.

In that precise moment Hutch entered the room. “What’s happening here?” he asked going directly to his partner’s side in a protective gesture.

“Obviously you couldn’t be too far away from him.” Dryden commented sarcastically.

“I see you learned very well your lesson from your partner.” Hutch said flatly.

“I want you two in the precinct as soon as the doctor gives clearance to Starsky to get things in order. The Department can’t admit two of its men to act the way you do, which is affecting the image of the Police. No more bending of the rules and no more exceptions for your actions. If there’s a problem in your partnership because of a too long period together, then we’ll see to split you two.” With these words he turned and left the room without even saying goodbye.

“Fuck you!!!” exclaimed an exasperated Starsky at Dryden’s back.

“Things are getting better each day.” Hutch said with rage in his voice. “And you give those two what they want.”

“Don’t start, Hutch…I told you this morning things were gonna be as before we became lovers, so there won’t be more incidents like this one. You won’t have to worry about me being oppressing you, or to have IA at our backs again.” He turned his head opposite to Hutch and closed his eyes, though deep inside he was hurting a lot and he knew Hutch was right being angry with him. But he wouldn’t accept it. They wouldn’t be lovers any more, but they’d go on as partners, no one would change that.

Hutch was fuming his rage too, but he didn’t say a word. He couldn’t stand an oppressing lover, but he surely knew, he didn’t want to finish their partnership at least. They were the best team in the whole Department.

When morning arrived, neither one had had a good night sleep. Hutch had helped Starsky when he needed something and he couldn’t do it himself because of the pain for the bruises. No more comments about what had happened. The doctor came early in the morning on his round and after a thorough examination and some questions directly to Starsky, he authorized him to go home.

In no time both men were ready to leave and soon they were in Starsky’s apartment. Hutch called Dobey to tell him the news and asked for the rest of the day-off. Dobey agreed, but told him that he wanted both men in the precinct early next day.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Both guys rested, watched TV, any activity as if it were any other day-off they had. Nothing related to the last events in their lives. Just being partners as always, and they succeeded, because there was no discussion between them. At night, Hutch left to his apartment, promising to pick Starsky up early next morning, so they wouldn’t be late for work, knowing their beloved IA detectives would be waiting anxiously for them.

They arrived at the station in time, and were surprised they didn’t find their captain waiting for them. But soon their doubts got fulfilled when Dobey called them into his office.

“Starsky, Hutchinson, my office NOW!!!” he barked at them.

As they entered the office they found the reason for the bad mood in their captain.

“Good morning, gentlemen.” Simonetti greeted them from his seat in front of the desk, and Dryden just nodded smiling.

“Take a seat” Dobey ordered, gesturing two other chairs. Both guys obeyed, and remained in silence just waiting. “I have IA’s report about the investigation they want to do in relation with your behavior, and most of all about the events that took place on Monday.”

“What d’you wanna know that your minds didn’t imagine already.” Starsky said sarcastically.

Dobey watched intently at Starsky and went on leading the conversation. “Here it says that you were on duty Monday morning when you had the accident…But if I’m not wrong, I’d told you to take the rest of the day-off, since you seemed very upset after your difficult weekend. So, I suppose you’ve followed my advice. Is that correct?”

Both Starsky and Hutch were surprised with Dobey’s words, but as good undercover detectives, they didn’t give any sign of that.

“I did, sir.”

“And we’re supposed to accept that and forget everything.” Simonetti was very upset.

"Are you doubting what I’m saying, Simonetti? I'm their superior and I told Starsky to take the day-off." Dobey used his powerful voice to convince Simonetti.

“And I can do whatever I want with my spare time, gentlemen.”

“As I said, then we’re supposed to agree that you followed your superior’s advice and went home.”

“Take it or leave it, Simonetti. We only have to respond to our captain here. We don’t have, as no one else in the whole Department does, to go to IA to report our whereabouts in our time-off.” Hutch felt the need to add something too.

“Anything else you want to know?” asked Dobey trying hard to hide a smile of satisfaction.

“Would you please sign the report, Captain?” a defeated Simonetti asked.

“Of course, stating just the fact that my man was off-duty.”

Papers in hand and with a stern expression on their faces, both Simonetti and Dryden left Dobey’s office after another lost battle.

“Thanks, cap” was the first thing that Starsky said when they were alone.

“There won’t be another time like this, Starsky. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Starsky…Hutchinson… I’ve always thought of you two as professionals… and I want to say that I don’t know what exactly is happening between you two… and to be honest, I intend to be out of this, but I’ll say one more time, and I won’t repeat it… whatever it is, it must be solved. You’re not so young anymore. You know how difficult was to build a good and honest career in your line of work and how easy you can lose everything. So, I expect from you nothing but an adult and professional behavior. Is that clear enough?”

Both partners nodded their agreement. They knew Dobey was right and things should be solved.

“And now, get moving! You have some paperwork to finish…” with this, he sat back at his desk and began rummaging in his own paperwork.

The guys left the office silently and went to their desks to take care of the reports they have delayed.

When their shift was over, Starsky made an attempt to get to Hutch. “D’you wanna go to Huggy’s for a pool game and some beers and burgers?”

“Thanks, Starsk, but not tonight. I’m really tired. I need a good hot bath and a good night of sleep. See you tomorrow.”

“OK, I’ll pick you up in the morning.”

Hutch nodded in agreement and proceeded to gather up his things on the desk as Starsky took his jacket and left the squad-room.

Starsky drove without noticing where. He was mad and feeling so desperate. But deep inside him, he knew that Hutch was right, he was acting wrong, and the worst was, he was trying to avoid the issue and using his lover.

He parked the Torino near the beach and got out for a walk. He walked by the ocean for a while, letting his mind fly here and there without thinking specifically in nothing that happened lately. The beach was almost deserted and no one was paying much attention to this lonely man, wearing tight jeans and a tan shirt. Barefooted, he walked in silence, feeling really sad, just admiring the sunset. He had been acting like a jerk… He had the most precious man in his hands and what was he doing? The most gentle and caring person that he could’ve ever know. Intelligent, and so thoughtful a person. Hutch never did anything to give him any reason to feel jealous. Why he couldn’t act like a normal person? Live this beautiful life that God gave him, after so many times of lonely and tough times? The most frightening idea was that he’d lose all this… Hutch wouldn’t keep up with him in that condition. No one would. The thought of living lonely nights again, without the warm body of his lover by his side, was unbearable to accept. He needed to do something and quickly. But do what? How could he fight the urge to keep his blond, the man that gave him back the reason to be alive, under his eyes and in his arms forever. He felt his insides burn if somebody looked at Hutch. He felt the urge to just put his hands on that person and give him a lesson. Let him or her know that Hutch was his … Now and forever… It was tough enough that they couldn’t show openly their love. He wanted to show to everybody that he loved this man and that he was loved by him too. And so what? What people have to do with their lives?

<<Again, David Starsky you’re losing your temper… acting like a mad man…. Even screwing up with your careers…. How my Hutch can deal with me? How can he manage to live with a walking bomb, ready to explode anytime? Hutch’s life is a hell and I’m the responsible for it. I’m sorry Hutch… I’ve never intended to do this to you…ever… I’ve just wanted to give you peace and love. How about grow up a little Starsky? How about coming back to the love of your life and discuss the problems like an adult? How about putting aside the macho pride, the childlike behavior that seems will never leave your mind, and just act like a normal person. An adult that will make up things with your lover… It is this or go back to that shit life that you lived before…. With an important detail… now you couldn’t use a woman to fulfill your empty heart anymore… After Hutch… no one will fulfill your heart.>> With the decision made, he ran to the Torino and headed to his lover’s place.

Hutch’s place was involved in darkness and silence. Starsky forced the knob and opened the door. Hutch was sitting in his couch. Eyes closed, resting his head against the back of the couch. He seemed defeated and sad. Starsky fought against the need to hold him and sooth him with tender words. He knew that Hutch should be sad, but certainly, he was mad too.

“Hutch….” He said timidly.

Surprised with the sudden return of his lover, he jumped in his seat and turned around. It wasn’t a dream. Starsky was back. Starsky was with his deep-blue eyes staring at him, pleading for acceptance. Why not? If he was back, it meant that he’d thought about all the things they’d talked lately, and had something to say. <<Let’s hear it, Hutchinson!>>

Turning his head away from the man standing in the middle of his living room, he asked to the wall…“Second thoughts about your last tirade?… About…’I’m out'” Hutch’s tone was sarcastic, but it was ok. Starsky deserved it.

“I was walking on the beach…you know … you know that walking on the beach gives me peace…. It made me think clearly about things that my mind’ve blocked.” Starsky came near to the couch and fingered Hutch’s hair, closing his eyes immediately, feeling the silk of Hutch’s hair under his fingers.

Breaking the contact, Hutch stood up, and went to the kitchen. He took a beer from the fridge and sat at the kitchen table, not really wanting to drink anything, but needing something to distract him from his lover’s intense presence.

Starsky followed him to the kitchen. “Hutch… I’m sorry…. I know that this must be silly and after all the dumb things that I did and said lately, my apologies don’t mean anything to you… but I’m really sorry…. I didn’t mean it when I told you about being out of our relationship, so you’d have space to breath….” Starsky was feeling exasperated by Hutch’s silence. He walked and sat opposite to him at the kitchen table. He got a hold of Hutch’s hand and pulled him in his direction, trying to make Hutch look at him…. Hutch’s eyes were cold, but God… so damn beautiful….

“I’ve decided to change my behavior. I’m sure that I’d be able to change it and I will, promise…. Just give me a chance, Hutch…. I’ll do whatever you want and say to act like a normal person, I don’t want to see you living in pain…especially if I’m the reason of that pain, because of my dumb behavior….” He waited for answers, a nod, a smile, a hold of his hand, but Hutch’s eyes were still cold. Desperate, Starsky stood up letting Hutch’s hand free. Starsky took a deep breath to calm down himself, and walked away from Hutch. He sat on the couch and waited in silence. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands.

“Do you think that it’s easy for me to let you enter here after everything that you told me, and just hold you and say ‘All right, Starsk…I forgive you, let’s start all over again…’. What do you intend to do to solve your problem? Or do you think that there is a magic that will simply erase your insecurities from your heart, and tomorrow you’ll wake up another man?”

“I know that it’s not that simple, Hutch… Shit….” Starsky stood up again and went in Hutch’s direction. “You can be evil sometimes, you know? I’m hurting here… I’m trying to solve our problems… I’ trying to forget everything that is difficult for me just to work out our problems and you’re acting like a… Stop it, Hutch…. Please, give me a second chance… I’ll learn how to love you… love you for real…without oppressing you.” His voice waved and his eyes were full of tears. He turned around, trying to avoid Hutch’s cold eyes.

Hutch stood up and got near his lover. But kept the distance. “Starsk… are you sure that you’ll be capable of acting like a normal person, in a bar or in a party? That you’ll trust me again? That you’ll fight against your insecurities? You have to know that I’ll be here, right here, by your side. But I need to be sure that you’re willing to try this for real. You want to fix all our differences. This has to be not just an intention, but a determination. And God knows…you’re are the most determinate man that I knew in this life….So, use it, for God’s sake!!!”

“I swear to God, Hutch… to be with you…to keep living this dream that is my life with you, I’ll make anything you want…. But, please don’t leave me... Give me a second chance… I know I can do it… I know I can deal with my inner monsters and fight and win, and-and love you…just love you… Just give you what you deserve… peace, love, caring…. And we could keep our partnership… I can’t live without it either. We’re the best together and there’s no fucking Simonetti and his dumb partner, or anything in this world who could change it…. I love you, Hutch…” Starsky held his lover tight. It wasn’t the manipulated hold full of desire, that he had been using before. It was a person, who loved someone so deeply, desperately asking for help and forgiveness.

“I love you too…. I just… can’t live with you in that way…. We’ll go through it together, babe…. But promise me, Starsky… when you feel a little lost and with no control of your emotions, let’s try to talk…ask me for help… . This is the right answer for everything.” He smiled sweetly responding the embrace. “Now… how about a nice dinner, a nice wine…”

Starsky backed a little, and looking into those baby-blue eyes smiling he completed. “A nice bath…. A nice lovemaking… a nice life…” He closed his eyes and kissed Hutch passionately, melting the rest of the coldness that Hutch still possessed inside him.

Hutch kissed him back. <<Maybe this Starsky’s passionate way to love him would never change. Maybe it just needed some control of it. But that passionate way was something he wouldn’t complain about. It’d be just a matter of talking and understanding. And now…this seemed to be possible to happen between them.>>

Suddenly, the world seemed to be in the right place again.

The End

Can’t We Just Sit Down And Talk It Over?