Sunday, 06 October , 2002

I know. I shouldn't be like this the day before it's due. But I swear, I started it two weeks ago. It's not my fault that I have to change my topic due to the fact that I had no information, or any idea of what exactly I was going to do. I don't have a clue how to do it. Grrr.....

I hate my course! I have practically no job opportunities anyway, why am i still doing it? Why am I sticking with a course I hate and no potential career? Then again, whatever I want to do, there's no potential career. It's not my fault that I don't actually want a career. I want to travel around the world and be happy. I don't want to sit in an office. I don't want to have to follow somebody's orders.
But what am i going to do? I need a job. I need money. I can't work in 7-11 for the rest of my life. Sure, I want to write. It's been my heart's desire since I was young. For as long as I can remember I've wanted to write.

After reading 80 days around the world, my best friend David turned to me and said, " When I'm odler, I'm going to travel around the world in a hot-air balloon!" Ok, we were 5 at the time. Or 6. I'm not sure what he wanted to do, but I told him I wanted to write stories. So he told me that I could write about the palces we visited.
I've always wanted tow rite. But how am I going to get anything published? I've been told repeatedly that my stuff is rubbish. Supposedly, I'm not unique, or creative enough. And this is from my friends and family.

I only seem to be able to write really angsty, tragic stories anyway. And who wants to read depressing shit? People want funny stories, with a comdeic twist that makes them smile. I can't do it. I'm screwed.

Fuck. I still haven't written this assignment. And I have another one due in 4 days....and then I have about 50 things to in the next 2 weeks. Man, I don't think I'm going to survive. One of these days, I'm going to purposefully crash the car into oncoming traffic. Better yet, I'll bang my head against the wall. That seems to be a favourite occupation of mine.

Fuck everything. Dammit, i have to it. Alright, but if you don't ehar from me for a long time, it's becuase I'm lying in a hospital, slowly recovering.