Disclaimer: I don't own Good Charlotte, nor do I own Mest. Actually, I don't own anybody except the little people who live inside my head.
Wait. They own me. *scratches head*
Anyhow, don't sue me. I can't even afford to buy a new computer which I can hook my printer to and go on the internet on. I have no money. Poor uni student who spends money on alcohol and textbooks here!
�Does Billy really sleep with a blankie?� The blonde host asked, trying not to giggle. Paul put a finger to his lips before singing, �I�ll never tell!� Joel laughed once again, which set off Chris. Billy narrowed his eyes and flipped Paul off. In return, he stuck out his tongue.
�Ok, guys, ok. I hope we can use that,� the host laughed, smiling. She turned to the cameraman, leaning over to ask him a question. Paul smiled at Billy. He knew he was forgiven when Billy leaned over and licked his ear.
�I need to buy you a lifetime supply of Chupa Chups,� he muttered. Billy nodded his head emphatically.
�You�re all fucking retards,� a voice muttered quietly, immediately breaking up the camaraderie. Paul looked over at Benji, leaning against a chair and staring sullenly at his hands.
�You�re usually the first one to pull shit like that, Benji,� Paul replied. He could see that the mood had immediately shifted. Joel was staring at his twin in confusion and pain. Whether it was his own or not was too difficult to tell.
�You know, if you�re going to be a prick, maybe you should do it when you�re on your own,� Paul said, seconds before the host turned back to them, all professional.
He saw Benji look up, mouth �Fuck you� before moving his head back into the previous position. Paul sat back, his mind buzzing. He couldn�t concentrate on Chris�s answer, nor on Joel�s downcast expression. Something was not right with this picture. If it wasn�t solved soon, the band was gonna hit the shits. He couldn�t let that happen to them. Not now. Not ever.
Benji ignored the stares, the mindless chatter and the silent questions. As soon as the car parked in front of the hotel he opened the door and bolted. He didn�t want to have to confront his brother again or his friends. He just wanted�.
Benji closed his eyes, willing the tears to disappear. He couldn�t let this happen now, not in public. He pressed the elevator button again, desperately wishing it would arrive. As soon as the doors opened, he walked in, slammed his hand on the �Close Doors� and watched his brother�s face fall as the doors closed.
He leaned back against the elevator, waiting for it to take him up to the roof. He�d never gotten into trouble for being on the roof before and he didn�t think it would start today. Besides, it provided the perfect escape from the world.
Opening the door, Benji took the moment to breathe in deeply. As soon as the air came back out, a cry escaped with it. A cry which burst into sobs. Benji collapsed on the concrete, his body racked with sobs.
Images from the previous night flashed through his mind again. The side comment he had made in passing, the anger with which it was received. The pleas, the jealous tone, the angry yells and screams. And finally, the shattering of the glass as his fist had flown into the mirror.
Benji leaned back, sucking in a deep mouthful of air. This was ridiculous. Here he was, the bad-ass tough guy, the one everyone was afraid of, the one his little sister had been afraid to introduce to her friends. Sitting alone on a windy roof, crying over a guy. He had to laugh at that. What the hell had happened for life to turn out this way?
As the memory of soft lips and loving eyes blended into his mind, Benji knew the answer. It was him. It was always him. The one person who knew how to make him happy and to make him cry. The one person he knew he could spend the rest of his life with, just by looking at him.
The very same person who had made him cry the night before.
All the emotion was eating away at him. Nobody knew about his boyfriend, not even Joel. Benji didn�t want to even comprehend the possible reactions he would get. He didn�t want to come out of the closet. He was too afraid to start screaming to the world he was a homosexual. He liked the secrets, the privacy and the conspiracy, even though it was eating away at his insides, slowly killing him. But he couldn�t tell anyone. Not just yet. But he could try and be more civil. He realised his actions had hurt everyone. Although he was in pain, he couldn�t let it affect his family.
As the day slipped into night, and the cold air settles in his bones, Benji finally made his way back down to his hotel room, only to be met with pandemonium. Joel was lying on the couch, his arms covering his head, which was settled lightly in Billy�s lap. Billy was methodically biting his nails, while Chris paced the length of the room, occasionally stopping at the window and looking at his bandmates. Other people were milling in and out, answering phones and pagers and quietly conferring with hotel staff.
Paul spotted him first. Benji smiled slightly, apologetically as Paul stood up and walked calmly over to him. He didn�t expect to see Paul�s arm swing back and backhand him. All he could feel was the stinging sensation as he stared at his friend in disbelief.
�What the fuck do you think you�re doing? Do you know we�ve gone fucking crazy looking for you? You�ve been missing for 8 hours! We didn�t know what had happened! Joel had to be practically sedated! God Benji! You�re��.you�re fucking impossible!� Paul grunted and walked out of the room. Benji looked around, as realisation sunk in.
�OK, guys, call off the search. Benji�s made his own way home this time,� their manager, Steve, called out as the crowd began making new calls and leaving the room. Steve looked over once at Benji before glancing over towards the couch. �We only just got him to sleep, so I won�t say anything now. But first thing tomorrow morning, you and me are having a talk,� he said before exiting the room.
Benji glanced over at his brother, cautiously taking a few steps closer. He could see the stress lines marked all over his face, and the puffiness surrounding his eyes.
�I�m sorry Joel, I wasn�t thinking,� he whispered. He looked up at Billy before looking at Chris. �I know I haven'� been myself lately, I�ve been�.man, I am fucked up.� He sat down on the other couch. Billy looked at him and sighed.
�Chris? Do you think you can manage Joel on your own?� He asked him, gesturing gently. Chris nodded and carefully picked Joel up and carried him to the bedroom. Billy turned back to Benji wringing his hands through his hair. �You can�t keep doing this, Benji.�
�Doing what?�
�Shutting us out. Ignoring us and thinking the world has fucked you over. It�s�.not just you whose affected. It affects us all. And we can�t handle it. Can�t you just talk to one of us, any of us? We�re there to help you,� Billy pleaded with him. Benji closed his eyes, nodding.
�I�m sorry. I�I didn�t realise. I just�.I had a bad night.� Billy laughed.
�We all have bad nights Benji. But we don�t take it out on each other�. He stood up, rubbed his eyes and walked over to the bedroom just as Chris walked out, closing the door. Together they headed to their own room.
�We love you, Benji. Don�t forget that,� Chris softly whispered as they closed the door.
Benji leaned back, shaking his head. He�d done it again. He�d screwed up. Standing up, he reached over the coffee table to get his phone before going to bed.
One missed call. He frowned, quickly opening voicemail to see who it was from.
�Benji? Benji, baby�.I�m sorry. God, I�m always sorry. I�I don�t know what happened. I just�.I love you. I love you so much. We need to talk, because I need you to understand, ok? Please can we talk?��ok, well, call me later. I love you.�
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