| 23.May.02 Dare I utter these words? May as well. I can't believe how much I depend on him on a daily basis. It doesn't upset me or anything, I just don't like being me without him. Oddly, I've started cutting myself as a way to alleviate the stress and depression. I know it's not healthy. Yet, it helps. And at least I'm honest, and I don't cut deep. They just look like scrapes. It's not so bad. I'll stop. I just can't handle it anymore... I'm letting everyone down. I went to school with high hopes and all I did was fail and screw up. So now, here I am. Back where I started, and the depression is just gnawing away at me. My preoccupation with death is driving me crazy. I think about it every day, and how the only thing stopping me is Logan. I can't imagine what he would go through.I guess I'm just selfish... or unstable. whatever... it doesn't matter. |