| 09.March.01 I must say that this is the brightest background I've used yet for a diary entry, wondering why? because I'm in such wonderful mood. Last night I admitted to being in love and today I did something to stop my streak of foolish decisions caused by my better judgement leaving me. I was asked by a friend if I would be willing to up the status of our friendship to that of "Friends with benefits" I actually did consider it. I stayed awake half the night weighing the possiblities and around 2:30am I started crying. I couldn't hurt Jon like that. No way. I think it was at that point I admitted to myself I'm in love with him. Whether I like it or not... I think I like it. :) And then there's Kristen. My decided confidant up here. This guy is her most recent ex and regardless of how she says she hates him, my being anything more than cordial with him would upset her to no end. I honestly couldn't risk hurting her like that. I trust her more than I trust anyone up here. Even if I am terrified that she thinks I'm utterly pathetic most of the time. I love her (as a friend you sicko's) way too much. But I'm flattered he even thought to ask me. I mean, it's not every day where someone's honest enough to say their willing to have mindless meanless sex with you because you're completely irresistable... or at least it's not every day in my life. Hence why I actually considered it, but I was raised to trust my gut feeling/instinct, and it was screaming no way honey. Afterwards I felt like a complete chode... I mean hell that is something that I've never been asked to do, and for once I looked the gift horse in the mouth so to speak. Now to completely change topic... You're going to have to forgive me for this one, but I'm watching "The Empire Strikes Back" and something's irritating me. I think it's the fact that Lando Calrissian can not accept responsibility and fault.. as seen in his constant crying of "It's not my fault" "I had no choice". Actually Lando did have a choice. He could either die, or hand over Han and Leia. And don't give any of that "It's there to help the plot line" whatever!!! Besides, Luke wasn't too smart of a cookie either. I mean, he's got Yoda (who has a striking resemblance to E.T. not to mention the soundtrack music bears a lot of similarities to that of the aforementioned film but anyways) now what was I saying? Oh yes, Luke's got Yoda and the apparition of Ben sitting there and telling him, "Honey, you ain't going no where." And like the unruley retard that which he is, he runs off and loses a hand because of it. $10 says when he's hanging from the city in the clouds he's thinking "man, i should have listened to those two" Imagine, two Jedi masters knowing what their talking about. And that whole promise of his to be back, yeah sure he shows up right when Yoda's dying... great timing. I mean, I really liked that squashy guy (oh yeah I liked E.T. too) and Luke blows him off because he has to save Han and Leia. Whatever. The question is, Do you want to be a Jedi Knight or don't you? christ boy, make a decision, you can't just put life on hold to save your fool-hardy friends, and then be begging for help when you lose a hand "Ben....." |