03.July.00
"You love her, but she loves him, and he loves somebody else oh you just can't win. And so it goes until the day you die, this thing called love is gonna make you cry."
Yes, my little disciples, love stinks... yeah yeah love stinks. Yes in the last few months I have become an embittered little creature, but reading back to my first rant, the evolution was inevitable. Girl and best friend kiss, said best friend says that it isn't right, girl is hurt but is able to move on enough to ask this special guy to prom... aww how sweet.... bloody mockery... aforementioned best friend there declares his love to her and the girl is overjoyed and the happy couple stay that way until this boy shatters her heart and leaves her for another girl... god I can't understand why I'm so bitter!!! I mean, anyone would be so happy if this happened to them... just don't get it... Seriously, I often wonder if all guys are like this, or if it's just that I am terrible at picking them. Men are "vain ignorant greedy brutal assholes who've just about ruined this earth because they are afraid someone out there might have a bigger dick". You ever notice when people are looking at an adorable baby they say, "oh he's gonna break hearts." they say that like it's a good thing. What parent wants a son or daughter for that matter to be someone who has no respect for another person's fragile heart. I sure as hell don't.
There are so many times that i look at someone I know, and I think, "yeah I could date them" but the male hypocrisy and fear of commitment then begins to register in my head and I chicken out cause i'm not in the mood to deal with someone who isn't willing to give it a fair shot... I've had my share of that. But what gets me is that my best friend and I (yes we're still close) have the type of relationship where it doesn't matter anymore... the only committment he can give is friendship right now, but it's a whole mixed signal thing sometimes... I mean he's breaking up with me yet is perfectly comfortable having me change in front of him.... granted that is kinda nice being that comfortable around someone but for crying in the mud make up your mind!!! You love me, you don't, you want me, you don't. It's enough to make me want to give up on guys....
And then in this whole jumbled mess of love, there's the recovery period, in which you're supposed to get over said person. I claimed it took me two weeks..... what a lie... I'm as in love with him now as I was the day I gave my feelings for him creedence, but loving someone and having that love returned are two completely different things. I've thought about waiting for him, but what on this good earth is that gonna do? All it'll do is leave me with my heartache...