| 17.January.01 Hey! I must say it's been a rather upbeat week considering that it's finals week and my nails should be worn down from my biting them... oddly enough they're gorgeous... :) isn't this wierd? I'm in a good mood! I mean, I'd bookmark this one cause this only happens like once in a year!! and considering it's january.. it's looking kinda grim for the rest of the year. Well I'm practicing my violin almost constantly.. but actually today... shhh don't tell anyone, I only practiced like an hour. I know. that's bad but I've been sanding my ass on that hunk of wood for the last 2 weeks and thought it would be nice to take a break and rub my ass... i found a splinter... i took it out. it hurt. I'm sorry the font is so small... this infernal machine won't let me have it any bigger than this.. or else it chops off words... which really kinda blows arse but that's life isn't it? well let's see, what's new? oh yeah... I'm falling in love, I really don't want to. I've been trying not to. I fell out a few months ago (after a certain weekend that didn't work out and i just assumed he was using me.. i'm still not clear about that point though), but this guy is just incredible. I've loved him for so long, but it's so much more exciting the second time round, and more agonizing when you're really trying not to. I just don't want him to hurt me again. Besides, I don't even know how he feels. I worry that maybe the reason he's so skidish about it is because of what happened with his ex... i'm not going to give names, but if you know who i am,you can ask me later. :) But I really think something happened there that he doesn't want to have to confront again. I think Woody Allen had it pretty right when he said "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, Sex certainly does raise some interesting questions." but I just want to know how he feels, but I promised him about 3 months ago I wouldn't bring it up again and i haven't yet, and I don't want to break that promise, cause I don't want him to think I won't keep my word. I can't help falling for him again though. I keep trying and trying, reminding myself about how I felt when the ski weekend went to shit, but he had a very good reason... granted he's not supposed to be touching foreign computers now, so I think he learned a lesson. I didn't cry about it, but I really wanted to, but what good would it have done? I wouldn't have felt any better and he would have felt worse. He really is sweet, once you get past his lack of reliability... well I can't really say that, but I have to say, he is the only 20 (well almost 21) year old I have ever met who is that married to his work. I mean it's great to be committed to your job, but wow. I really think he's gonna wear himself out (edited sick comment). But then again, I maybe falling for him, but I'm not his girlfriend.. just a friend with benefits, so therefore, I'm not exactly in the place to vocalize my worries... or my love for him. Laters, Aimee :) |