| 06.February.01 Well, I did something brave the other day. I've never done anything brave before, but I did the other day. I told someone the absolute truth about how I feel about them. Which is astounding considering that I don't normally let people know I have emotions, especially emotions that leave me extremely vunerable. But I did it. I laid my heart out on a cutting board, and handed him a meat cleaver saying do your worst. And he only cut me. Or in otherwords... shot me down, but quite honestly, although I feel poorly about it. Now that I'm thinking about it, this was more of my asking permission to move on without him, than it was asking him to come back to me (come back baby come back to meee - heee) Sorry about that, anyways. I do feel badly, but now that I'm finally thinking rationally... alright as rationally as I possibly can.... I will always love him. Always, he's a part of my life that can't ever be removed, no matter how much I may wish it somedays. Now, it's just time for he and I to get past the point of making amends and move on to repairing a friendship that was strong 2 years ago. I am relieved though. His new gf is so much better for him than I was. At the time I was right for him, as he was for me, but we grew apart and grew up. He's a budding lyricist, and composer, while I'm still searching for what's right for me. I maybe be releasing the first CD, but he's got the talent. I'll be the one saying "I knew him when..." and I'll sell the tell all book about our entire relationship.... riiiggghhhttt... lol Actually, I wouldn't sell my memories. They're mine to keep. But I'm glad I did this. I'm better for it, despite the fact that a panic attack forced me into it. God's little way of giving me a nudge in the right direction. I honestly feel emancipated... if only my mom would agree to doing this...Man wouldn't that be great??? I would soooo be out of this town and back in Appleton so fast people would be surprised... anywho... I right now consider myself to be one of the bravest people on earth right now. I know I'm not, but it's nice to pretend sometimes... -Aimee |