| 02.December.00 I know it's been awhile since my last update... don't think that I've been avoiding you... it's just that I've been bottling things up again and been trying to ignore my problems. Yeah I know it's stupid, but hey, I can't help it.... I don't like people knowing they have the power to hurt me... maybe it's my belief that no one will ever be able to destroy me but myself. I've been having one of those self-depreciating weeks where I don't care who you are or what you do... there is no way upon gods good earth you're gonna get me to think positively.... and not to mention the events of this weekend. This weekend has thus far validated my inherent mistrust of the male half of the species. He's my first love, I loved him from the first - knew he was going to be a part of my life in some way shape or form. Things of late have been somewhat flirtatious, and I can't lie and say I haven't been hopeful, but I truthfully don't belieive it will ever happen. He can hardly make the committment to drive up to my house - even though it's been promised for about a month now.... it may be a 3 hour drive, but he did it last spring in an Ice Storm. I don't get it. This time, he seems to have a reasonable excuse.... broke a computer at work.... but he could have had someone call to let us know. I was really looking forward to this... we even planned to go skiing. Maybe this is a sign that any hopes I may still tender in my heart of he and I ever being together are entirely in vain. I don't see people from my old town very often, and I really really wanted him to come up. A familiar face in a sea of strangers. So yes... in a matter of speaking, he did break my heart... So in an address to all the males in the world, if you're looking for someone to treat like crap... look me up, I'm naive, forgiving, and afraid of confrontation... chances are you'll mistake that for loyalty... no I'm just too scared to leave Aimee |