| 26.April.01 Oh my lord. What am I going to do? I did something irreproachably stupid.... or amazingly smart. I just don't know which. I can't believe he and I slept together... again. The sick thing is.. I am actually glad I did. I just wish it were a sure thing. I know I love him. I actually felt safe in his arms. And I mean truly safe for once in my life. I felt that those arms could keep everything bad in the world away from me. I felt that he could protect me, and that he may be able to give me the world. But I can't deny that he can really piss me off. I mean, to the point where I just would love to scream at him for hours. But for some reason, the minute I see him all that anger just melts away and I get scared instead. Maybe that's why I get angry at him, because I can't stand to think that anyone can scare me. I'm just scared that he'll reject me, that he'll break my heart, that I'll never feel as safe in anyone's arms ever again. I just don't want to go through life never feeling as wonderful as I did yesterday. I just want to be with him. Too bad he loves someone else too. |