| 15.April.01 I'm jealous right now, and I'm lonely. Why did my family have to fall apart? Why did I have to grow up without a real dad. No, instead my grandpa had to step in, because my dad didn't want a family. He should have thought of that before he married my mom. I'd like to know how it would feel to be in a normal family. A mom and dad who are still in love with each other after 25 years of marriage. I don't mean to say that the family would be perfect because every family has its problems and idiosyncrisies, but one that's still whole. My grandpa did all the stuff a dad should have done. Talked to me, read to me, shared my happiness and my sorrows. I miss him. I miss him more than anything. My cousins lost a grandpa when he died, but my brothers and I lost our dad. I really miss him though. I wish he could have seen me bloom these last two years because I've changed so much from the immature, arrogant, and selfish teenager I was. Granted I'm still all of them, but at least I can recognize that. I honestly think, had he lived, I wouldn't have made some of the decisions I made. I sometimes wish my biological father had died instead... not that it would be all that much easier, but he never was much of a dad. But that's life isn't it? There's always something that hinders you. Something that's happened that you will always be scarred from. Mine was his funeral.... it was really upsetting for me... especially when that pastor screwed up important information... But anyways. My Easter was pretty good. I had to work at 8am which means I had to miss service.... so I made my co-workers listen to it on the radio.... I'm cruel indeed. But it was sooooooo dead. Other wise, life has been Fair to partly cloudy lately. I leave for my trip down to Des Moines on the 18th.. yay... :) I'll be back eventually. Aimee |