| 11.April.02 Well... April has been an interesting month thus far. Britain's lost a queen mum. People are still terrified about terrorism. The school year's almost over and I'm still unsure what the hell is going on in my head and heart. Logan and I had a fight that's left me feeling uneasy. I thought about a lot of things in that sleepless night. I questioned whether or not he is the one.... but the moment I tried to picture me without him, I saw myself ripped in two. I picked a fight, that should have just been left alone. So he seems to take everything in stride... doesn't mean that he doesn't care... it's just a coping mechanism. I realized though, how bad for him I am. I'm unstable. One moment "warm, then scorching and then cold". *sighs* I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. Perhaps it's just my fear that I'm infertile, or that I'll never be a mother. I know I'm only 18, and I know I probably shouldn't be feeling this way, but my maternal instinct is kicking in and so is my nesting instinct.Which is unfortunate, 'cause at this point in my life, the last thing I actually need, but oddly, it's the thing I want most. |