I am a parent, as anyone that knows me is aware. For those of you that do not know me, I have (7) children. <Yes seven; three are from my blended family.> My children are the light of my life. Not all is the way that I would like it to be, but we are all working on our issues. My children are wonderful and THAT is ALL that matters to me.
I am also a 24-year-veteran of a major metropolitan police department, in the State of California. I am currently working a patrol assignment, but had spent the majority of my career as a detective. I have worked sexual assaults, child exploitations, Megan's Law and sexual predator teams, specializing in offender threat assessment. To round out my job history, I have worked the street gang detail, burglary investigations, and narcotics/ covert investigations as assignments. I also had the pleasure to work "detail" assignments specializing in child sex rings, organized crime, public corruption, and officer involved -criminal cases. I have had opportunities and experiences that most law enforcement officers will never dream of. I love the people and the job.
Law Enforcement is an exciting profession; one that I would recommend, more as a way of life, rather than a career. You do NOT have to �be the job� to love what you do. There is more to life than flying around the city, Code 3 on a Friday night, but it takes people time and space to understand what the priorities should be in their lives.
For me, that time came about five years ago when I began to understand, accept and take action in learning about myself. I have know that I am transgendered, all of my life. I never would accept the fact that I am specifically �transsexual,� until it became too painful for me to cope with this internal conflict. After careful and lengthy deliberation, I transitioned into life as a woman, nearly 4 years ago. This decision was not without its consequences, but I came to a personal conclusion that it was better to be here for my children, in my emotional gender, than not be here for them as they grow, learn and become the exceptional people that I know they have the potential to become.
My employer has been wonderful about my transition. Law Enforcement agencies are para-militaristic in nature and acceptance by the organization and the members of the department was not a simple or easy thing for any of us. There have been few problems directly affecting me, but there are issues that my peers have, which I am keenly aware of. I had worked diligently to allay some of this fears, biases, and misconceptions by meeting with some 1200 of my fellow officers and support staff, individually. For the most part, these were positive encounters.
In my personal life, my change of gender, had an enormous price. I lost my marriage and my best friend. I hurt my children and caused their lives to be filled with embarrassment and pain; the father that they had known, was no longer there, in the same form. My Father and I did not speak for years and my brothers basically disowned me.
My co-workers and friends at work, were also at odds about how to deal with the loss of a friend, and the integration of my new persona into their lives. To say that I did this or that any transsexual transitions without much contemplation, agony and guilt, is short sighted and naive. The pain and suffering involved can be live-ending!
I did transition while working as a detective without much fanfare and no media publicity, much to the credit of a friend who was the Assistant Chief of Police, but I could not have done this without the other friends who were there for me daily. One of which was a Deputy Chief, who took this issue on for the organization and made appropriate policy and procedural decisions to incorporate my situation into the diversity model for the agency. On a personal level, she made life so much less painful by removing the bureaucratic red tape and effecting common sense decisions about me as a person and how I fit into the organization.
Another friend, a lieutenant and one of my closest confidants on the department, was there in the beginning, some ten years before I dared to actually transition. She was there for support, to provide sound advice and direction. I could not ask for a better command officer and friend. She provided insight into issues that I was nowhere able to assess, in my state of mind. She helped me understand the long term ramifications of my decisions both at home and at work, which assisted in my own deliberations and over the years, my life plan.
Another friend, came into my life in a time of need. Friends chose you, and not the other way around. This friend is an outstanding person and was the foundation for the support network that has guided and counseled me with loving attention. They made life bearable when many other things in my life were going horribly wrong. I owe a debt of gratitude to her. She has earned my trust, and my loyalty, and my friendship, for life!
Having survived transition, integration back into the workplace and coping with my family issues, I felt the need to give back to the �community� what I had learned and help others with the guideline or map, of how to help them find their way through this journey in life. I focused upon law enforcement officers because like me, they are isolated due to the job. They may need anonymity, protection, and secrecy, because premature disclosure of their condition is not only a threat to their employment, but to their very lives in some cases.
Suicide is not a topic easily discussed in public, but it had a substantial shadow over this particular segment of the law enforcement community, one which I wanted to address and minimize, through the support outlet that I helped inaugurate in October 2002, in the form of the Yahoo Group (Support and Discussion). I named the group, T-COPS for Transgender Community of Police & Sheriffs.
T-COPS began as part of a study by a professor at Southern Police Institute, who was researching the phenomenon of transgender law enforcement officers and their retention by their respective organizations. The researcher identified several police officers, deputy sheriffs, and federal officers in the United States and the United Kingdom and put us in contact with one another via email, thus providing the medium to facilitate our gathering and discussing pertinent topics that we could only share with other cops that are transsexual or transgender.
The people that I have met are of some of the highest caliber individuals which I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. They are mostly highly motivated cops, held in high regard and successful in their careers. Having said that they are coping with enormous issues in their personal lives and still hold the kind of integrity, honesty and loyalty to which I respect above all else in people, let alone other cops. They are the reason for T-COPS to exist, until that day where there is no need for this organization.
T-COPS is two years old and boasts an official membership of some (75) active members in the discussion group. These members are from the U.S., U.K., Canada and Australia. There are other contacts which I am aware of, presenting an additional (140) officers from the U.S., U.K., Canada, Australia, Scotland, New Zealand, France, Germany, Spain and Portugal.
In November of 2003 my personal journey took me to Phuket, Thailand. Aside from being one of the most beautiful places in the world with blue green oceans, sparkling beaches, and truly wonderful people, it is where I had my gender reassignment surgery. In one regard this was another birth-place for me. It will always hold a special place in my heart.
Returning home, in my newly minted gender, I began the next part of the journey; getting comfortable with the new me. This part of the journey has been exceptional this far and I have enjoyed every precious moment; the good with the bad.
I am exploring life with a newly felt enthusiasm and looking forward to what life has to offer. I ask for health, hope and happiness for my family, my friends, and for myself. The rest will take care of itself.
Thank you for taking the time to read my page. I hope that it is of some benefit to you, or to someone that you may know.
If you are a transgendered officer and wish to email me, please feel free or join the Yahoo Group.
Hugs,
julie
May you be blessed with friends like I have. They brighten those dark and cloudy days and shine like the sun all of the rest of the time.