Curtains of Self

In our everyday existences, there is a need to maintain the division between a private life and a public life of a person. While we are in fact buoyed by others, as in the case of strong friendships, and in some views a complete ability to assist must be supplemented by a complete truth of all circumstances, a lack of division ultimately results in a lack of depth. When all is shared, the personal self no longer remains, nor the identity, for we become in that situation merely what we are to others.

Each person needs her own private realm where she can be free to be herself, because as much as we think our world is conducive to individualism, the nuances of society never fail to impose guidelines and judgment on all. If one doesn’t keep certain thoughts, feelings, and desires to herself, she will gain support, and she will also gain irreverent criticism. The outcome of her predicaments will be suggested upon by others, and she will be swayed by their inevitable biases when making decisions. By upholding the privacy of self, one retains her individuality and a choice will be made based on her motivations and inclinations alone, not those of others, who will not have to live with the consequences of the decision. When privacy is retained, one is forced to remain in constant contact with herself, because she must rely on herself for important decisions.

While the private world is the one of self and determination, the public one remains one of mystery. We are drawn to others not so much by what we know of them, but what we desire to know of them. If we were introduced to a person and instantaneously our brains were implanted with everything we could ever desire to know about that person, there would be no need to befriend that person, to get to know him or her, to forge a bond. The bond would never exist, because there was never anything to share and find out.

The private world is the world of the self, of secrecy, a world exclusive to the beholder and the select few who are trustworthy and kind enough to understand its inner workings. The mind is a tremendous outlet for frustration and grief, where one can sustain self-pity for a time, and then forget about it. Because it is only known to the one who possessed the thoughts, it never has any backlash or remembrance but one’s own, which will not deprive her of anything with others. If inner feelings of despondency or rage were shared with others, a wrong image of the person might be purported, one that is not true to the soul of the self and ultimately contradicts the self, causing additional distress. Everyone has moments of insecurity and anger, just as everyone has times of “vulgarity” and “silliness“ as Prochazka did. Yet despite the fact that we all do, and we know we all do, no one is willing to accept signs of weakness in others, for in doing so we would have to acknowledge our own weaknesses, and most people always want to be superior to others – it is part of our bizarre sense of self-confidence as Westerners.

These thoughts, which pervade our thoughts during times of insecurity, are not the truth of our souls, yet the majority of the world would not understand this. Sometimes, inner thoughts turn toward annoyance or resentment toward another person, and if these thoughts were shared, the person would be hurt, and would have a difficult time moving beyond the criticism, even if the accusation was merely an outlet for unrelated anger. A confession of adoration could have a worse backlash if rejected, while kept to itself it has time to burgeon into a rose of idealism and beauty. Once something has been shared with others, it can never be recanted, taken back, altered – it remains in the minds of others always, forever an influence on their interpretation of you.

There is, however, a need to extend the aura of the private life to a few people besides the self. Inner conflicts confined to the realm of the self will ultimately eat the soul of the beholder, creating internal chaos and incredible self-doubt and anguish. When released to the ears of a sympathetic friend or listener, the tortured one can come to terms with her feelings, and get advice. The matters cease to be solely consumptive, and, while they will not suddenly subsist when introduced to the light of the world, they will somehow ease when shared. “A house divided against itself cannot stand,” said Abraham Lincoln, and although he was referring to the twin sides of Union, so too does this hold for a soul in hatred of itself. When the anger and disgust at one’s own actions takes over, the positive attributes of a person are lost in the shuffle, and she ceases to see the good in herself, instead seeing only the bad and losing all confidence in her ability and humanity.

In maintaining a certain degree of privacy and intimacy privy only to the self, one maintains her sense of dignity and allows for redemption in her own eyes, while never falling in the eyes of others, who, although we would wish it not to be, do impact the choices we make. By keeping private thoughts and feelings to ourselves, we avoid unnecessary judgment and the unintentional infliction of pain upon others, and also can more easily move past times of uncertainty. There are some who can be invited into the world of the self – those who are not another being but merely an extension of the first – and these people can be privy to the inner jeremiads of the soul because these people understand the suffering and refuse to judge or misinterpret these musings. Without a degree of privacy, we suffer from delusions, but we also can build no illusions, the breaking down of which are what we ultimately strive to accomplish in any relationship of value. The “curtain of privacy” should remain drawn as long as people continue to judge each other, which, as far as I can see, will continue ad infinitum.

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws