Julia Schwartz

December 4, 2002

I love my life. I really do. No, not everything is what I want it to be; in fact, a lot of it isn’t. But, like Maude, I know that the bad things are necessary, that they are indeed just another part of life, that everything happens for a reason and is part of the grand scheme known to man as life. And I know I have the power to change so much of it, to shape my own future, and present, to “get what I want if I want it because I CAN get anything” in my life. Willpower is important and I know I really can accomplish great things when I want to.

God has given my so many gifts; perhaps the greatest of all is that I can realize this. I’m not happy because everything works perfectly according to my plan; I’m happy because I can revel in beautiful moments, spin and leap, laugh, love, and control what I need to. I can excel in life: in learning, in a career, in love, in family. I hope that, like Maude, I will be able to cope with all I am presented with in my life, to turn all the bad into rays of good. In attempting to find the good in what is initially bad during the past few months, my outlook has improved, and the world isn’t a cage anymore—it is MY wonderland, given to me, and I can decide the impact I want to have on it, what I want to do, where I want to go. No, I can’t keep everyone I love alive and happy, satisfy everyone, or even be happy every moment. But what I can do is cherish that which I can, and learn to respect and appreciate that which I can’t.

I love my room in its perfect expression of me, and the literal and emotional warmth there that surrounds me there. I love slow songs charged with feeling; I love the breeze on a warm spring or summer afternoon; I love holding a cup of hot tea in my hands. I love waking up swathed in warm blankets with the songs I love playing; I love staying up into the night talking to my kindred spirits or spending time with my brother when he is home, or reading my favorite books. I love rolling down a hill fresh with snow; I love the blast of heat coming in from a cold windy day. I love finding a new outfit; I love feeling like I mean something to someone; I love when my dog looks at me and comes to sit with me—I love knowing there’s someone who will love and adore and depend on me, no matter what I do. I love knowing there is someone out there who will make me happier than I’ve ever been; I love knowing my future is waiting for me and my past still waves to and supports me. I love feeling the beat of a song and dancing to it in a room filled with energy and letting everything go away but movement, even if it is only for a short time.

I love to dream; I love to revel in what I have; I love to know that I can overcome my troubles if I set my mind to it (even though I haven’t gotten there yet); I love knowing I’m an eclectic mix of everything and that I can be whoever I want to be. I love knowing I am a success; I love knowing I am loved; I love knowing I have the freedom to live my own life free from poverty, strife, discord, pain; I love the precious family I have. I love doing something I’ve always wanted to do for a long time; I love knowing I’ve broken through. I love the possibilities that I can just reach into the air and grab; I love having an outlet in writing and an inspiration for doing so; I love knowing I’m not alone in my pain…   

I love knowing I could go on forever in this way, being bombarded with things I love about my life that make me happy, for by finding my happiness I know it truly exists, and I don’t need to doubt myself.

            This is what Maude taught Harold and what she has taught me—that life is a magnificent gift, and I should appreciate each beautiful moment of it as though it was my last time to be able to do this, because maybe it is. But even though it probably isn’t, I can still enjoy these things and make life so much more beautiful as I live it day by day, and in the end, I know I will have lived a life of more joy and fulfillment that if I had moved blindly through my days without stopping to revel in the wonder surrounding me every moment of my life.