Julia Schwartz

April 8, 2001

Great Expectations: Chapter 60

                I was never to see Estella again, though I often heard about her activities through the society pages of the newspaper. Although I once would have pined away from her, seeing her again in the courtyard at Miss Havisham’s had helped me to find inner peace. I thought of her often, and I knew that she was my friend, though we were apart. Her unhappiness seemed to link us; it was a bond tighter than my wealth had ever been.

                I returned to Cairo with Clarriker and my dear friend Herbert, for I couldn’t bear to stay with Joe and Biddy. I was happy to live with Herbert and his little wife, Clara. The two were quite happy! There was a little son, whom they called Matthew, in honor of Herbert’s father. I was made the child’s godfather, and he is quite spoiled by his adoring parents. It often seemed to me that all of my friends had become married so happily! - That is, all but Estella.

                I often attended social parties, for Herbert felt that I needed someone in my life to share it with. I never expected to find anyone, for I knew that no one could ever take the place of Estella in my heart. I was correct, but there was someone who could push Estella aside in a single word, and whom I loved with an even stronger, and truer love than that which I had adorned Estella. It was at one of those occasions which I had been forced to go to by Herbert, and I was feeling very poorly. On the way, my carriage was pelted by swollen raindrops, and thunder constantly broke the gray sky.

                “Thank you sir,” I said to the doorman, handing him a shilling for his services. He directed me to the event, and there I ensconced myself in an armchair and proceeded to wait out the hour which it would be appropriate for me to stay without being rude. While I was sitting, I saw a beautiful lady with magnificent brown hair whirling around with a man on the dance floor. Her deep red dress seemed to be the red of my bruised heart. Smiling and laughing, she made me think of what Estella might have been, had she not been so confused that she locked herself up within herself.

                It was that grain of Estella in her, and the carefree freedom within her, that prevented me from taking my eyes off of her. At the end of the current dance, I rose to ask her to dance (something that I had certainly never done before!) but was forced to sit again as another man swept her off her feet. And so this continued, until I decided to wait by the side of the room where she was.

                When the waltz ended, I stepped up to her. "Will you give me the pleasure of dancing with you?" I asked, with a smile on my face. She cocked her head while she dropped into a curtsey, and then we began a dance.  She was a superb dancer, and danced the Quadrille as though she had invented it herself.

When the set ended, I offered her a drink. I expected a negative answer, instead she smiled at me again, and replied, “Surely, if only you will give me the gratification of your name?”

Laughing, I answered, “ ‘Tis Philip Pirrip, but I am called Pip. Come, let me escort you to the beverage table.” She gave me her hand, and we walked over. I took a goblet of punch for her, and one for myself as well. We danced twice more, until it was time for me to go. I asked her for her name, bowed and kissed her hand.

For the first time, my expectations had aided me! Oh, dear Magwitch, you kind man, thank you so much for giving me this opportunity!

*     *     *

My dear Madam:

                Your presence is requested in the park tomorrow at high noon. I shall send

my driver to pick you up. I hope to meet you there; please inform me at your nearest

convenience if you shall be unable to make the occasion.

                                                                                                                Yours, Pip

                As requested, at noon the next day I arrived in the park. When I told Herbert the night before, he leapt up in anticipation, shouting, “Congratulations, dear Pip! I am assured she is a fine lady! It is no wonder your eyes are shining!” And then he raced to call Clara, and she smiled in that quiet way of hers, and announced, “Well!”  - Of course, from Clara, this was quite a statement, and I felt wholly blessed.

                Arriving at the park, I sat down on a bench to wait for her. I paced around impatiently, and even ran to get a newspaper for an old man seated near me. When I saw my carriage, I jumped up to aid her on her descent.

                “Good morning, Miss Dridglee! Your ride was flawless, I hope?” I once heard a lady described as a ‘concerto of beauty’- without doubt, this definition fitted the striking Lillianna Jane, with the sun shining upon her graceful figure!

                She laughed, “Afternoon, Mr. Pip! And you may call me by my first name; we are no longer complete strangers: I perceive you hope to find a companion in me, do you not?” I lowered my head, embarrassed that she thought me so bold. She smiled again, and whispered (like it was a secret, although she was quite joking in manner), “nevertheless, it’s alright, I am in need of a companion as well. Shall we take a walk?”

                Bold for a lady, but quite unobtrusive, I was surprised at her leadership. I led her around the pond, and we purchased a small loaf of bread to feed to the swans. At one point, she tripped slightly over the root of a tree, and I leapt to catch her, lest she fall. “Oh!” she cried, “please excuse my clumsy feet; it seems I have been quite off my guard presently.”

                Joyful at the intent of her words, I smiled, and laughed, “well, Miss Lillianna, it seems that I have quite knocked you off your feet!” We laughed together, and I thought afterwards that this was the first time when I had been so blissful and relaxed in the presence of a lady.

                Lillianna was different from Estella; while she had the same sophistication and beauty of the latter, she was jovial, and seemed to welcome my flirtation. In her I saw a new chance, a strand of a happy life which I had not lived since before I first met Magwitch among the marshes. (God rest his soul!)

                As we parted at the end of that lovely afternoon, I was well assured I would see her again, and did not feel at all inadequate; I felt as though I had found a missing part of my life that I had never found throughout my life, and for once, it seemed as though my expectations had brought upon something that was completely good. Finally, my dear benefactor’s desire to have a gentleman had paid off, and I felt I was a gentlemen in all senses of the word.