Julia Schwartz
April 4, 2002
In
the midst of constant pressure on Antonio Maréz by his mother to be a devout
Catholic in Rudolfo Anaya’s Bless Me, Ultima, the focal character
Antonio comes face to face with a struggle that is perhaps even more potent and
difficult than the battle between the Maréz and the Luna of his blood. Through
Antonio’s struggle between priesthood, farming, the vaquero lifestyle,
and moving to California to follow his father’s dream, he never really has a
chance to figure out what he truly believes. There is too much pressure
from his silently dueling parents, who each want him to be something that
contradicts the wish of the other. He sees no way he can please both at the same
time. Similarly, Antonio is struck by two dueling religions: Catholicism, and
that of the golden carp. Meanwhile, the curandera Ultima’s simple
method of healing and wisdom lie in the back of his mind as comfort and relief
from the mentally draining lifestyle he lives at home.
When his friends
Samuel and Cico introduce Tony to the story of the golden carp, a god who
“told the other gods that he chose to be turned into a carp and swim in the
river where he could take care of his people” (81) who had been turned into
carps in a river to save their lives, Tony is filled with awe. He never could
have imagined a god but his own, yet he places enormous trust in his friend
Samuel. The golden carp fills in some of the holes that Catholicism has left in
Tony’s religious ideas, yet also he finds many holes in the pagan religion. He
“could not believe this strange story [of the golden carp]…and yet [he]
could not disbelieve…it made [him] shiver, not because it was cold but because
the roots of everything [he] had ever believed in seemed shaken” (81). The
golden carp is, to Tony, a god who loves everyone: his primary goal is to help
the people—this is why he became a golden carp. This aspect of the golden carp
particularly appeals to Tony, as he wants to find a god who will help others and
forgive them, instead of punishing them for their misdeeds.
Even
while Antonio would be happy to find a god who can help him answer all his
questions and solve his conflicts, he does not hold much faith in a golden carp.
“At first I thought I must be dreaming,” thinks Antonio when he first views
the golden carp. “[Antonio] had expected to see a carp the size of a river
carp, perhaps a little bigger and slightly orange instead of brown.
[He] rubbed his eyes and watched in astonishment” (113). As Cico
intonates a grandiose introduction for the elusive golden carp, Antonio’s
perception of the carp warps from astonishment to wonder and awe. “The huge,
beautiful form glided through the water. [Antonio] could not believe its size.
It was bigger than [him]! And bright orange! The sunlight glistened off his
golden scales. He glided down the creek with a couple of small carp following,
but they were like minnows compared to him” (113).
Antonio expected a unique but more or less a common carp. Instead, after
Cico builds the golden carp up to such a powerful extent, Antonio believes that
there could be a god who is fairer and more forgiving than his Catholic god.
After witnessing the death of men and the swift deterioration of his brothers,
Antonio desperately wants answers to his questions, and something to cling to.
When he hears word of the golden carp, Antonio hopes he can find this in
Cico’s new god. Thus, when Cico builds up the golden carp to substantial
proportions, Antonio can believe in him because he wants to so badly.
The
idea of an actual carp that is three feet long and radiant in gold is certainly
an odd one. The idea that this fish is a god is odder still. However, truth does
profess that anything is true if one believes it is. This means that, if
Antonio, Cico, Samuel, and Jasón’s Indian believed enough in the golden carp,
they could see the golden carp in any carp in the river. A carp that is a little
more orange than the rest, and a little bigger than the rest, with enough pure
imagination and devout belief, could easily become a behemoth golden carp.
This is why adults and many other children cannot see him, and only the
‘believers’ can- because the golden carp isn’t anything overly special:
only those who believe in him enough build him up to the point of being able to
see the carps in much greater proportion and magnitude as the elusive golden
carp god.
Antonio’s
knowledge of the golden carp places him less in question of his religion and
more in doubt of his general beliefs and way of life. While he questions his
Catholic religion, and struggles to understand the pagan golden carp religion,
he still cannot make a decision as to what is right for him. In his mind, he
desperately wants to be able to believe in Catholicism, because that is what he
is raised to do, and that is what his mother’s dream for him entails. In his
mind, he almost wants to be able to believe the religion of the golden carp,
because it can be a way of “building [his] own dream out of those things that
were so much a part of [his] childhood” (261). Even though the way of the
golden carp would allow Antonio to build his own path, it is not what he truly
believes in. Antonio believes most strongly in Ultima, and her influence will
make the greatest impact on what he chooses to do. It is not her words that
shape Tony’s future, but her willingness to let Tony find his own words when
nobody else does that will shape his future.
Antonio’s
friendship with Ultima is above all something for Antonio to believe in. When he
is with Ultima, everything seems clear and simple to Antonio: the good and the
bad are distinct, and he has a cause, an ultimate goal. In his life otherwise,
he struggles to differentiate the good and the bad and figure out where he
belongs. Ultima’s purpose with Antonio is not to force yet another expectation
upon him, but help him to realize how important it is for him to make a decision
on his own, and what he truly believes in. Tony can love and respect Ultima as a
mother because she does this for him, while his actual mother places too much
faith and hope on his little shoulders and demands that he is a devout Catholic
as she is. The golden carp helps Antonio to realize that he does not need to
substantiate his beliefs, and Ultima shows him that there is never complete good
in life, but that this isn’t the fault of God. When Ultima blesses Antonio,
she gives him the power to think for himself and determine what he truly wants
to find in his aspirations for life. When Antonio asks Ultima at her deathbed to
bless him, he is asking someone for the first time to place her wish upon him,
and by showing him enough of life’s secrets that he can make this request,
Ultima has blessed Antonio.