what point served she in all my life
but to be point and blade of knife
that she plunged deep into my soul
and left me feeling less than whole
for as i stared at that dread sight
i felt not pain, i felt not fright
but only horror at the thought
that what i thought i was, was not
i lost myself within that gape
as stripped from me was cowl and cape
so that my soul lay naked there
at last exposed to the harsh air
that comes with life lived in the real
and there i was.  i'd hoped to steal
the easy track so i could be
merrily on my way as me
at least as i had seen myself
that mischievous and merry elf
i'd hoped to find what they spoke of
the pride, the peace, the joy, the love
i'd lived my life in fairy tales
on placid seas with wind in sails
and it all came tumbling down
the second that i saw that frown
the disdain plain upon her face
the disappointment in its place
the source of which i can't deny
must yet within this body lie
and for that instant time stood still
to destroy all i'd tried to build
and while the phoenix rises to
the sky from flames to start anew
i cannot do these much sought things
for your heat has now clipped my wings
and so in ashes i remain
despite the fall of acid rain
upon my broken spirit's brow
that struggles to discover how
and why and what for all that went
on took place and what it all meant
would it have killed her to have tried
just for once what she oft denied
would she have been so soiled by me
that live she could no longer be
if just one time she let me in
her world of secret inner sin
perhaps it could have been that goal
which we both sought to make us whole
but now we will not ever know
and while she floats above, below
i sink into my dark abyss
still yearning to achieve the bliss
she knows in all her innocence
and even though it makes no sense
to keep on falling to my doom
i cannot stop while large does loom
in my mind that dread query- say,
now what if things were not this way?