Bored and alone with only a newspaper and a packet of Doritos for company

Matt: So what shall we do today?.

Alan: I don't fucking know. What time is it?

Matt: 11am, why?.

Alan: Well we could watch the news, i guess

Matt: Jesus!, we never watch the news?. why the hell would we?.

Alan: Um, i dunno. If we've never done it before, how do we know what it's like?.

Matt: Yeah mate, so i spose it could be 'very interesting and educational?'.

Alan: Turn the TV on then.

Matt: There's no sound?...why is that?...

Alan: How in the name of God would I know?. You told me not to touch the TV after last time!.

Matt: I know that dipshit, are you surprised?... you blew the fucker up!.

Alan: Well.... I...

Matt: Hmmm, well maybe the plug's come out.

Alan: Come out of where?. Well, I'm not touching it, so there.

Matt: <impersonates voice> ...so there!!!!.....

Alan: Hey, don't get all pissed off, im not touching it because you'll blame me if something goes wrong. Go look around the back of it.

<looks round the back, picks up a cable, screen goes fuzzy>

Alan: You arsehole!, now there's no bloody picture!. you knocked the arial out!.

Matt: Oh, um... err... look, i've plugged it back in now, stop your moaning.

Alan: Nope, urr Matt, theres kinda no picture at all now... ooooh wait........ um....yup... got it!... er... no... shit!... damn it. You must have pulled it too far.

Matt: No problem!, sure, i can fix this, i'll just um... .get some ladders.... yup.. ladders.

Alan: What for?

Matt: To get on the roof.

Alan: WHAT?. Have you got a death wish?.

Matt: No, why?. It's no problem, i'll just go round the back and on to the roof.

Alan: It's been raining for the past 3 days!. It'll be all fucking slippery. Don't do it.

Matt: No, I wont do it, you'll do it.

Alan: Very funny mate, yer, funny.

Matt: We'll both do it. i'll hold the ladd...

Alan: ..No, I'll hold the ladder and you can get on the roof, and fix the arial.

Matt: OK, fine!. Im not scared of heights!.

Alan: OK!.

Matt: ...digging!.