Carrie, Jerry and a fridge full of ham
SCENE 1
Jerry:
Shit.. shit... shit..shit...fuck.. will someone please fuckin help me?... hello!.. HELLO!!!!
Carrie:
Hello?... who's there?. Are you hurt?. Where are you?
Jerry:
In here...
Carrie:
<looks around office>
In where?....
Jerry:
In the fucking fridge!... please help me!.
Carrie:
<sceptically, wonders if its a set up>
Oh!, I wonder if the fridge is really talking to me. I wonder if that nice Jeremy Beadle is goin to pop out from behind it...I've always love his show..... I wonder if...
Jerry:
LOOK!, for christ's sake, I really am trapped in the fridge!. I'm freezing to death and my wedding is tomorrow!.
Carrie:
How can I believe you?.
Jerry:
Fine!... I don't know. Um... just trust me. Seriously I am trapped. Do you think I'd do this for fun?
Carrie:
What the hell are you doing in there?
Jerry:
Um, I'd have though that was pretty fucking obvious
Carrie:
How did u get in?
Jerry:
Jesus!, nevermind how I got in, just get me fucking out you hear?!.
Carrie:
Yes, I hear, but I don't know if I should!. Someone's obviously locked you inside the fridge for a reason....
Jerry:
You think?????
Carrie:
Yeah, that's why they've put a chain and padlock on the door and a sign saying "unlock this fridge and you will die!!"... so I'm taking an intelligent guess and saying I am not gonna let you out.
Jerry:
But I'll die in here!, it's freezing!.
Carrie:
Well how about if I switch the power off?. At least it won't be so cold.
Jerry:
GREAT IDEA!!!... yeah, quickly. I can't feel my balls!.
Carrie:
Maybe your hands are just numb!.
Jerry:
I didn't mean....
<switch turns off, pulls plug>
what was that noise?...
Carrie:
I just pulled the plug. Look, I have to go and find out who locked you in here. I'll be back soon. Hang in there..
Jerry:
Just unlock the door and I can come out!. There isn't much room to hang on to anything!.
Carrie:
I haven't got the key. I' won't be long. I'll get someone to come and sit with you.
Jerry:
Thanks. And will you get a blanket or something please?... I'm so cold.
Carrie:
Where the fuck am I going to find a blanket in an office?.
Jerry:
I don't know... a coat... a scarf... anything!.
Carrie:
But it's summer. It's 160 degrees outside!.You're at an advantage, it's fuckign boiling out, oh i mean...in here!, sorry!.
Jerry:
Oh christ. Get my phone from my jacket pocket and ring my brother. Tell him not to panic and i'll be home as soon as I can.
Carrie:
I'll go and get help first. Look, before I go, this isn't just some stupid office stag night prank is it?. I really should be getting home.
Jerry:
Look Lady, this is hardly how I want to spend my last night as a free man, now is it?. go and get someone.
Carrie:
What's your name?.
Jerry:
Jerry.
Carrie:
OK Jerry, my name is Carrie. Hold on...
Jerry:
OK. ey, hold on to what?
Carrie:
Um, iciles?
Jerry:
FUNNY!!
<later>
Carrie:
Um, Jerry, it's Carrie here... I got to the end of the corridoor and I don't know how to put this, but there's been a power cut. The whole town's gone out. I found my way back with my lighter. But there's no way I can see to try and get you out. We'll both just have to wait here until it comes back on.
Jerry:
Well I think that may be just a little too hard for me right now!. SHIT!.. fucking son of a bitch.
Carrie:
I'm sorry. well I'll just sit down here and keep you company.
Jerry:
Oh...oh.. oh fuck. Now the food is starting to defrost. This ham smells like eww...... shit...oh that is too nasty... and someone's cheese sandw.....shit.. i'm gona throw up!.
Carrie:
So I guess we'll just have to wait until the power comes back on. Um.... I dont know what to say. This is kinda an awkward situation!.
Jerry:
D'y think?... fuck fucks sake!. i'm getting married tomorrow!.