Sit back, bong up, and get down to the story of our little "day out" to the Greenday gig we went to last night. As I recall…

I’d just come back from saving a drunken armadillo from drowning in the Cheadle carpark toilets,

Hannah had been making mobile phones out of strawberry lancers (fizzy one might I add),

Lou had been making pizza soup at Pizza Hut since 4am,

Greg had been digging a pond in his wardrobe so he could grow glow in the dark pondweed,

Fuck knows where Sheep and Dave had been, probably recording the soundtrack to "My father owns a Perspex factory II" (out in cinemas late March),

Liz, Mike and Mark had been making curtains and attractive lace cushions for Mike’s room

And Andrew and Martin were busy in post-production for "Shaving Ryan’s Privates".

Hannah and I arrived, and it was pissing down, so (not wanting to get my hair wet and have blue and red dye running everywhere) we went into Kwik Save to buy some supplies. After roaming the store in search of pink marshmallows, excessive amounts of beer and 11 frozen Hawaiian pizzas, (with a deep crust), decided to buy 7UP, a massive 40ft bag of Doritos and another packet of fizzy strawberry lancers (for Hannah’s phone making hobby) we proceeded to the check out, where Hannah turned into the incredible hulk at the cost of paying 1p for a carrier bag. Then we went outside to get everyone else. The whether had not really improved but we noticed a mini bus buy the toilets so we went over to investigate. Greg took pole position with his super charged water pistol, and Hannah covered him (with 7UP). They proceeded (as taught in training) then Mike jumped onto the roof. Then he borrowed Liz’s lighter to burn a whole through the radioactive roof and pulled out the driver (who had a hole in his jeans). After much interrogation the driver gave in and said that he was sposed to take us to Nottingham Ice arena. After a unanimous "hoorah, jolly good ol’ chap sorry about creasing your already creased T- shirt" we loaded into the mini bus. Andrew was terribly distraught about the mini bus colour. Our company uses pink busses with a fairy on the side and this one was just plain white, with a few skid marks (of the tyre variety) on the doors. Then off we went….of course things never going to plan, the driver didn’t really know where we were going to. I hid my bum bag full of weapons, fireworks, light pens, whistles, cameras, video cameras, satellite dishes, Perspex greenhouse windows and knives under my seat, so as not to have it detected by the security pigeons who were guarding the entrance to the car park. Then we took the 2 week journey to Nottingham with great joy, whilst enjoying counting tea leaves and excessive amounts of prank calls with Mr. B.A.A. Sheep as Mr. Chhhhhris Tarrrrant. We got there and the doors didn’t open until another hour and a half so what did we do???… well we all went swimming and then Martin and Andrew got married. We held the reception in a really great gothic pub… full of trendy’s but gothic in it’s nature anyways. I like the word "pub" so I'll mention it again… PUB!. Andrew decided to count the nipples, or where they legs?, of a gargoyle on the wall and then proceeded to wave at the CCTV camera inside, proving his ability to act like an underage pilchard in a tin of tuna. Then ppl wanted another drink, whereas I wanted to go and get the seats…. And then I nearly killed the lot of them as some of them ordered burgers and this made us late….and do u know what we missed????. TRE COOL WITH NO TROUSERS ON!…well almost as good as that, the band had pulled up in their white stretch limo to sign some autographs and WE FUCKIN MISSED THEM!. All we got was to see them drive past us in the limo. I suggested that Mike throw himself in front of the thing so he’d get run over and the guys would get out to see if he was ok, then I’d use my training tactics to pull Tre out of the vehicle, cram him into my bum bag and cart him off back to my animation studio. Hmph. So I wasn’t at all pissed off with anyone about missing getting their autographs and attaching myself and Louise to Tre’s leg with my wallet chain, not at all. Then we saw some of the ppl Mike and I worked with form Alton Towers (they were actually inconspicuous looking policemen with large flamingo truncheons and swish haircuts using too much tapioca pudding to fix them in place). Then we tried to find Greg by shouting "Canadians suck" "Limp are better than Korn!" and the obvious "Greg!!!!" but we didn’t see him until we got inside. Then came the weapons search. A 20ft Willy Wonka fan asked me if minded being searched by a male. Of course I hesitated and said "Well actually do you mind being kicked in the arse by a nearly 5ft 6 (GASP!) teenage girl wanting to see her favourite band?", then came his reply of "Oh sorry madam, I will ignore your 800ft chain you hid around your waist and please come through. I will guide you to your seat"… which was mighty nice of him. Then Liz had to have her bag searched… which was shame because we though that our kidnapped President Moloshoerslobercok would be found inside the my water bottle. So after two weeks waiting for Liz to get out of jail and finished her strip search we went and sat in our seats, which weren’t ours but we sat in them anyways. The Bouncing Souls were supporting, and although they were fucking RANCD rip-offs they were pretty good. After blatantly exclaiming "WE ARE T.B.S" they left and 30 min later Greenday came on. We moved to our proper seats and said hi to the other ppl from Alton Towers. Then we were all given gas and dropped down dead. We then arose to hear some old sons and then a couple from WARNING. Louise pointed out two very strange blokes dressed in ballet costumes who were fucking about in the pit. Billie Joe told everyone to pick up a surfer who’d fallen on the floor and then due to the many Smirnoff Ice’s Lou had taken in, she began to climb the rope ladder that suspended from the arena roof. I was left standing sinking into the mud that was poured all over the seats, I’m sure I found some vanilla ice cream too… but it was melted. Then Charlie bleeped Hannah because he needed us to cause some vile crime. After the gig that lasted 3 hours, we went off to the pub, and ended up sleeping rough for 10 whole minutes whilst we waited for secret agents Liz and Mike. Then Dave kidnapped a woman and spanked her numerous times to the tune of an Oasis track. And we all went for pizza then back to the arena where Dave nicked a board and I made a magik circle on the floor which Hannah wouldn’t sit in… which made me a sad, sad panda Mr. Garrison. Then we all came home and Mark gave birth to a bottle of vodka.

That’s what happended!…serously!.