Alison: So, um what'ya doin?

Oliver: Making a sandwich

Alison: Yup, you're makin’ a sandwich. I can see that. What I mean is what are you putting in your sandwich?

Oliver: Stuff

Alison: I know dip shit, what is that red stuff I mean?

Oliver: Why?

Alison: Stop being evasive

Oliver: I'm not I just don't wanna tell you what it is, that's all.

Alison: OK <turns around> so that wouldn't be human flesh that your putting with your lettuce and tomato then?.

Oliver: Uhhhhhhhh........

Alison: Well??. I've had my suspicions for a week now!.

Oliver: OK, OK it is, what's the big problem here?.

Alison: Well, uh, let's see. I've been dating you for 2 weeks and you failed to tell me that you're a freakin’ cannibal!.... other than that, there is no problem.

Oliver: Well I'm sorry. Do I have to tell you EVERYTHING all of a sudden??.

Alison: Well it kinda might be nice for me to, you know, know that you eat human flesh....oh wait, maybe it's just me that's being paranoid here. Nevermind.

Oliver: OK then <continues to make sandwich>.

Alison: So what's your favourite filling then, I mean on your CANNIBAL sandwiches?.

Oliver: BLT.

Alison: BLT?, you dick!, that's bacon, and dead pig flesh is not human.

Oliver: Pig flesh?, ey?.

Alison: BLT is bacon, lettuce and tomato.

Oliver: No... it's Baby, lettuce and tomato, or when Bob's in season then I'll have a Bob, lettuce and tomato sandwich.

Alison: Your a little fucked up aren't you. Maybe I should re-think our grounds for a relationship.

Oliver: Ahhh shit, not another one!. it seems that every girlfriend I have, then dump me as soon as they know about my dietary needs.

Alison: D'Y think???.

Oliver: Well it's just that once they dump me, well, I...... I.... kinda have to eat them.

Alison: Don't talk such shit.

Oliver: I'm not. So basically, don't dump me and not get eaten, or alternatively, join Kate, Becky and Steph in the freezer cabinet... your choice. I really like you, so I'd rather not have to kill you.

Alison: Hmph. Well I spose when you put it like that. As long as you clean your teeth after eaten someone, then it's fine.

Oliver: Are you hungry?

Alison: No.. not anymore.

Oliver: I'll just put this in the fridge until later then. I'm expecting the paperboy at 4:00pm

Alison: Oh dear!. So how many other ppl know about this then?.

Oliver: Well the whole town really, they won't let me into any supermarkets or meat counters. I'm not allowed to stand in open fields of sheep either.

Alison: But, why??. Sheep aren't human.

Oliver: I forgot to tell u that I molest sheep too.

Alison: Ahhhh, fuck that ain't so bad. It's the whole you could bite my ass off at any time that bothers me!. Anything else you forgot to mention again?.

Oliver: No. Not that I can think of right now.

Alison: Well I spose we should go and catch the bus. The film starts at 2pm.

Oliver: OK. Well, I'll just go and wipe the blood off my chin.

Alison: <vomits violently in the sink>

Oliver: OK, I am ready now. Have you got the tickets?.

Alison: <thinking: he won't eat me...he won't eat me......>

Oliver: ALI????, U THERE?????.

Alison: Yeah <eyes roll>. Have you got any spare RIBS....ahhh fuck i mean spare CHANGE for the bus then?. Ahhhhhhh!!!!

Oliver: <laughs>

Alison: I...I... didn't mean to say that!.

Oliver: It's OK. You're not gonna end up in a casserole!. I like you so don't worry.

Alison: Ahhh thatnks Oli, my mind is completely at rest now!......

Oliver: We will miss the bus.

Oliver: Well the movie should be good.

Alison: I'm sorry but is it just me or is everyone staring at you...I..I.... mean us?.

Oliver: Yeah. they all stare at me, all time. I deal with it. I likie eating people. It's gets easier. With all the stomach crunches and press ups that these assholes do, it makes them, really tender.

Alison: Fine then!. So you never told me where <walks into screen room> you get your meat from. Surely, you can't just "buy" it from a shop?..

Oliver: I'm a freind of the cops. <sit down in seat, lights go down>

Alison: A FRIEND OF THE COPS?????. WHAT?????

Oliver: <whispers> yeah sure, when they have too many corpses takin up space in the mortuary they send me a big doggy bag.

Alison: you're lying to me now.

Oliver: no, ssssshhhhhh!.

Alison: I want to know where you get um... "it" form?.

Man: Hey lady shut your fucking bitch mouth!.

Alison: Fuck you asshole!.

Oliver: I'm, starting to salivate. Was he a large man?. Did he have crispy skin?.MMMMMMmmmmmm.

Alison: Weak!, fuck,. Stop talking about it. It's horrible. I really like you but I feel that I just can't make the commitment. I'm scared of not waking up one morning. Or smell myself cooking!.

Oliver: Look, I wanna watch the film god damnit!. Just don't think about it, K?.

Alison: Ok then, but just answer my question then and I'll shut my mouth. So the police know that you're a cannibal then?.

Oliver: Oh yeah. I've told you. They bring it to my freezer in plastic zip-lock freezer bags.

Alison: HOW CAN YOU BE FRIENDS ITH THE POLICE IF UR A FREAKIN' CANNIBAL!??.

Man 2: CANNIBAL??. Who said that?.

Man 3: Where?.

Woman: Freak!!!!

Transvestite:<U.S exaggerated accent> Right owwwwn sister!. fight for us women’s' rights!. We no longer need to stay in the kitchen and bake pie!.

All: What?. shut up!.

Alison: I'll calm down now. I promise.

Oliver: Well everyone knows in here so I'm screwed.

<A deep voice comes from behind their seats>

Alf: Um... I couldn't help over-hearing, but are you a fellow cannibal?.

Oliver: Yes, OK, OK I am a cannibal. Jesus!. What do you want?.

Alf: Well, hold on a minute, but I am fellow lover of flesh from the homo sapien breed. My name's Alf. I'm co-founder of the popular brand name KoRnDogs.

Alison: Hey, really?. i love Corn Dogs!.

Alf: No, KoRn Dogs..... they're made with 100% prime members of KoRN, stupid!.

Oliver: Sweet!, well then hi,. My name's Oli, and this is my girlfriend Ali, say, I'm having a BBQ tomorrow, wanna come?.

Alf: You bet!. I’ll bring the buttocks.

Oliver: Sorted!.

Alison: You're having a BBQ??. since when?.

Oliver: Look, fine young cannibals are hard to find in this town. I need all the friends I can get. Plus, I recognise his face from somewhere. I think he might be famous or something.

Alison: What a load of shit. I’m leaving. I'll a see you tomorrow... I spose.

Oliver: Yeah, OK then...If you have to go then I suppose. will you being the wine?.

Alison: White or red?.

Oliver: Oh, you have to have red wine with meat.

Alison: 'Should have bloody guessed!. <gets up and leaves auditorium>

Oliver: <whispers> ....and Ali, could you pick up some skewers too?.

Alison: <ignores him>.

Alf: Hey buddy, it's me here again, i never got your address.

Oliver: Oh sorry, it's Oliver Sweeny-Todd, Appartment 42B, Longview. It's right next to the Hammersley's Pie Bakers.

Alf: Oh, handy!.

Oliver: Yeah. Look, I'm not really interested in this movie. do you wanna go for a beer?.

Alf: Sure.