3rd Page of Her Diary April 20 2004
We went to The Navy Doctors
To Find Out Why We was'nt getting Pregant
Did All Kinds of tests Found out it wasnt Paul, He is Plenty Normal...
I had a HSG Then Had a Laparoscopy
They said I had too Many Scar Tissues
And Adhesions And I had a 5% Chance to have children
I wanted children so much, It was very hard on Me..
Sometimes in 1989 I got into a huge Debate with My Mother over something don't remeber what it was over
And My life came rushing out to Her
And what I went through
I scream out at Her
I had been abused By My Dad...
I was so very aggravate
It is something I kept Hid My Entire Life
My Husband Knew I told Him
But He never said anything He Helped Me With Dealing with It
It was very Hard being Married Being Sexually Abused By My Dad
My Abuse Was Very Very Bad I was
Sexually, Physically, Verbally, Emotionally Whippings
Told I was always Bad
I was Drove over to His Mother's house in Oakwood
( Suburbs Of Dayton Ohio )
Lots of times, To tell Her how bad I was Or how bad My Grades were
He would sit Me at the dining room table for so many hours it was unreal
Or if I didnt eat my dinner I sit there for ever it seemed
Homework was real bad too
I had real bad grades in school .. I wonder why..
If I wasnt good I'd have to stand in a corner
And Walk in place
Then if I wasnt good at that
I'd have to go outside and cut a switch
Now He was making Me Do Double time in The corner
Raising up my knees real high And running
He would tell Me I'll whip You
Until The blood runs baby
As He was whipping Me On The Bottom Of My Legs, I had the urge to Pee And I did..
I got whipped bad with A Belt Also
Left marks one time I remeber
My Mom said He took Me over to My Grandmothers House and Showed Her My beltmarks
And My Dad always said to Me
His Mother wasnt going to Give Me My Inheritence
If I kept acting Bad
That was held over My Head all My Childhood
Everything it seemed that went wrong
I got blamed for It is because of Julia We didnt do this or go here etc
He was so very Hard on Me
I hated the Disgusting Things He made Me do To Satisfy Him
My entire Childhood
He had Sex With Me
As far back as I can remember
Anything And Everything I wanted to do
I had to have sex with Him or owe Him sex as He would say to Me
I Lived a double Life
And No one knew...
Until I told My Husband
And then My Mommy
That was very very hard to do
But I guess it was God's timing Not Mine...
I will Finish Later
This is very hard to do.. But I am Doing It
16:00 - 4:00 PM April 20 2004
April 20 2004 You Are Visitor #
