February 1969 - Page 19

Late February, 1969

Impossible as I thought it to be, and inexplicable as it is, David is still alive this morning. I don’t know if it is the inherent tenacity of the Collins genes or the inherent stubbornness of the teen years, but I don’t much care. Each day that David hangs on and does not succumb to whatever demands and rigors Quentin Collins’ spirit is subjecting him to and demanding of him is a small victory for all of us. For as long as I have known him, David has been a very resilient child, exposed to events and circumstances many adults could not handle, yet David takes them all in stride, accepting them as part of life – of his childhood – at Collinwood. I can only hope his resiliency and strength continue unabated, for until we know if Barnabas has reached the past and is successful there, I believe it will be David’s survival instinct that will maintain the precarious status quo he is experiencing.

March 1969

After I spoke with Roger and the others concerning David, I made my way to the mausoleum. There was no change in Chris. Tonight will be the third night of the full moon and I am hoping that, come morning, he will again be himself. I returned to the Old House and went down to the cellar. There has been no change in Barnabas either. I examined him as best I could, to get some idea of what may pass for ‘normal’ while he is in this trance state. Not that I will be able to do much of anything to help him. Stokes warns that an abrupt ending of the trance could kill Barnabas. He also assures me that Barnabas is unable to sense what is going on around his physical body. He may be right, but I still felt the need to share the news of Chris and David. Perhaps Barnabas is – somehow, on some level – able to understand what he hears – like a patient in a coma; comprehending but unable to respond. Perhaps it will help him to know David still lives.

My hope of yesterday was realized in regards to Chris Jennings anyway. I went to the mausoleum about two hours after sunrise to find Chris, exhausted but in human form, slumped on the floor of the secret room. I was able to get him back to the cottage, fed and into bed. I expect he will sleep until evening, when I hope he will come to the Old House to see Amy. I have to wonder if this is now to be the pattern of Chris’ experiences and why this change has occurred now and what may have triggered it, for Chris assured me this was the first time he has never changed back with the coming of the dawn. Is this too somehow connected with what Quentin is doing at Collinwood? But if so, how? Once again I will take samples and try to find something that will give me a clue – any hint at all, but I suspect this altered pattern has less to do with the curse itself and more to do with the reasons for and results of the curse. I am not sure what I mean by that. If Quentin Collins’ ghost was indeed responsible for poisoning Chris, could it have been some convoluted way of trying to help? Could the spirit of Quentin believe that the only way to help Chris, to find an end to his curse is by death? There is so much I don’t know, there are so many questions and no answers. I understand Barnabas’ desire to help David, but I am not happy that he has left me here to deal with all the problems by myself, just as I will have to find the answers by myself.

Each day seems to be a mirror of the one before it. I sit with David, assessing his condition, determining there has been no change and reporting that to the ever more belligerent Roger. Today he accused me of doing nothing for David and threatened to take me off the child’s case. I asked him if he would welcome the Child Welfare authorities’ involvement, assuring him that was what would happen if he were to call in another physician. I think that frightened him more than David’s static condition – the possibility of outsiders learning what is happening here on the estate. Roger, the vigilant keeper of the Collins’ privacy and family reputation. At the same time, I also agreed with Roger. I am doing nothing for David – I don’t know what to do and have no resources to consult. There are no medical school courses or texts on how to care for the possessed child… When I finish with David and the family, I go to the cellar to check on Barnabas. He too exhibits no change. In both cases I want to believe that to be a good sign – David is getting no worse and Barnabas is relatively safe – wherever he is. I wish there were some way he could let me know where he is and how his attempts to change the past are progressing, but that may not be possible and all I can do is wait.

In the midst of this insanity that seems to be the norm for Collinwood, we all need some semblance of normalcy in our lives – as normal as things ever get around here – in order to keep us sane, our tempers in check and to keep us out of each others’ hair. I’ve advised Maggie to continue with Amy’s lessons and suggested she and Amy both might like to spend time with David, reading to him. I hope this will allow Amy to feel she is making some contribution to David’s care and keep her from dwelling on Quentin Collins. Each day the ghost’s influence on her seems to be lessening. I dare not assign any significance to that, other than what we observe of her behavior.

Carolyn and Mrs. Stoddard have both expressed a desire to help, in addition to caring for David, so I have asked them to research the life of Quentin Collins. I don’t know what helpful information they may find, if indeed they find anything, but it keeps them busy and productively contributing to our efforts to combat Quentin. Roger wants nothing more than for his son to recover and when he is not at the cannery, he sits with David. No one is asking or expecting any more of him.

Willie and Mrs. Johnson have reached a rather amusing but amicable partnership. She is content to do the housework while leaving the cooking duties to Willie, although she is not above offering her opinions regarding some of Willie’s dishes. His response has been to offer to trade duties with her, but so far Sarah Johnson has declined. I believe Roger is hoping she never accepts Willie’s offer.

Tonight we are faced with another full moon, and I am no closer to helping Chris than I was when we first discovered his secret. The physiological changes he undergoes each month are not reflected in his blood chemistry – at least not that I have been able to detect. I still believe I may be able to learn more if I could get some samples from Chris as he is experiencing the alteration in form, but I dare not try to obtain them without assistance. Barnabas cannot do it now and I will not ask Willie. He has proven he can do whatever is forced upon him, but I will not force him to endanger himself. He is managing to keep everything at the Old House running smoothly and I won’t jeopardize that.

Once again Chris did not revert come sun-up. I hesitate to think this may be the norm for him from now on, and will wait to see what happens next. That seems to be all I can do: wait. Wait to see what happens to Chris, wait for a change in David’s condition, and wait for Barnabas to come out of his trance.

The full moon lasted only two nights this month, and when I went to check Chris after sunrise, he had again reverted to his human form. I found him exhausted and ready to get some sleep. Chris is growing ever more impatient with my lack of progress in helping him, so I shared my theory about obtaining samples as the transformation occurs, and he flatly refused to allow me to try. He is convinced he would kill me when the wolf form takes over and I have no choice but to believe him. He does not know why he spared Sabrina, but does know I would not survive being anywhere near him. In this, Chris is the expert and I the apprentice.

April, 1969

Once again I have had to talk Chris Jennings out of running. Ned Stuart has been hounding him again and I believe, if Chris did not feel so guilty over what happened to Sabrina, and fear what she might say when she decides she is ready to speak, Chris would have long since had it out with Stuart, but instead he accepts whatever Stuart hurls at him, feeling he deserves it. I have had no more success in helping Chris to see he is not responsible for the actions and deeds the curse forces upon him than I did with Barnabas. At least Chris is willing to remain – for now – but I begin to fear that soon my most convincing reason for him to stay – Amy – will lose its effectiveness.

Endless days of no change in David or Barnabas. For David I believe it to be a good sign – he has grown no weaker which I hope means Quentin’s hold on him has grown no stronger. For Barnabas, I don’t know what it means. Has he achieved his goal of contacting the living Quentin Collins in the past and is striving to change events so Quentin’s spirit will not possess the children, or is he confined to his chained coffin, having been returned to what he was?

Two nights of the full moon with a repeat of last month’s circumstances for Chris. He has warned me that sooner or later he will find his way out of the secret room. He may be right, but from what I have heard when I check on him, the animal he becomes is too angry and frustrated at being confined to be able to call on whatever human logic processes it may be able to access to actually figure it out. But I will take no chances, and, like Barnabas, will make certain Chris does not know how to open the door from the inside.

There has been no progress on leaning more about Quentin Collins. Elizabeth and Carolyn have exhausted all the research material available to them here and from the public library. I suspect that whatever books might have been helpful to us have been secreted away somewhere within the walls of Collinwood by the spirit of Quentin Collins. Even if we knew where to look for them, we dare not go near the house. Quentin still prevents anyone from entering the house any further than the front foyer.

May, 1969

With the coming of warmer weather and longer days, we have been making a daily effort to get David out of his bed, out of his room and out of the house. With assistance he is able to walk downstairs and out to the back garden. He does not respond to his surroundings, but the sunshine and fresh air are good for him. As I observe David, I can only presume he does not react to his surrounding because all of his concentration and energy is focused on holding his own, on resisting Quentin, on maintaining his battle for self. David is fighting to maintain who he is, to preserve his own identity and sense of self and not succumb to the demands of another that he release himself and become something – or someone – other than who he is. The child has an amazing inner strength.

Barnabas continues unchanged. There is no change in his expression, his posture, his physical condition. I do not understand how it is possible, but his bodily needs and functions seem to have become dormant. I don’t know how long he will be able to maintain this trance, but Stokes’ research into the I-Ching has revealed cases of individuals in such a state for months and months. No mention was made of their condition when the trance ended or how they were later affected by the prolonged period of… stasis. That worries me. At least seeing Barnabas everyday, being able to touch him although he does not respond, is reassuring – in a small way. Stokes keeps reminding me that only Barnabas’ astral self has made the journey to wherever he is – that he is in no danger so long as his physical body remains safe here in the Old House cellar, but… I can’t be that certain, knowing what I do of Barnabas’ history.

There is still no progress in regards to Chris. But this month he reverted to his normal self come each morning. I am beginning to wonder if perhaps the unscheduled change, then the failure to revert each morning of the full moon might somehow be related to the poison, but I will have no way to ever prove it – one way or the other.

June, 1969

Although David’s condition remains unchanged, each day Amy shows fewer and fewer signs of being possessed. We still do not know who the female spirit is – or was – but I am beginning to suspect it was she who possessed Amy and only because she was being compelled to do so by Quentin Collins. As David’s resistance continues, Quentin has less time and energy to control others and so Amy is gradually being set free. She is still terrified of Quentin and what he is doing to David, and angry with him for what he tried to do to Chris, although she is unable to specifically say what that was, but the behavior that is indicative of possession rarely manifests itself now. Amy is most content when she is with Chris, who is at least willing to spend time with her – now.

As we were having dinner the other night, I glanced around the room and realized that everyone seated at the table, with the exception of Roger, Carolyn, and Mrs. Johnson - is a patient of mine. Amy, Elizabeth and Willie were all released to my care. Maggie, who I was able to hypnotize several weeks ago to re-enforce the memory blocks, was released from Wyndecliffe on the condition I see her as an out patient, and while there has been no urgent need for my skills recently in regards to her, she too is still my patient. I may as well just open up a branch office here at the Old House, for I expect David too will continue as my patient once we end his possession. Referring David to a colleague who specializes in child psychology is not something I am prepared to consider for the simple reason I know David’s possession to be a fact and not the product of a disturbed child’s imagination. I will be able to more quickly and directly help David cope with whatever after effects he may experience rather than spend that time trying to convince him the possession was simply something he made up. 

Sarah Johnson is an enigma. I know she is terrified of the ghost of Quentin Collins and with just cause, yet this morning I saw her at the back door of Collinwood, toting several baskets of wet laundry to her car. When I asked what she was doing she nailed me with that imperious look I swear she learned from a certain witch and told me that she was not going to allow a spoiled brat of a ghost who was having a temper tantrum create more work for her. She declared she was not going to do laundry by hand the way her grandmother had when there was a perfectly good washing machine at Collinwood. I reminded her of the threat Quentin poses and she assured me they had reached a silent understanding. She goes no further into the house than the utility room and Quentin leaves her alone while she is there. I was amazed and could only offer to help load the laundry into her car. She thanked me but declined and I watched her drive back to the Old House, where she hung the laundry to dry on the line she had Willie expand for her. Perhaps we have been using the wrong methods to combat Quentin Collins. Perhaps we need an army of Mrs. Johnsons, all just as stubborn and determined as he is.

Barnabas continues unchanged and Chris again remained in his altered form during the two nights of the full moon this month. I expect Barnabas will be disappointed and perhaps a bit angry that I have not made better progress in regards to Chris, but that cannot be helped. I can not devise a course of treatment when I am unable to discover the cause of the problems.

July, 1969

Willie brought something to my attention today that poses a bit of a dilemma – the outhouse situation. When he and Barnabas were here alone, there was not a problem, but with eight of us using it, the facility is nearing capacity. No one has complained, although with the heat and humidity of summer increasing, the unpleasantness of using the facility is also increasing. Willie said he talked to several locals in-the-know about getting a new one dug and was told the same thing by contractors, plumbers, local and county officials alike – new outhouse constructions are prohibited for year-round dwellings. A county ordinance in compliance with a state law stipulates that indoor plumbing must be installed when outhouse facilities need revamping. Willie consulted a septic tank company as well, but because the outhouse does not meet state codes for septic facilities, they are mandated to pump the refuse, then fill the pit. The state would then take over and monitor the site for a period of ten years to be certain nothing toxic results. Willie seems to have thought of all the options and we both agree the only option may be to comply with state regulations. Roger and Elizabeth are willing to cover the costs of conversion and installation since Barnabas is unavailable to authorize the funds, and ultimately I believe we will have no choice. We can’t be running into the woods every time nature calls because the outhouse is… out of order. None of us wants to authorize changes to the house we know will most likely not meet with Barnabas’ approval, but I believe we are all agreed – the changes must be made. I wonder if this could be part of the changes implied by the 49th I-Ching hexagram?

The condition of and situation with Barnabas, David and Chris Jennings all remain unchanged. David is holding his own, Barnabas is in the I-Ching trance, and Chris again remained transformed during the three nights of the full moon. However, I believe I need to declare a mental health day – or two – for myself. Today I found myself standing in the crafts department of the local Ben Franklin store, studying a booklet that explained the basic stitches of crochet, and contemplating making an afghan or two that would actually coordinate with the decor of the Old House – or anywhere for that matter. When I realized what I was doing, I left as quickly as I could without calling attention to myself. The strain and uncertainty of the past few months is beginning to wear on all of us. No one has openly complained, and all are grateful to Barnabas for providing them a safe haven, but we are all, myself included, wondering how much longer this situation will last. Quentin’s laughter and music still greet and torment any who even try to enter Collinwood. We do not know if Barnabas has been successful in his attempt to contact Quentin and while no one will voice it, we are all thinking this stand-off cannot last. I keep trying to be optimistic, but as each day passes and I have no more answers than I did when it all began, I find my confidence in Barnabas’ desperate attempt waning and I return to doing what Barnabas admonished me not to: worry.

August, 1969

Willie has found a solution to our dilemma concerning waste disposal that will not require alterations to the house. I did not ask him to go into details, but am relieved to have one less thing to worry about. I suspect his solution is to simply dig a new one without telling the authorities about it. I have to admit it was nice to contemplate indoor plumbing, even if Barnabas would not have approved.

I do not know what Barnabas’ efforts wherever he is may be accomplishing, but they are beginning to have a visible effect here. During the past several days, David has become more restless. There has also been a slight deterioration in his condition over the last forty eight hours – enough to remind us that he is closer to death than he is to life. I was reluctant to share this information with Roger for I could not help but feel I would be taking away what little hope he has for David’s recovery, but neither was I comfortable keeping it from him. After his initial reaction of anger, fear and denial, he has settled his mind on what he has known for months but was not ready to accept – that his son will die. I can do nothing more than be a willing listener and help them through the grief process as much as they will allow me. We are a house in mourning for a child who has yet to die. (Episodes 701– 814)

Each day is a waiting game: waiting to see if David is any better – or worse; waiting to see if anything has changed at Collinwood; waiting to see if there has been any change in Barnabas’ condition. Each day is a repeat of the day before, only the date, season and weather changing. But today… today was different. I was in the drawing room, reading yet another text on lycanthropy, when I saw David on the stairs. He was conscious if somewhat delirious, and determined. How he had gotten out of bed and as far as the stairs by himself I do not know, but he was trying to get out of the house, to go to Quentin. As we all have done so many times in the past, I urged him, almost begged him to fight Quentin, to reject him. All that did was to deplete David’s limited strength even further. I had to administer a stimulant to keep David anywhere near consciousness. As I checked him over, assured myself he was no worse off than before, and called for Willie to help me get David back to his room, I had the distinct feeling of being watched. For some odd, inexplicable reason I felt it was Barnabas watching me. As soon as I saw David settled in bed once again, Willie watching over him, I hurried to the cellar. There was no change in Barnabas. I spoke to him, took his hand, caressed his cheek, willed him to respond… but his trance remains strong and undisturbed. Perhaps it was nothing more than my imagination. Much as I dislike my inability to affect the current situation, I accept that waiting is all I can do. (Episode 815)

David has become… quieter again, but able to speak. He claims he is Jamison Collins – his own grandfather. There had been no previous identity associated with his possession and Stokes is uncertain as to exactly what it may mean, other than perhaps a weakening of Quentin’s hold on the child. David still calls out to Quentin, but Roger and Elizabeth both confirm their father was quite fond of his Uncle Quentin. It may not be David calling to the ghost of Quentin, but Jamison calling to his Uncle Quentin. We simply do not know and so continue as we have been – caring for David and trying not to face the bizarre realities of life at Collinwood.

Barnabas’ condition remains unchanged except for the expression on his face. He seems distressed, perhaps near a panic, and in pain. I can find no physical indication of anything that might be causing his pain. Stokes believes it may be a result of something his astral self is experiencing. He may be right, but I will keep a closer eye on Barnabas, just to be sure.

I have seen Chris to the mausoleum and stayed as long as I dared. The pains had begun before I left him confined there. I do not know what I will find when I return in the morning… 

Again Chris remained in his other form when the sun rose. The Farmer’s Almanac indicates there will be one more night when the moon is full this month, so tomorrow morning should see Chris back to his human form. I wish The Farmer’s Almanac had some common sense and back to basics advise and wisdom for the problems I face, but that help must come from other sources – sources which I have not yet been successful in locating. Perhaps I never will, and the changes Barnabas is so certain I will be able to effect will never be, but I will not cease trying. (Suggested by events in Episodes 816 – 828).