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Umptieth
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1. Prologue
2. Vincent Vega & Marsellus Wallace's Wife
3. The Gold Watch
4. Jules, Vincent, Jimmie & The Wolf
5. Epilogue
Jules and Vincent sit at a booth. In front of Vincent is a big stack of pancakes and sausages, which he eats with gusto. Jules, on the other hand, just has a cup of coffee and a muffin. He seems far away in thought. The Waitress pours a refill for both men.
Vincent: Thanks a bunch. (to Jules, who's nursing his coffee) Want a sausage?
Jules: Naw, I don't eat pork.
Vincent: Are you Jewish?
Jules: I ain't Jewish man, I just don't dig on swine.
Vincent: Why not?
Jules: They're filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent: Sausages taste good. Pork chops taste good.
Jules: A sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie. I'll never know 'cause even if it did, I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I don't wanna eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense to disregard its own feces.
Vincent: How about dogs? Dogs eat their own feces.
Jules: I don't eat dog either.
Vincent: Yes, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy, but they're definitely dirty. But a dog's got personality. And personality goes a long way.
Vincent: So by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he's cease to be a filthy animal?
Jules: We'd have to be talkin' 'bout one motherfuckin' charmin' pig. It'd have to be the Cary Grant of pigs.
The two men laugh.
Vincent: Good for you. Lighten up a little. You been sittin' there all quiet.
Jules: I just been sittin' here thinkin'.
Vincent: (mouthful of food) About what?
Jules: The miracle we witnessed.
Vincent: The miracle you witnessed. I witnessed a freak occurrence.
Jules: Do you know that a miracle is?
Vincent: An act of God.
Jules: What's an act of God?
Vincent: I guess it's when God makes the impossible possible. And I'm sorry Jules, but I don't think what happened this morning qualifies.
Jules: Don't you see, Vince, that shit don't matter. You're judging this thing the wrong way. It's not about what. It could be God stopped the bullets, he changed Coke into Pepsi, he found my fuckin' car keys. You don't judge shit like this based on merit. Whether or not what we experienced was an according-to-Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is I felt God's touch, God got involved.
Vincent: But why?
Jules: That's what's fuckin' wit' me! I don't know why. But I can't go back to sleep.
Vincent: So you're serious, you're really gonna quit?
Jules: The life, most definitely.
Vincent takes a bite of food. Jules takes a sip of coffee In the b.g., we see a Patron call the Waitress.
Patron: Garcon! Coffee!
We recognize the patron to be Pumpkin from the first scene of Pumpkin and Honey Bunny.
Vincent: So if you're quitting the life, what'll you do?
Jules: That's what I've been sitting here contemplating. First, I'm gonna deliver this case to Marsellus. Then, basically, I'm gonna walk the earth.
Vincent: What do you mean, walk the earth?
Jules: You know, like Caine in "Kung Fu." Just walk from town to town, meet people, get in adventures.
Vincent: How long do you intend to walk the earth?
Jules: Until God puts me where he want me to be.
Vincent: What if he never does?
Jules: If it takes forever, I'll wait forever.
Vincent: So you decided to be a bum?
Jules: I'll just be Jules, Vincent -- no more, no less.
Vincent: No Jules, you're gonna be like those pieces of shit out there who beg for change. They walk around like a bunch of fuckin' zombies, they sleep in garbage bins, they eat what I throw away, and dogs piss on 'em. They got a word for 'em, they're called bums. And without a job, residence, or legal tender, that's what you're gonna be -- a fuckin' bum!
Jules: Look my friend, this is just where me and you differ --
Vincent: -- what happened was peculiar -- no doubt about it -- but it wasn't water into wine.
Jules: All shapes and sizes, Vince.
Vincent: Stop fuckin' talkin' like that!
Jules: If you find my answers frightening, Vincent, you should cease askin' scary questions.
Vincent: When did you make this decision -- while you were sitting there eatin' your muffin?
Jules: Yeah. I was just sitting here drinking my coffee, eating my muffin, playin' the incident in my head, when I had what alcoholics refer to as a "moment of clarity."
Vincent: I gotta take a shit. To be continued.
Vincent exits for the restroom.
Jules, alone, takes a mouthful of muffin, then...Pumpkin and
Honey Bunny rise with guns raised.
Pumpkin: Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!
Honey Bunny: Any of you fuckin' pricks move and I'll execute every one of you motherfuckers! Got that?!
Jules looks up, not believing what he's seeing. Under the table, Jules' hand goes to his .45 Automatic. He pulls it out, cocking it.
Pumpkin: Customers stay seated, waitresses on the floor.
Honey Bunny: Now mean fuckin' now! Do it or die, do it or fucking die!
Like lightning, Pumpkin moves over to the kitchen. While Honey Bunny screams out threats to the Patrons, keeping them terrified.
Pumpkin: You Mexicans in the kitchen, get out here! Asta luego!
Three Cooks and two Busboys come out of the kitchen.
Pumpkin: On the floor or I'll cook you ass, comprende?
They comprende. The portly Manager speaks up.
Manager: I'm the manager here, there's no problem, no problem at all --
Pumpkin head his way.
Pumpkin: You're gonna give me a problem?
He reaches him and sticks the barrel of his gun hard in the Manager's neck.
Pumpkin: What? You said you're gonna give me a problem?
Manager: No, I'm not. I'm not gonna give you any problem!
Pumpkin: I don't know, Honey Bunny. He looks like the hero type to me!
Honey Bunny: Don't take any chances. Execute him!
The Patrons scream. Jules watches all this silently, his hand tightly gripping the .45 Automatic under the table.
Manager: Please don't! I'm not a hero. I'm just a coffee shop manager. Take anything you want.
Pumpkin: Tell everyone to cooperate and it'll be all over.
Manager: Everybody just be calm and cooperate with them and this will be all over soon!
Pumpkin: Well done, now git your fuckin' ass on the ground.
Vincent, on the toilet, oblivious to the pandemonium outside, reads his "Modesty Blaise" book.
Cash register drawer opens. Pumpkin stuffs the money from the till in his pocket. Then walks from behind the counter with a trash bag in his hand.
Pumpkin: Okay people, I'm going to go 'round and collect your wallets. Don't talk, just toss 'em in the bag. We clear?
Pumpkin goes around collecting wallets. Jules sits with his
.45 ready to spit under the table.
Pumpkin sees Jules sitting in his booth, holding his wallet,
briefcase next to him. Pumpkin crosses to him, his tone more
respectful, him manner more on guard.
Pumpkin: In the bag.
Jules drops his wallet in the bag. Using his gun as a pointer, Pumpkin points to the briefcase.
Pumpkin: What's in that?
Jules: My boss' dirty laundry.
Pumpkin: You boss makes you do his laundry?
Jules: When he wants it clean.
Pumpkin: Sounds like a shit job.
Jules: Funny, I've been thinkin' the same thing.
Pumpkin: Open it up.
Jules' free hand lays palm flat on the briefcase.
Jules: 'Fraid I can't do that.
Pumpkin is definitely surprised by his answer. He aims the gun right in the middle of Jules' face and pulls back the hammer.
Pumpkin: I didn't hear you.
Jules: Yes, you did.
This exchange has been kind of quiet, not everybody heard it, but Honey Bunny senses something's wrong.
Honey Bunny: What's goin' on?
Pumpkin: Looks like we got a vigilante in our midst.
Honey Bunny: Shoot 'em in the face!
Jules: I don't mean to shatter your ego, but this ain't the first time I've had gun pointed at me.
Pumpkin: You don't open up that case, it's gonna be the last.
Manager: (on the ground) Quit causing problems, you'll get us all killed! Give 'em what you got and get 'em out of here.
Jules: Keep your fuckin' mouth closed, fat man, this ain't any of your goddamn business!
Pumpkin: I'm countin' to three, and if your hand ain't off that case, I'm gonna unload right in your fuckin' face. Clear? One...
Jules closes his eyes.
Pumpkin: ...two...
Jules shoots Pumpkin twice, up through the table, sending him
to the floor. While still in the booth, he swings around to
Honey Bunny, who has aimed at Jules, but slowed down by the
shock of Pumpkin getting shot. He fires three times.
Honey Bunny takes all three hits in the chest. As she falls
screaming, she fires wildly, hitting a Surfer Patron.
Surfer: She shot me! I'm dying! Sally! Sally!
Jules now brings the gun down to Pumpkin's face. Pumpkin lies shot on the floor at Jules' feet. Pumpkin looks up at the big gun.
Jules: Wrong guy, Ringo.
Jules fires straight at the camera, blinding up with his
flash.
Jules' eyes, still closed, suddenly open.
Pumpkin still stands, holding the gun on him.
Pumpkin: ...three.
Jules: You win.
Jules raises his hand off the briefcase.
Jules: It's all yours, Ringo.
Pumpkin: Open it.
Jules flips the locks and opens the case, revealing it to Pumpkin but not to us. The same light shines from the case. Pumpkin's expression goes to amazement. Honey Bunny, across the room, can't see shit.
Honey Bunny: What is it? What is it?
Pumpkin: (softly) Is that what I think it is?
Jules nods his head: "yes."
Pumpkin: It's beautiful.
Jules nods his head: "yes."
Honey Bunny: Goddammit, what is it?
Jules slams the case closed, then sits back, as if offering
the case to Pumpkin. Pumpkin, one big smile, bends over to
pick up the case.
Like a rattlesnake, Jules' free hand grabs the wrist of
Pumpkin's gun hand, slamming it on the table. His other hand
comes from under the table and sticks the barrel of his .45
hand under Pumpkin's chin.
Honey Bunny freaks out, waving his gun in Jules' direction.
Honey Bunny: Let him go! Let him go! I'll blow your fuckin' head off! I'll kill ya! I'll kill ya! You're gonna die, you're gonna fuckin' die bad!
Jules: (to Pumpkin) Tell that bitch to be cool! Say, bitch be cool! Say, bitch be cool!
Pumpkin: Chill out, honey!
Honey Bunny: Let him go!
Jules: (softly) Tell her it's gonna be okay.
Pumpkin: I'm gonna be okay.
Jules: Promise her.
Pumpkin: I promise.
Jules: Tell her to chill.
Pumpkin: Just chill out.
Jules: What's her name?
Pumpkin: Yolanda.
Whenever Jules talks to Yolanda, he never looks at her, only at Pumpkin.
Jules: (to Yolanda) So, we cool Yolanda? We ain't gonna do anything stupid, are we?
Yolanda: (crying) Don't you hurt him.
Jules: Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're gonna be like three Fonzies. And what' Fonzie like?
No answer.
Jules: C'mon Yolanda, what's Fonzie like?
Yolanda: (through tears, unsure) He's cool?
Jules: Correct-amundo! And that's what we're gonna be, we're gonna be cool. (to Pumpkin) Now Ringo, I'm gonna count to three and I want you to let go your gun and lay your palms flat on the table. But when you do it, do it cool. Ready?
Pumpkin looks at him.
Jules: One...two...three.
Pumpkin lets go of his gun and places both hands on the table. Yolanda can't stand it anymore.
Yolanda: Okay, now let him go!
Jules: Yolanda, I thought you were gonna be cool. When you yell at me, it makes me nervous. When I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers get accidentally shot.
Yolanda: (more conversational) Just know: you hurt him, you die.
Jules: That seems to be the situation. Now I don't want that and you don't want that and Ringo here don't want that. So let's see what we can do. (to Ringo) Now this is the situation. Normally both of your asses would be dead as fuckin' fried chicken. But you happened to pull this shit while I'm in a transitional period. I don't wanna kill ya, I want to help ya. But I'm afraid I can't give you the case. It don't belong to me. Besides, I went through too much shit this morning on account of this case to just hand it over to your ass.
Vincent (os): What the fuck's goin' on here?
Yolanda whips her gun toward the stranger.
Vincent, by the bathroom, has his gun out, dead-aimed at
Yolanda.
Jules: It's cool, Vincent! It's cool! Don't do a goddamn thing. Yolanda, it's cool baby, nothin's changed. We're still just talkin', (to Pumpkin) Tell her we're still cool.
Pumpkin: It's cool, Honey Bunny, we're still cool.
Vincent: (gun raised) What the hell's goin' on, Jules?
Jules: Nothin' I can't handle. I want you to just hang back and don't do shit unless it's absolutely necessary.
Vincent: Check.
Jules: Yolanda, how we doin, baby?
Yolanda: I gotta go pee! I want to go home.
Jules: Just hang in there, baby, you're doing' great, Ringo's proud of you and so am I. It's almost over, (to Pumpkin) Now I want you to go in that bag and find my wallet.
Pumpkin: Which one is it?
Jules: It's the one that says Bad Motherfucker on it.
Pumpkin looks in the bag and -- sure enough -- there's a wallet with "Bad Motherfucker" embroidered on it.
Jules: That's my bad motherfucker. Now open it up and take out the cash. How much is there?
Pumpkin: About fifteen hundred dollars.
Jules: Put it in your pocket, it's yours. Now with the rest of them wallets and the register, that makes this a pretty successful little score.
Vincent: Jules, if you give this nimrod fifteen hundred buck, I'm gonna shoot 'em on general principle.
Jules: You ain't gonna do a goddamn thing, now hang back and shut the fuck up. Besides, I ain't givin' it to him. I'm buyin' somethin' for my money. Wanna know what I'm buyin' Ringo?
Pumpkin: What?
Jules: Your life. I'm givin' you that money so I don't hafta kill your ass. You read the Bible?
Pumpkin: Not regularly.
Jules: There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker 'fore you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin', it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or is could by you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.
Jules lowers his gun, lying it on the table.
Pumpkin looks at him, to the money in his hand, then to
Yolanda. She looks back.
Grabbing the trash bag full of wallets, the two RUN out the
door.
Jules, who was never risen from his seat the whole time, takes
a sip of coffee.
Jules: (to himself) It's cold.
He pushes it aside.
Vincent appears next to Jules.
Vincent: I think we oughta leave now.
Jules: That's probably a good idea.
Vincent throws some money on the table and Jules grabs the
briefcase.
Then, to the amazement of the Patrons, the Waitresses, the
Cooks, the Bus Boys, and the Manager, these two bad-ass dudes
-- wearing UC Santa Cruz and "I'm with Stupid" tee-shirts,
swim trunks, thongs and packing .45 Automatics -- walk out of
the coffee shop together without saying a word.
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The Umptieth Site |
The Script.
1. Prologue |