| Chapters 10-12 |
| CHAPTER 10 Lance sat on the floor of the beautifully decorated hotel bathroom, a razor in his right hand. He was seriously considering suicide. Joey�s words rang over and over in his head. �Get out, I don�t want to look at you right now.� And the rest of the guys probably hated him too. Except maybe Chris. But Chris may have been chosen to be the peacemaker and maybe he was just acting like he wasn�t mad. Lance hated himself for messing everything up like he had. He�d spent the last twenty-four hours in his hotel room sulking. He was sick of the horrible feeling in his stomach, the feeling of regret and guilt. Lance wished he could turn the clock back a few days and stop himself from yelling at Joey. Then maybe he could�ve told Joey that he was gay too and they would be together now as a couple. But he couldn�t take back what he�d done, no matter how much he wanted to. He would have to live with it. �Or do I?� he thought to himself, �I could end it all right now. I might as well since everyone hates me.� Lance slowly brought the razor to his wrist. �Get out,� Lance winced, remembering Joey�s painful words, �I don�t want to look at you right now.� He slowly pressed the razor into his skin and dragger it along his wrist. He lifted the razor and repeated the action many times, ignoring the pain shooting up his arm. Then he switched hands and started on the other wrist. He could feel the blood dripping down his arm. He was starting to feel a little faint and soon everything went black. The last image he saw was a picture of Joey�s smiling face, the face of the man he loved so much. ***** JC and Chris left Chris� hotel room and went to go find Joey. They knocked on Joey�s door and when the door opened they were surprised to see just there. �Hey boy! What�s goin� on?� he asked them. �What are you doing up so early?� Chris teased and when Justin just shook his head, Chris continued, �We were actually looking for Joey, and we were going to come find you next.� �We are having a group meeting tonight to talk about everything that�s going on,� JC explained further. �Ok,� Justin said, �Joey! Come out here! We�re having a group meeting!� A few minutes later Joey came out looking really sad and obviously trying to hide it. �Hey guys. Sorry, I was in the bathroom. So we�re having a group meeting now?� Joey asked. �Yeah, we just have to go get Lance,� JC answered slowly, trying not to hurt Joey anymore. �Ok,� Joey agreed, even though he wanted to go no where near Lance. They all walked together towards Lance�s room. They knocked on the door and waited patiently for an answer. When they were still waiting a few minutes later, they began to worry. They got a bodyguard and asked him if he�d seen Lance leave and when the bodyguard answered negatively; they really started to worry about him. They had the bodyguard open Lance�s door and then they rushed inside. Justin went into the kitchen and living room area, JC and Chris went into the bedroom, and Joey headed towards the bathroom. Justin a few moments later Chris, JC, and Justin rushed to the bathroom after hearing Joey�s scream. CHAPTER 11 JC was the first to recover from the shock of seeing Lance�s seemingly lifeless body on the floors, blood running from the cuts in his wrists. He ran out of the room, pushing a frozen Joey out of the way. He picked up the phone, dialed 911, and told the dispatcher what had happened. He returned to the bathroom with towels to wrap around Lance�s wrists to stop the bleeding. Justin was now crumpled on the floor sobbing silently, his shoulders shaking violently. Chris was trying to comfort him, but obviously he couldn�t do too much. Joey was still in the same spot, frozen. He hadn�t moved since he�d seen Lance. Once JC had fixed the towels on Lance�s wrist, he moved over to Joey, pulling him into a tight hug. Joey remained stiff in his arms for a few moments before he let his tears fall. JC�s shirt was soon soaked, but he didn�t care. Soon the ambulance arrived, and they loaded Lance in quickly. The guys decided to ride to the hospital together in a limo. They all stayed very silent, except for an occasional cry or hiccup from either Justin or Joey. JC and Chris were also very upset, but they tried their hardest to remain strong for Justin and Joey�s sake. When they arrived at the hospital, they all rushed out of the limo and waited while their bodyguard talked to a nurse. ***** Lance felt like he was drowning in darkness. He couldn�t see anything and he couldn�t talk either. He tired to pick up an arm but put it right back down again when pain shot all the way up it. �Where am I,� he thought to himself. He continued to ponder what happened, but still couldn�t figure it out. He heard the door open and someone stand over him. It was a woman, and she was crying. Lance attempted to open his eyes, got them halfway open, and then shut them when he felt the bright light burning into them. He heard the woman gasp and then she spoke, �Lance, honey, it�s mom. Can you hear me?� Lance tried to speak, but he couldn�t because his throat was too dry. He nodded slowly to answer his mother�s question. �Oh Lance, I was so worried! I don�t know what I would�ve done if something had happened to you!� she exclaimed. She stayed and talked to him for a few more minutes before excusing herself, saying there was a line of people waiting to see him. ***** *Nsync, minus Lance, were sitting in the private waiting room. Joey and Justin had finally calmed down enough to stop crying and they were sitting silently. JC and Chris were doing the same. They all jumped a mile when the door opened and Lance�s mom, Diane, entered. �How is he?� Chris asked. �He is doing well. At least that�s what the doctors are saying. He doesn�t look too good though,� Diane said, beginning to cry. Chris stood up and hugged her. JC looked over at Justin and Joey, who were both staring into space. �Who�s going next?� he asked them. �Justin can go,� Joey said. �Thanks Joe,� Justin replied, grateful that he�d get to see Lance next. ***** Lance heard the door open again about ten minutes later. Although it may have been more or less, he had no idea what time it was. He heard a few sniffles and then felt a presence sitting beside him. Lance lay, patiently waiting for the mystery person beside him to speak. But instead of speaking, the person began to sob. �My God, it�s Justin,� Lance thought, �What have I done?� Lance slowly tried to open his eyes, and after a few tries, he was finally able to make out his surroundings. He turned his head slowly to look over at Justin who�s sobs were slowly subsiding. Lane tried to speak, but it came out as a low moan. Justin looked up at the sound; his face still streaked with tears. �You�re awake?� Justin asked. �Yeah,� Lance said, wincing at the scratchiness in his throat. Justin stood up, walked into the bathroom, and returned with a cup of water. He helped Lance take a sip. �Thanks,� Lance said carefully. His throat was already feeling better. �No problem,� Justin replied. �Hey Just?� Lance asked shyly. �Yeah?� Justin said, wondering what Lance was going to tell him. �I�m sorry,� Lance apologized, looking away. �Maybe we should talk about everything later, ok? There�s just one thing I don�t understand. Do you really hate your life that much?� Justin asked sadly. �No, Justin. I just screwed everything up. I made a stupid decision. Actually, I�ve made many, many stupid decisions in these past few days,� Lance tried to explain. �Ok,� Justin replied, �Can I tell you something. I need to get this off my back.� �Sure, you can tell me anything, Justin,� Lance assured him. �I am�. well, you see�. I don�t know how�. ugh,� Justin stuttered, �I�m bisexual Lance.� �You are?� Lance asked, truly surprised. �I know you probably think I�m a fag, but before you say anything, there�s more,� Justin said in a rush. When Lance didn�t say anything, Justin continued, �I love you.� �I love you too, Justin,� Lance replied almost automatically. �No, Lance, I�m in love with you,� Justin corrected him. Lance jaw dropped. CHAPTER 12 Joey was getting restless just sitting in a rock hard chair waiting. He had a lot on his mind. He really wanted to go see Lance. He was afraid, but he knew he needed to tell Lance that he forgave him. Joey also couldn�t stop thinking about Justin. He wanted Justin so badly, but Justin liked Lance. But he put that aside so he could focus on talking to Lance. He was tired of waiting se he got up and told them he was going in to see Lance. ***** Lance was in shock. Not only did Justin like men, but Justin loved him. �Oh God,� he thought, �but I love Joey. What am I going to do?� �Lance?� Justin spoke shyly, �I�m going to leave now, and send someone else in. I�m sorry if you hate me now, but I can�t help the way I feel.� �Ok, but one thing before you leave,� Lance started. He saw Justin tense up and hurried to continue, �I would never hate you because of that Justin, I don�t hate Joey either. The only person I hate right now is me. I�ve messed up everything,� Lance finished, sighing. �Lance?� Justin asked, and Lance looked up, �I�m sure we can fix everything once you get out of the hospital. Justin smiled at Lance before leaving the room. He bumped into Joey on the way to the waiting room. ***** Joey walked slowly to Lance�s room. He wasn�t sure exactly what he was going to say yet, so he was putting it off as long as possible. When he got to the door to Lance�s room, he paused, taking a deep breath and mentally preparing himself. He slowly opened the door and walked into the small room. He sat down next to Lance and decided to wait because it looked like Lance was asleep. But he didn�t have to wait very long. Lance stretched his tired body out as much as possible without hurting his wrists. He froze when he realized someone was watching him. His heart sped up when he saw that it was Joey. �Hey,� Joey said with a soft smile, �How are you feeling?� �I�ve been better,� Lance replied causing Joey to utter a small laugh. �I forgive you Lance. I can�t say I understand why you said those things, but I do forgive you,� Joey told Lance. Lance felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. �He doesn�t hate me,� Lance thought happily. �I have something I need to tell you Joey,� Lance said, �this one is huge.� �Ok,� Joey replied, a little worried about what Lance would say next. �I think I�m in love with you,� Lance confessed, surprised at how easily it had come out of his mouth. ***** Justin walked down the hallway trying to sort out his thoughts. He just told Lance he loved him. He felt so much better, but he was also scared. He wasn�t sure if Lance would bring up the subject again or not. He wanted so badly for Lance to like him back, but he knew that wouldn�t happen. Justin�s mind then drifted to Joey. �He loves me,� Justin thought, �Wow.� The more Justin thought about it, the more curious he became. �What would Joey be like as a boyfriend?� he wondered. ***** �You what?� Joey yelled a little loudly when Lance told him. �You heard me Joey,� was Lance�s reply. �I can�t believe this. Why the hell would you say the shit you did if you love me? I don�t get it,� Joey said. He was now thoroughly confused. �I honestly don�t know Joey. I acted without thinking and I hate myself for it. I was trying to protect myself from being hurt and it was totally selfish. It hurts more than anything knowing how much I hurt you, Joey,� Lance breathed out, �you�re one of my best friends and if anything, I hope we can stay good friends.� �Of course Lance, I did forgive you, remember? You�re one of my best friends too, and I don�t know what I would�ve done if you had� well you know�� Joey confessed, not able to finish. �Died?� Lance said, helping Joey finish his sentence Joey flinched. �Yeah,� Joey answered. **THE NEXT DAY** Lance was being let out of the hospital after staying the night for security reasons. *Nsync didn�t want their fans to know what had happened. They didn�t want the media to find out, and blow everything out of proportion like they usually do with celebrities. Joey, JC, Lance, Justin, and Chris had decided to cancel a few tour dates to let Lance�s wrists have a while to heal. They also decided to have the group meeting they were planning before Lance�s incident that night. Joey was very nervous because he knew he had to tell the rest of the guys that he loved Justin. And he�d also have to figure out what to do about Lance. �Shit,� he thought, �Justin loves Lance.� Justin was also very nervous. He didn�t even know that Lance was gay, so he was wondering what Lance would have to say. His heart was also still hurting from the fact that Lance tried to kill himself. He wasn�t sure what to think. �Well, everything will be out in the open after tonight. Maybe we can fix this,� he thought aloud. Lance was the third member of *Nsync who was very nervous about this meeting. He not only had to tell the guys why he slit his wrists, but that he was gay and that he was in love with Joey. �This is going to be a disaster,� he thought. |