| You Learn |
| You wake up to the feeling that you�re suffocating. Your lungs aren't taking in enough oxygen, and your face is smashed into something. Your body tenses as your eyes flutter open and you see darkness. Taking a deep breath, you feel your moist breath hit you back in the face when you exhale. Flailing your arms around, it takes a moment for the sleep to leave your brain as you focus on your surroundings. You sigh with relief when you realize what the problem is, and you pull the pillow off your face as you take a deep breath. Sitting up in bed and yawning, you fold your feet underneath you and run a thin hand through your long brown locks. A few stray hairs fall in your face, but you don't mind. The sunlight has all ready brightened the bedroom in your tiny little apartment, and you can hear the people down in the streets heading off to work. Smiling, you wonder how this could possibly turn into a bad day. Turning to glance at the alarm clock next to your bed, you spot a framed picture you must have forgotten to take down last night. As your face falls into a frown, you sigh and think that *this* was certainly one giant step towards having a bad day. Memories bombard you despite your protest, and you can't help but pick up the picture and take a good look at it. It's not an actual picture, but a framed roll of four pictures taken in a photo booth at the state carnival last year. You smile, because Justin was beautiful. He still is in fact, and you can't deny him that, even though you're no longer together. Looking at the picture, you can see how happy you were. You're grinning like a maniac in the first three photos, and you remember that Justin wouldn't take them if you didn't promise to give a real smile; including your teeth. You've always been a little self-conscious about your smile, especially the slight gap between your two front teeth. Justin never cared though. He seemed to love you no matter what. Sighing, you immediately remember that it's not you he loves anymore. You've grown apart, he says. He's moved on, and found someone else to love. You can feel your heart breaking all over again, and it sucks. Sighing, you set the picture face down and head for the bathroom. 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' you think. After staring at yourself in the mirror for a few seconds, you smile slightly, showing off your teeth. 'I can do this,' you think with a sigh. It's time to move on after all. Justin has been your life for the past four years, and now it's time to rediscover yourself. After you brush your teeth, you take a quick shower. You usually take at least half an hour in the shower, but now it doesn't seem worth it anymore. This time, you shampoo your hair, give your body a quick scrub with a washcloth and soap, rinse, and turn off the water. Grabbing two towels, you dry off your body with one and wrap it around your slim waist. With the other, you dry your hair. You look at yourself in the mirror again, and suddenly a grin breaks out onto your face. Tossing the towel you used to dry your hair on the floor, you jog out to the living room, if you can really call it that. It's a small room with a TV, a chair, and a small sofa, but the view is gorgeous so you like it. Closing the shades, you open the kitchen window to let some light in without other people being able to look in and see you. With a deep breath and a giggle, you let the towel tied around your waist pool at your feet. You can feel your body start blush. The only other time you've ever been this naked and not with Justin was when you were born. Still, you've always wanted to try it, and what better time than the present? Walking carefully into the kitchen, you start making your coffee. You have to check the open window every five seconds, because even though you know nobody can see you, you're still paranoid. Shaking your head, you laugh as you head back to the bedroom. Grabbing your robe, you put it on and tie it tightly. Smiling and nodding, you head back to the kitchen. That was fun for a little while, but you don't think you'll being walking around naked too often. When your coffee's done, you pour yourself a cup and think about what to do the rest of the day. You've never had this much free time since you started dating Justin, and it's as much exciting as it is scary. You want to go to the park and sit around, maybe write some new lyrics, but you know how anxious you get around a bunch of strangers. You'll have to take the subway since it's New York, and you shiver as you think of all the different kinds of diseases you could possibly get. Sighing, you sip your coffee and think that all ready your life hasn't changed at all. Narrowing your eyes, you decide that you don't want things to stay the same. It's time to start over you remind yourself, and you leave your coffee to go get dressed. You throw on a pair of faded jeans that hug your hips perfectly, and a black shirt that rises to show a bit of stomach whenever you raise your arms. You slip on your favorite pair of sandals and grab your car keys and notebook. Stopping in the kitchen one last time, you grab a little orange bottle from beside the microwave. It says 'PAXIL' in printed letters on the front, and you swallow two jagged, little white pills with a glass of water. Smiling and thinking that you feel better all ready, you grab your baseball cap and Walkman and are out the front door in seconds. ~*~ You nearly hyperventilated three times on the ride to the park, but you made it through thanks to your music. Really, you don't know what you would do without your Alanis Morissette CD. As you approach Central Park on foot, you inhale the sweet summer air and wonder why you never did this before. It's a beautiful day, the sky is cloudless and the sun is shining brightly. It's the perfect day to catch up on your song writing. You've been slacking off since the whole Justin thing, and you wonder why since it's what you love. Sitting down on a bench and smiling at an old couple that walks by, you put your headphones back on and open your notebook to the first blank page. An hour later, you've written some pretty good lyrics and now you're getting hungry. Glancing around, you spot a hot-dog vender down the sidewalk. Digging through your pockets, you grab a few dollars and jog over there. You buy a jumbo frank and put extra mustard on it. Taking a big bite, it occurs to you that you've never had a hotdog this good since you and Justin got together. He's prefers caviar to hot-dogs, limos to subways, and clubs to parks. You inhale your hot-dog as you reminisce, and meekly order another one. As you stuff your face, you turn to watch some little kid fly his kite with his father. Distracted, you don't notice the Frisbee flying your way until it knocks you in the back of the head. Rubbing your sore spot, you turn around in time to see two guys running towards you. One has a beard with the ends turned into little devil horns, and the other has dyed red hair. "Sorry man!" yells the red head. "Can you toss it back?" Picking up the Frisbee, you give it a sharp toss, snapping your wrist slightly, and watch it go straight over their heads and into the arms of another guy they're playing with. They both turn to you with wide eyes and huge grins. "Dude, that was awesome!" said the shorter man with the devil horns. You shrug because you've never played before. "Do you want to play a game with us? You can be on my team!" You blush, and shake your head, but before you can open your mouth the other guy has all ready gotten to you and thrown an arm around your shoulders. "Come on man," he grins, "we won't take no for an answer. We don't bite, I promise." You actually consider it. Thinking back to your break up with Justin and your newfound freedom, you think, 'What would Alanis Morissette do?' Smiling at the man, you nod. "Okay. I'll play." ~*~ You laugh and wave to Joey and Chris, thanking them for the ride home and promising you'll call them tomorrow to do something. As you root around in your pockets for your keys, something triggers your senses and you sniff the air. You smell smoke, and you rush to open your apartment door. When it opens, you cough as black smoke invades your air way and burns yours eye. Looking around for the phone, you see it and grab it, dialing 911. You spot a few flames in the kitchen, and sigh. You tell them there's a fire in your apartment, and you give them your address and floor number, as well as some other needed information. As you hang up, your eyes widen as you remember Herman. Covering your mouth with your hand and thanking the lord above that the fire hadn't gotten to the bedroom yet, you dash into your bedroom. Spotting the fish bowl by the window and Herman, your angel fish, swimming around unharmed, you grab the bowl and sprint for the door. You come out a few minutes before the fire trucks arrive. You're face is ashen and slightly black, but you're not hurt. As firefighters rush past you and into your apartment, you watch and sigh, hoping that you won't lose everything. "Excuse me." The soft but very masculine voice draws you out of your thoughts, and you turn around, nearly dropping Herman as you come face to face with a very gorgeous young man. His bright green eyes gleam as he smiles at you, and you can't help but smile back at him; teeth and all. He takes off his hard hat, and you see a mass of golden spikes that make him look like an angel. You notice his uniform, and think that a small fire is definitely worth getting firemen like him. "Are you okay?" he asks. "Were you caught in the fire?" "No," you say, "I was just there for a minute. I'm fine." Still, he insists on wrapping a blanket around your shoulders and leading you outside so the fire can be taken care of. He even volunteers to carry Herman down the stairs for you, and you think he has to be married or something, because this is too good to be true. "I'm Lance, by the way," he says once your outside, and he gives you a sincere smile. "I'm Josh," you say, shaking his hand. He chuckles, and you smile, because he looks a little nervous. "Um, I hope this isn't out of line or anything," he says. "If I am, please stop me but ... would you maybe like to go have coffee with me sometime?" He bites his lip and you have the urge to touch them; to see if they're as soft as they look. Realizing you haven't answered him yet, you give him a shy grin and nod. "Sure," you say, trying not to let your voice waver, "I'd love to." He grins at you, and you love the way his whole face brightens. "Okay," he says. "Um, what time is good for you?" You shrug. "How about now? Looks like I won't being going back to my apartment for a little while." He nods at you and smiles again. "Okay, sounds good. I'm off now anyway. Be right back." You watch him jog off to let another fireman know he's leaving. When he waves to the guy and walks back, grinning at you, you feel butterflies you thought were long dead begin to do cartwheels in your stomach. He puts a hand on your lower back as you walk off, and you think you might just faint. He carries Herman again, and you make him laugh by saying that you'll need to find a restaurant that allows fish in, and not as a meal. He winks at you and says he knows the perfect place. You learn more about Lance in the ten minutes it took you both to walk to the nearest coffee shop than you ever knew about Justin in the first month you dated. You realize that he's everything you've ever wanted when he offers to let you sleep in his bed and he'll take the couch for the night in *his* home since you couldn't go back to yours yet. Smiling, you agree, but only if you get the couch. He laughs and agrees. As the two of you and Herman walk back to his place, you decide to take a step and grab his hand. When he smiles at you and squeezes your hand, you realize that you have a lot to learn about life and love. Still, you wouldn't miss it for the world. THE END Song used: �You Learn� by Alanis Morissette |
| written by Robin |