| You Always Know |
| God, Josh, I love you so damn much. I love you for the way you love me. The wonderful ways, many that you aren�t even aware of, that show me how much you care. **** The other day, Monday I think it was, we were warming up before a show, and I was having a horrible time. For some reason, I couldn�t get anything right. I was tripping over my own feet, bumping into the other guys, and getting really frustrated. Wade finally got annoyed with me enough to give us a break, but for the first five minutes of it, he cussed me out. By the time you got to me, I was almost in tears. Nothing was going right. You led me over to the mirror once everyone else had left the room, turned the music on without a word, and stood close behind me, our bodies touching, as we went through the steps. You guided me where I was making my mistakes, and smiled largely when we were done, pulling me into your arms. The way you just took me over and helped me, knowing I needed to get it right once to feel better about myself, made me love you more. The way you smiled at me when I had finished, when I had done it right, made my heart swell. The way your arms felt around me made sweet, happy tears come to my eyes. You always know how to remind me that you love me. **** After the tour ended and Thanksgiving came along, we all went to our separate homes, and I wondered how I would live without you, even if it was only for a week. We couldn�t spend Thanksgiving together without our parents getting suspicious because we hadn�t told them about our relationship yet. I was scared to tell my parents and you, well, you just wanted to wait until I was comfortable. And we wanted to tell them at the same time, too. The first day home without you I tried not to think about you too much. You were always on my mind, though, even when all my friends came over and took me out clubbing. They gave me curious looks when I wasn�t interested in any of the girls that kept coming up to me, but I just shrugged it off. I wasn�t as afraid to tell my friends as I was to tell my parents, but I still didn�t want them to know yet. I didn�t want to lose anyone because I was with you. But if you asked me to tell them, I�d do it in a second. I�d do anything for you. It wasn�t until the next morning that you called me. Your flight had been at a different time, and by the time you got home, it was too late for you to call me. But waking up to the phone ringing and getting to hear your voice was worth the wait. I don�t think I�ll ever get sick of listening to you talk. Your voice is so smooth, so beautiful. And you may not always speak your thoughts clearly, but I know what you mean. You tell me about your reunion with your family and friends, and once I tell you about mine, we fall into a comfortable silence. We both go about doing our own things; I�m on my laptop typing, and I know that you�re probably working on lyrics, but it�s nice to know that you are there. I love knowing that you are there just in case I have something random I want to tell you. Our phone bills are ridiculous because of this, but hey, we have the money. And our love is more important than money any day. You call me later that night too, just to say goodnight. I tell you that I have a hard time sleeping without you, and you ask if I want you to sing me to sleep. I say yes, I never say no to an offer for a song, and you begin to sing. I close my eyes, and I soon have to say goodbye to you because I�m falling asleep. You whisper, �I love you,� before we hang up. The way you called, just to sit in silence and comfort me by being there makes me love you. The way you carry on about your life and your family excitedly makes me smile. The way you try to make me more comfortable, how you try to help me out shows me how much you care. When you call and offer to sing me to sleep, I can�t keep the happy, loving smile off my face. When you whisper, �I love you,� as I fall asleep makes my heart beat faster, and a loving feeling come over me as I drift off into dreamland, where I dream of you. You always know how to remind me that you love me. **** When we finally meet up again, we�re in Florida. We�re all staying at Justin�s house for a few days before traveling to New York for some publicity things. When I first see you again, you�re outside Justin�s house with him, playing basketball. You�re wearing shorts and a wifebeater, and you�re looking so hot. I suddenly want you so bad, but I know it will be a while before I can get you alone. When you notice me in the driveway, standing there just watching you, you run towards me, almost knocking me over as you jump on me, crushing me into a huge hug. I can�t help but laugh as I hear your contagious giggle. Justin doesn�t know about us, so I know you can�t kiss me, but I wish that you could. I�m about to say hello when � You kiss me. Long and hard. Once we pull back, I look at you confusedly before turning to look over at Justin. He�s looking at us, smiling. I turn back to you. �Did you tell him?� I ask, although I already know the answer. �Yeah,� you reply. �I hope that�s ok.� �Yeah. So he�s ok with us?� I ask you as Justin comes over. �Of course I am! You guys are like my brothers. I love ya�ll!� he exclaims, pulling both of us close to him. �Eww, you�re all sweaty, J,� I point out, pushing him away. �So is Josh, and you didn�t seem to care about that when you two were lip-locked,� Justin pointed out with a soft smile. I smiled back, saying, �That�s because Josh is special.� And that was the end of that. Soon after that, Chris and Joey arrived and we all sat down to lunch. The other guys talked about random experiences from their short visit home, laughing and joking with each other. You sat next to me, picking at your food and staring at me. I could tell, and sometimes, I�d look up just to see the blush that spread over your cheeks when I caught you. I�d just smile sweetly at you and then turn my attention back to my food. We told Chris and Joey later that night, and their reactions surprised us. Chris said, �Jeez, took you guys long enough!� Joey agreed, saying, �Yeah, we wondered when you two were going to tell us.� �Are you mad that we didn�t?� I asked cautiously. �No, of course not,� Chris replied. �But you guys know you can tell us anything,� Joey reminded us. �Yeah,� you responded, nodding along with me. �So since you all know and are ok with it, would it be ok for us to share a room tonight?� I blushed at you question, but I was praying that they would say yes. �Sure,� Justin replied, �but just don�t be too loud.� �We don�t-� I started, but you interrupted me. �Let�s go, Lance,� you said, pulling on my sleeve. I smiled apologetically as you pulled me up from my seat on the couch and followed Josh to our room. We stripped down to our boxers once we reached the room we were going to share, and we both climbed into bed. You immediately curled up against me, and I put my arms around your waist. You ran your fingers up and down my arms softly, tickling me. I giggled, your body shaking as mine did. You put your finger to my lips to silence me, and I licked it. You giggled and whispered, �not tonight, I�m too tired.� �I know, but I couldn�t resist,� I replied, smiling at you in the darkness. �Sing to me?� you ask, and I comply. As you fall asleep, I continue to hum softly, hugging you close to my body. I remember the way you made me comfortable about telling the guys by telling Justin first. Once you made me see that he was ok with it, I knew that Chris and Joey would be too. When you kissed me in front of Justin I was embarrassed, but it really showed me that you care. The way you stared at me through dinner made me feel special; you make me feel beautiful when you look at my like that. And the way you blushed when I caught you staring is so cute. When you let me hold you at night, I feel like we are one, like we care connected. I know we share an amazing bond, and I hope it�s never broken. When you asked me to sing, I felt like me voice was the most beautiful in the world because of the way you were looking at me. I love you like you love me. You always know how to remind me that you love me. **** While we were in New York a few days later, I realized that our anniversary was in two days. I had almost forgotten, so I rushed to find something to buy you. It would be two years for us, two years together. You didn�t mention it, so I figure you either forgot like I almost did, or you were planning a surprise. I was hoping for the second one, but I was pretty sure you just forgot. I almost did, and I�m supposed to be the one that always knows the schedule. When the day came, I woke up beside you in the bed we shared and smiled to myself. Two years together. We�d come through a lot together, and I was so happy to still be with you. I laid there watching you for a while. Watching you is one of my favorite things to do. When you�re sleeping is the best time to do it because I can do it for as long as I want. You won�t notice, unless you wake up, and you look so peaceful. I love it. When I get restless, I move closer to you, pulling you against my body. I place tiny kisses on your cheeks, your eyelids, and your nose. I nuzzle my nose into the soft skin of your face. Soon, I feel you moving underneath me, waking slowly. I kiss your lips then, and smile into them as you respond, rolling over so you�re laying on top of me. �Good morning, baby,� you whisper sleepily. �Good anniversary, Josh,� I reply, smiling up at him. �You too, Lance,� he responded, smiling back before kissing me again. �I love you,� he whispers before sliding his tongue over my ear. I can�t help but moan as he travels down my neck, leaving a trail of wet, sloppy kisses. �I love you too, babe,� I reply, pulling him close as he lies back down beside me. We both know that we have the whole day to spend together. We know that we have no appointments, so we can stay in bed the entire day if we want to. For the moment, all we want to do is lie in each other�s arms, listening to the quiet that we hardly ever get to hear. Later, sometime around lunch, Justin knocks on the door and tells us that the guys want to take us out to lunch. We agree, knowing that we should spend some time with our friends too. I shower, and then you, and we get dressed and ready to go. We usually shower together, but when we do, we get easily distracted. Justin said he wanted us ready in 20 minutes, and there was no way we�d make it if we showered together. Lunch with the guys was fun, but I pretty much just stared at you the whole time. I watched you, wondering why someone like you wanted to be with someone like me. Sometimes you told me that you felt the same way, and I think that�s what makes us a good pair. We keep each other in line, and we work well together. When we return to the hotel, we find a movie on pay-per-view to watch, and cuddle on the couch. I fall asleep against your shoulder, and when I wake, you�re no longer beside me. As I breathe in, I can smell something wonderful coming from our little kitchen. I walk slowly, still half asleep, and smile when I see you by the oven. You turn around and smile at me as I enter the kitchen. �I was wondering when you were gonna wake up, baby,� you say softly, pulling me into your arms. �Whatcha cooking?� I asked, hugging you back. �Well, I didn�t cook it. I was just keeping it warm in the oven until you woke up. I ordered room service,� you explain, pulling lasagna from the oven. �Yum,� I say as my stomach growls. You just giggle, bringing the lasagna to the table that�s already set for two. We both sit down facing each other, and you take my hand. �I love you, Lance,� you say, looking straight into my eyes. I stare back into your eyes before replying. �I love you too, Josh, so much.� You smile again, and I can�t help but smile back. When you�re happy, I�m happy. �Can I give you your present now?� you ask excitedly, and I nod, agreeing. You hop up from your seat and rush into the other room. You come back with a velvet jewelry box. I gasp as I open it. It�s a necklace � a small heart with diamonds in swirls around it. I turn it over and smile as I see the inscription on the back. �Love you forever,� it says. �Thank you, Josh, I love it,� I say, pulling you gift out of my pocket. It�s obviously jewelry, and I find myself worrying about whether you will like it or not. I don�t have much time to worry though, because you take it from my hands, and open it, gasping. It�s a ring, a promise ring, as I explain to you. It means that I promise myself to you for the rest of my life. Tears glitter in your eyes as I slip it on to your finger � it�s a perfect fit. I kiss your left hand before taking it in mine and leading you to the bedroom. When we enter the room, I stop and look around in shock. There are roses and white candles everywhere. I wonder when you could�ve done this, but then I remember that I was asleep for a while. You come around to stand in front of me. �I was going to have you go over to Justin�s for a few minutes, we came up with some excuse, so I could set this up, but when you fell asleep it was perfect,� you explain, leading me to the bed. �God I love you Josh,� I whisper as he pulls me into a crushing kiss. And I do love you. I love you for who you are, and for who you make me be. I love you for your faults as well as your talents. I just love you. And you always know how to remind me that you love me too. THE END |