ThePerfectGift

The boy with the curly blonde hair and shining blue eyes discreetly entered the store behind a large, black man with bulging biceps. Slipping into the bathroom, the boy locked the door behind him and proceeded to check each stall in case someone was hiding out. Seeing no one, he breathed a sigh of relief and grinned.

Opening the duffel bag that he had been carrying with him, the young man with boyish features and an impish grin quickly stripped himself of his clothing. Taking a quick look around, he then proceeded to peel off his boxer shorts. He was about to step into the black underwear he had brought with him, when he caught a glimpse of his naked body in the mirror. Grinning at himself, he then proceeded to do a little dance. Coughing loudly, he figured that was enough of that. Time to get back down to business.

He slipped into his black tighty-whities, and then dumped the rest of the clothing out onto the dirty bathroom floor. He easily slid into his black jeans, and his black turtleneck sweater fit him like a glove. He placed his black, wool hat on the top of his head, and shoved all of his golden curls inside of it. To finish the ensemble, he retrieved a pair of dark sunglasses from his bag and slipped them on. Turning back to the mirror, he proceeded to do the fake "point and shoot" gesture with his thumbs and forefingers, and purred at himself.

Yep, he was *so* ready for this.

~*~
Lonnie tapped his foot impatiently by the entrance to the bathroom, waiting for his young employer to quit fooling around and come out. After about ten minutes of waiting, the door opened, and Justin walked out, dressed head to toe in black. Lonnie raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. When he opened his mouth to speak, Justin raised a hand to silence him.

"You may go now Lonnie boy," he said. "I need to do some shopping for my baby's birthday. It's the big 2-2 after all!" Before Lonnie could respond, Justin was all ready running off. "We'll rendezvous by the limo in 0:800 hours. Tootles!"

And with that, he was off. Lonnie shook his head. That just boy got weirder and weirder with every passing day.

~*~
Justin was darting around the store of Walmart, humming the theme song to "Mission Impossible" loudly. He saw a young mother and her daughter heading his way, so he dove behind the nearest rack of clothing. He crawled in between the bars, and held his arms out straight.

'Now they'll just think I'm a sweater,' he thought to himself. 'I'm so
clever...'

When the strangers had passed, Justin breathed a sigh of relief. It was then he noticed the older woman browsing the rack of clothes he was currently "hiding" in. He froze, waiting for the precise moment to attack.

'Come on lady...' he thought. 'Just two feet closer ... closer ... that's it, one more step ... now!'

Justin leaped up in front of the woman, still posing as a sweater. "Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!" he cried.

The lady screamed, tossing her handbag into the air and running away, her arms flailing around in the air. Justin cocked his head to one side, watching her run away with a curious expression.

'Well,' he thought, 'that worked out nicely.'

Climbing out of the clothes rack, Justin walked casually down the hardwood path of the store, careful not to step on *any* cracks. When he passed by a display of alarm clocks and radios, he stopped to browse. After setting all of the radios to polka stations and turning up the volume dial, he proceeded to set all of the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. Pleased with his handy work, he continued on.

'Maybe Lance would like a brand new hunting gun for his birthday,' he thought. Thinking that this was a brilliant idea, Justin trudged on over to the hunting department.

"What can I help you with sir?" the man behind the counter asked cheerfully.

Justin bit his lip thoughtfully as his eyes roamed over the selection of
weapons. Spotting a shiny black one, he grinned excitedly.

"Can I see that one?"

The man nodded, climbing up on a chair and retrieving the gun. Handing it over to Justin, he showed him how to hold it properly. Justin pretended to target certain items, including the cashier, while he made bullet noises. A random thought occurred to him, and he spoke up.

"Hey!" he said loudly. "Anybody know where the antidepressants are?"

The cashier's eyes widened, and he threw himself onto the ground behind the counter. Justin looked at him strangely as he set the gun down on the table. Lance didn't go hunting that often anyway. He took one last look at the man as we walked away, shaking his head.

'Some people are just so weird,' he thought to himself with a sigh.

~*~
Next, Justin headed over to the toy section. He was *sure* he would find a good present for Lance over here. After all, this was heaven! Grabbing a basket and strolling up and down the aisles, Justin grabbed a handful of GI Joes and X-Men dolls and sat down in the middle of the floor. On one side, he set up a defense line of X-Men, and on the other were the GI Joes.

"We are the *real* men of the toys' section!" said Justin in a low voice, holding up a GI Joe figure and making him talk. "We protect the Barbies, *and* kids like us better!"

With his free hand, Justin grabbed Wolverine and shoved him in the soldier's face.

"Watch it you army pansy!" he growled. "Before I slice you in two! Grrrr!"

In the middle of the war, Justin sighed and dropped the dolls. No, Lance would not like these as a gift. As he passed by the section with birthday cards, he grabbed a roll of 'N SYNC wrapping paper. Seeing a man browsing through the anniversary cards, he poked him in the side.

"Hey guy," chirped Justin, "you want to have a sword fight?" He swiped the roll of paper over the man's head and then poked him in the side again. "Huh? Huh?"

"Uhhh, no thanks," said the stranger, backing away from Justin slowly. After a second, he turned around and fled.

"Chicken!" yelled Justin. He paused, a strange look twisting his face. "Ooh, I have to pee."

Justin dropped the wrapping, speed walking towards the restroom area. On his way by, his eyes caught sight of a small brown package. His eyes widened in awe, and he stopped dead in his tracks. 'It's the *perfect* gift!' he thought. Walking over to it, he picked it up. 'Yes, Lance will surely love this! Hmm ... it is kind of small though. I think perhaps I'll get him something else to go along with it. Better save this though. Don't want anyone else to steal it!'

Walking up to the layway counter, Justin set the package down and looked up at the lady behind the desk.

"I'd like to put this on layway," he said, wondering why she was giving him a strange look.

"Um, sir?"

"Yes?"

"Are you aware that this is a package of M&M's?"

"Of course!" he giggled, leaning in to whisper. "It's the *perfect* gift, and I don't want anyone to steal it."

The lady nodded slowly, as if she were humoring him. Justin was confused by her actions, but grinned when she did it anyway.

"There you are sir," she said. "Your, uh, *gift* has been put away safely."

"Thanks!" said Justin. "You're the BEST!"

He shook her hand vigorously and continued on to the bathrooms. On his way by, he grabbed a carton if orange juice. He was mighty thirsty after all. He walked inside the first stall, and sat down. After a minute, he looked around. Something was not right here. Suddenly, it clicked.

"Hey!" he yelled. "There's no toilet paper in here!"

He heard a few slamming of the stall doors, as well as a few screams, and wondered what the commotion was all about. Shrugging, he left the stall and went to look for some toilet paper. Finally, he came across a door that said 'MEN'S RESTROOM' on the front.

'That's strange,' he thought. 'Where was I before?'

~*~
Once he did his business in the urinal, Justin washed his hands. Grinning at himself in the mirror, he saw a piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth.

'Eww, gross,' he thought. 'I'll get it!'

The regular mirrors weren't too good for that, so he looked around the room, his eyes landing on a small black box with a round, shiny mirror on the front of it. He stood on the counter and, glad he *always* brought floss with him, proceeded to floss into the little moving box. On his way out, Justin looked back and forth between the two doors.

'Needs redecorating,' he thought, and proceed to switch the two signs, one with a boy stick figure and the other with a girl stick figure, on the two doors. 'There. Perfect!'

He grabbed his orange juice to take a sip, but his hands were still wet from washing his hands. The carton slipped from his fingers and hit the ground, forming a trail of yellow liquid from the hallway to the bathroom doors. Justin pouted.

'I wanted that orange juice,' he thought sadly.

Sad about his juice, but having to move on, Justin headed for the food court. To him, shopping was busy work. Ordering a nice, refreshing Dr. Pepper, he bit his lip nervously as his eyes lit up.

"Hey!" he said. "Can you put a little umbrella in it? Like a Hawaiian drink?"

The lady looked at him funny. "You don't get out much, do you?"

Justin shrugged, sipping his soda loudly and watching the man next to him order a deli sandwich. It looked good to Justin, so he ordered one too. Afterwards, he stared at the food and shook his head. Walking up to the man he had seen early, he tapped his shoulder lightly.

"Excuse me sir," he said, "but do you have any Grey Poupon?"

The man was silent, but shook his head with wide eyes. Justin snapped his fingers.

"Drat!" he said. "Well, tootles!"

Justin waved to the stranger and wandered off, skipping through the store.

~*~
"Now, you have to close your eyes baby," cooed Justin, his large hands covering Lance's eyes.

Lance grinned and sighed, trying to sound impatient, and failing miserably.

"Come one Justin!" he whined. "What did you get me?"

Justin took his hands away and kissed Lance on the lips, handing him the large bag. Lance squealed and sat down on the couch. Justin sat on his hands right beside him, excited for Lance to see his gifts. One by one, Lance pulled out the items in the bag:

"Hmm...," said Lance, half amused and half confused, "we have a GI Joe doll, an X-Men doll, an alarm clock, a radio, the movie "Mission Impossible," a roll of toilet paper, a roll of floss, a small jar of Grey Poupon, a tube of gift wrap and... a package of M&M's." He turned to Justin and cocked an eyebrow. "Um, thanks baby. These are ... so special."

Justin grinned, shoving everything but the package of M&M's out of the way.

"These are your real gift," he said, opening the package. "The other stuff is just to fill the bag. It was pretty, and I wanted it, but it was too big." He handed the package of M&M's to Lance. "Here, have one."

Lance smiled, pouring the candy out into his hands, and watching in awe as only green ones came out.

"What ... how ... how did you ... what?" babbled Lance.

Justin grinned. "I had it specially made, just for you. With *just* the green ones. I wanted to try something besides fruit chews this time around. This is my way of saying, I love you Lance. My green M&M's will always be for *you* and you alone."

Lance grinned and kissed Justin passionately, the chocolate candies getting crushed between their chests.

"Thank you Justin," he said breathlessly, "this was the perfect gift."