TheLWHchap16

Dinner was eaten in silence. Jim and Lynn looked back and forth between Justin and JC who didn�t really look at each other, but they didn�t say anything. Nevertheless it wasn�t an uncomfortable silence. It was just that they didn�t need to say anything now. When they�d finished eating, JC and Justin helped Lynn clean the table and then went into the hall to go upstairs, but Lynn called Justin back. Justin looked at JC and shrugged.

�I�ll be upstairs soon.�

�Okay. Meet me in my room?� JC asked and Justin nodded.

�Sure.� He went back into the kitchen where Lynn was standing with her back to the window, leaning against the dishwasher. Justin could hear the sounds of the TV coming from the living room, what meant that Jim was watching the sport news. Justin looked at his mother expectantly.

�What�s up, mom?� he asked. She looked at him, concerned.

�You tell me, Justin. What�s up with you today? You haven�t been yourself at dinner. Is something wrong with you and Joshua?� Justin sighed and looked back at her.

�There�s nothing, mom, I promise. Everything is fine with Josh and I. In fact, it is better that fine. Josh is wonderful, the perfect big brother. It couldn�t be better.� Lynn smiled at his sincere tone.

�That is great, Justin. It�s more than I had hoped. � But what�s up with you then?� Justin sighed again. How could he tell his mother, the person that knew him better than anybody else in the world, that he was falling in love with the boy that would be his stepbrother soon? There was no way he could tell her that. He didn�t think that she would be disgusted if he told her that he thought he was gay, or bi; but the person he liked would be his brother soon. Stepbrother, okay, but that wouldn�t make a big difference, for sure. He just couldn�t tell her.

�It�s nothing, really. I just have to come to terms with everything, my new family, the college� everything is so different here. They accept me for who and what I am, they actually like me. For the first time I have real friends, and I am no outsider here.� He looked up at his mother and saw that she had tears in her eyes. He went to her and hugged her tightly.

�I�m so glad that we�re here, mom. This is the best thing that ever happened to me.� A tear slipped down Lynn�s face, and she kissed her son on the cheek.

�I�m so glad, honey, I really am.� They stayed embraced for another minute, then Lynn slapped Justin on the ass lightly and moved him out of the kitchen.

�No go and do whatever you wanted to do. I�m sorry that I didn�t have enough time to talk today, but I promise you that tomorrow we�ll sit down and you tell me all about college, all right? Cause I want to now everything!�

�Sure, mom�, Justin answered and began to climb up the stairs. �Good night.�

�Good night, sweetie.�

*****

The door to JC�s room stood open, so Justin went inside and looked around. JC was nowhere to be seen. He heard movements in the bathroom, and one second later JC entered his room, now dressed in pajama pants and tee shirt, like Justin. Suddenly Justin�s heart was beating rapidly in his chest, and he was nervous. But JC seemed just as nervous as he did. He went to his bed and sat down, and Justin followed him. They looked at each other and smiled nervously. JC was it who broke the silence.

�So� what did Lynn want? Is everything all right?� he wanted to know. Justin swallowed.

�She wanted to know what was up with me today, you know, at dinner.� JC nodded.

�And, did you tell her what was up with you?� Justin shook his head.

�Not really. I mean, how could I tell her that� that�� he broke up and looked at JC helplessly.

�That what, Justin?� JC asked softly. Justin took a deep breath and whispered

�That I� how much� how much I like you.� He looked down at his hands, not daring to look JC into the eyes after the confession.

JC thought he was dreaming. Had Justin really said what he thought he had said? That he liked him� much? Was it possible that Justin liked him just as much as he liked *him*? He didn�t know what to say, he just looked at Justin, who was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt nervously.

�And how much exactly is that, Justin?�, he asked softly and took Justin�s hands in his own. Justin swallowed heavily and took a shaky breath.

�Josh, I� I� I don�t know what�s up with me. I� I like you so much. Very much. More than I probably should. Maybe I�m making a complete fool out of myself now, and maybe you�ll be completely disgusted with what I have to say, but� I have feelings towards you that I�ve never had before, for anybody. Feelings that I probably should have towards a girl, and not a boy. You make me feel so good, and loved, and� I want to spend every minute with you, and�, but I�m afraid that�� Justin couldn�t go on rambling, because JC had leaned forward and silenced him with a kiss.

Justin sat there, dazed, not moving a bit. His brain tried to understand what was happening, tried to understand why his heart was beating so fast, why his stomach was fluttering, why his hands were shaking. And then, after a few seconds, he began to respond to the kiss. He felt JC�s lips moving against his slightly, and he let his lips move in unison with them. He felt JC�s arms wrap around his waist, caressing his back, and he wrapped his around JC�s neck and grabbed the back of his head. He felt JC�s tongue softly licking at his bottom lip, and he opened his mouth to let JC�s tongue enter. And then their tongues touched, and it felt like a shock was running through Justin�s body. And JC felt it, too. He wrapped his arms tighter around Justin, like he never wanted to let him go again, while their tongues dueled erotically with each other.

And then, suddenly, JC was sitting on the bed alone, and Justin was up, pacing around the room, until JC told him to stop. Justin did as he was asked, he stopped dead in his tracks, and just stared at JC, a mixture of fear, confusion and a lot of other emotions shown on his face.

�I�m sorry Jace, I shouldn�t have��, he started, but JC interrupted him.

�No, Justin, don�t be sorry. I wanted it as much as you did. *I* was the one who made the first move. I like you so much, Justin. I think I�m falling in love with you. it is scary, but that�s how it is. I know that we only know each other for two weeks, but I have the feeling that I�ve known you my whole life. And, most important, in the last days I�ve had the feeling that you might feel the same. And when I heard you say that you like me so much, I thought� damn it, Justin, what�s the matter? Was I mistaken?� JC looked at Justin hurt, but his expression changed when he saw a tear escape the younger boy�s eyes.

�No, JC. You�re not mistaken. But� what I wanted to tell you before we kissed� I don�t know what to do. I like you so much, and I want nothing more than to be with you, but I�m afraid that maybe I just like you because you are the first person ever besides my mother who likes me for who I am. I never had friends before, and you helped me so much. I *think* I like you so much because you are so wonderful, because of you, but I want to be sure. I don�t want to hurt you and find out one day that it wasn�t real love, just gratitude. I want to be sure. I just need some time.
Please�, he whispered. �I don�t want to ruin what we have � if I haven�t already done it. Please.� He started to cry freely, and JC jumped off the bed and took him in his arms.

�Oh, Justin�, he just said and hugged him tightly. Nothing else was said in the next minutes, they just stood there, in the middle of the room, in a tight embrace, rocking back and forth, until they both had calmed down. Then JC drew his head back a bit and smiled at him, although inwardly he wanted to cry.

�It�s all right, Justin. It�s all right. I�m glad that you are so honest. I don�t want to lose what we have, either. You mean just too much to me.� Justin clung to him tightly, and JC stroked the back of his head.

�Thank you, Josh, thank you. Just give me some time. I just want to be sure�, he repeated. JC closed his eyes. He knew that there was a hard time coming � for him, for Justin, for them together. Even if Justin decided to give it a try, that would just be the beginning. What would their parents say, their friends, people at college? <I don�t care,> he thought. <I just want this to work out. There�s nothing I want more.>