| Somewhere In Between |
| written by Robin |
| JC sighed in bed, his eyelids drooping and his body lying down, but he was still no closer to sleep than he had been two hours ago. Pushing the blankets off of him, JC sat up in bed, hugging his pajama clad legs to his bare chest. "Why is this so hard?" he whispered into the darkness, gripping his hair at the roots and giving them a good tug. 'Maybe because this is huge decision,' a voice whispered to him. 'You make the wrong choice, and you completely screw over two lives.' JC's head snapped up, and he looked around the dark hotel room for the owner of the voice. Seeing no one, he sighed and reached over beside his bed, turning on a lamp. Rubbing his tired eyes, JC threw his feet over the side of the bed and began massaging his temples. "A list!" he said, slightly louder than he had meant to. Rushing over to his duffel bag on the floor, he quickly dug out his notebook and a pencil. "I'll make a list," he confirmed, "of pros and cons." Sitting down on the corner of his bed and writing on the bedside table, JC drew a shaky line down the center of the paper. On one side, he scribbled "Reasons To Love Lance" and on the other side he wrote "Reasons To Not Love Lance." Tapping the end of the pencil on his tongue, JC decided to start with the cons first. "Okay, number one," he announced quietly, "Lance and I are two very different people. We have little in common, except for music." 'And the fact that you love each other.' JC shook his head, ignoring the voice in the back of his head. Nodding, he continued on. "Number two, he's more of a social butterfly than I am. He likes to party, and I like to sleep." JC wrote that down. "Number three, he's a guy." Thinking about that last one, JC shook his head, crossing it out several times. "Love is love," he remembered explaining to Joey one day. "Haven't you ever heard the expression, 'It's not who you love, it's how you love?' That is so true." JC shook his head, wondering how the hell he hadn't gotten so smart that day. He wrote down a few more cons, and then decided to start on the pros. Amazingly enough, the answers were quicker in coming for that one. "Number one, Lance is a beautiful person, inside and out. Number two, he actually listens to me when I talk. Even when I ramble and carry on, he never breaks eye contact and nods like he's actually interested in every word I say. Number three," JC took a deep breath, "he loves me." An hour later, JC was writing the last pro he could think of in his tired state of mind. "Number twenty-seven," he said. "He watched Star Wars with me fifteen times when I was sick. That's gotta count for something." As he finished his last letter, JC smiled tiredly, proud of himself for coming up with the idea of making a list. 'And now the moment of truth,' he thought. Setting down the paper, JC began counting the number of pros and cons he had written down. "So that's twenty-seven pros," he said out loud, "and..." JC trailed off, his eyes wide and unbelieving as he stared at the paper. He shook his head vigorously. He must have counted wrong. Starting over again, JC counted the number of cons five more times before slamming his head on the desk. "Twenty-seven," he mumbled miserably. "Right down the middle." ~*~ Opening the balcony doors to his hotel room, JC didn't even bother to grab a jacket as he stepped out onto the cement patio. Maybe the biting cold of early morning winds was what he needed to set his mind straight. Sitting down in a lawn chair, JC watched the busy streets of New York City buzz with activity and life. The air was thick and almost suffocatingly cold, but JC didn't mind. Tilting his head back, he stared at the blanket of stars that decorated the black sky. As he searched for Orion and the Big Dipper, JC caught sight of a shooting star out of the corner of his eye. Squeezing his eyes shut tightly, JC made a silent wish, his lips moving slightly as he wished over and over again. After a few more seconds, he opened his eyes, no closer to an answer than he was before. Suddenly, he had a thought. It was crazy, and probably cowardly, but he was desperate for an answer. Reaching into his pocket, JC pulled out a silver coin. "Desperate times call for desperate measures," he whispered, "and right now I am about as desperate as they come." Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath. "Heads for Lance, tails ... no Lance." JC breathed in deeply, held it, and flipped his thumb upward, causing the coin to go flying through the air. JC watched in fascination as the shiny silver quarter twirled and flipped in the air, hit the patio with a sharp *ping*, turned on its side and ... rolled right off the edge and into the street. JC made a lunge for the coin, but it had all ready slipped through the bars and was now free falling to the sidewalk below. JC watched it go with a lost expression on his face. Sighing dejectedly, he got up and headed back inside. ~*~ He wasn't sure how he managed to get back inside his hotel room, or for that matter, how he gotten back into bed and picked up the hotel room phone. All he knew, was that his numb fingers were instinctively dialing a number, and JC was pretty sure he knew whose it was. Tapping his fingers on the edge of the phone, he waited for Lance to pick up on the other end. He heard a click, and then a sleepy voice answer. "Hello?" JC froze, debating on whether or not to hang up. Luckily though, his good sense kicked in and he cleared his throat before speaking. "Hey Lance, it's me." "Josh!" said Lance, sounding more awake. "Hi. Why are you calling? I mean, not that you can't call me or anything, but you're only two rooms away." JC laughed quietly, momentarily thinking that two rooms had never seemed so far away. He shook his head and shrugged to himself. "I don't know," he mumbled. "I just wanted to talk to you. Hear your voice." The next time he spoke, JC could clearly hear the smile in Lance's voice, and he chalked that one up to another pro; Lance's smile. "It's good to hear your voice too Josh," whispered Lance, and JC was surprised when he had to fight back tears. "We haven't gotten to talk in a while, just you and me. I miss that." "So do I," whispered JC. Lance laughed quietly, and the nervous tension was felt by both parties. Still, the silence wasn't uncomfortable. "Josh?" "Yeah Lance?" Lance fiddled with the telephone cord, wrapping it around his finger and wishing he had his ring on so he could play with it. It usually helped to ease his apprehension. "Are you, ya know, any closer to a decision?" He held his breath and crossed both sets of fingers. JC sighed, running a hand over his face and back to the base of his neck where he began to rub. "To tell you the truth," he sighed, "no, I'm not." He heard Lance's sigh on the other end and then a soft "oh" and rushed to add more. "I mean, it's taking me so long because I want to be sure that I'm sure about my decision," he explained. "I don't want to mess this one up. Okay?" There was a pause, and then Lance said, "Okay. But," He just couldn't resist asking, "are you maybe closer to yes, or no?" JC thought about that for a minute. "More like, somewhere in-between." He heard Lance laugh, and it made him smile. "Okay Josh, I get it," Lance chuckled. "I guess I better let you go now." JC nodded, feeling the tight squeeze in his gut that meant he was disappointed. "Okay," he agreed, ignoring his gut. "Goodnight Josh," said Lance. "Sleep tight." "Sweet dreams Lance." JC waited until he heard the dial tone and a recorded voice telling him the line had been disconnected before he actually hung up. Sighing quietly, he laid back down in bed, pulling the covers up to his collarbone and resting his head on a pillow. Staring at the ceiling, he searched for pictures in the patterns. Just as he was drifting off, JC could have sworn he saw a pair of catlike green eyes shining back at him from the dark. ~*~ JC was flying. He arms were spread out as far as they could go, and he was soaring through the clouds. He had never felt more free or exhilarated in his life. Looking down, he saw Justin, Chris and Joey waving up at him from the ground. Smiling, he waved back at them. They kept jumping up and down, pointing ahead of him. Confused, JC looked up, and flew right into a thick fog. JC coughed as he tore through the thick accumulation of fog and clouds. It was suffocating him, and he couldn't seem to find a way out. His arms suddenly didn't seem to work anymore, and he began stumbling, finally falling into a free fall dive. He watched, helpless, as he fell closer and closer to the hard ground. When he was only a few hundred yards away, he closed his eyes and braced his arms in front of his face, waiting for the impact. However, instead of hitting the ground, his body slowed down until he was barely moving, and drifted like a feather down until he was caught by strong arms. After a few minutes of trying to figure out if he was dead or not, JC slowly opened his eyes. Bright green eyes and a soft smile greeted him, and he smiled back, relaxing into Lance's arms. "See?" Lance whispered, his voice sounding somewhat like an echo. "I told you I would catch you if you fell." "But why?" JC asked, feeling a strange sense of comfort and safety in Lance's embrace. Lance leaned down next to JC's ear and whispered, "Because I love you." JC awoke with a start, sitting up in bed and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Wiping a hand over his forehead, he shook his head softly, clearing the sleep from his brain. He eyes whipped around the room, searching for Lance. When he didn't see anyone, he sighed quietly. "It was just a dream," he whispered, shutting his eyes, "just a dream." 'Then why had it seemed so real?' Opening his eyes, JC nodded slightly, throwing the blankets off of him and scrambling out of bed. He sprinted to his suitcase and threw it open, throwing pants and underwear out until he grabbed a shirt and a pair of socks. Throwing the shirt on, JC hopped on one foot at a time as he put his socks on. Grabbing his room key, he headed for the door. ~*~ The next morning, JC woke with a small yawn. He stretched in bed, wondering how he had gotten such a great night's sleep. Opening his eyes, he looked down at the body curled into his right side and smiled. 'That's why,' he thought, running a hand through Lance's spikes as he slept and placing a soft kiss on the younger man's forehead. Thinking that he should probably move his suitcase into Lance's room before anyone else woke up, JC carefully slipped out of bed. Giving Lance one more gentle kiss, he tiptoed to the door and down the hallway to his room. Once he was inside, it didn't take him very long to get his things. He usually didn't unpack at all when they stayed in a hotel, even though they would be in New York for a little over a week. After shoving the clothes he had tossed all over the room back into his suitcase, JC packed up his personal items and placed them in his duffel bag. Scanning the room to see if he had missed anything, he caught sight of his list lying on the floor beside the bed. Bending down to pick it up, he studied it for a minute. He reread his list of pros and cons, his eyes freezing on Pro #3 and Pro #27. "Because he loves me ... because I love him." Smiling, JC balled the piece of paper up in his hand, tossing it in the trash can as he grabbed his bags and headed back to Lance's room. THE END |