Sometimes

Sometimes, he remembers things he shouldn't.

Like, for instance, the way he used to wake up every morning, surprisingly warm even though Josh has stolen all of the covers.

He wishes he was warm like that again.

Then, almost out of habit, he would walk to the balcony, open the curtains, and kiss the sun. Not real kisses, like the kind he gave Josh every chance he got, but kisses he blew towards the heavens.

He wishes he could kiss the sun instead of curse the stars.

Everyone thinks he's happy now. After all, he has Justin. Everything should be peaches and cream, right? Wrong. He's not happy. He has Justin, but it's not what he wants; not *who* he wants. Nothing is right anymore.

~*~
Sometimes, he remembers people he shouldn't.

Like Chris. He was the kind of guy who could always make you laugh. He joked about being old, though he was really young both inside and out. He was friends with anyone and everyone who crossed his path. He's what someone might call a "people person."

Joey was a people person, too. He always had a smile on his face. Whether he was trully happy or not, he smiled, just to make another person feel better. Joey was selfless like that. He'd give you the shirt off of his back, whether you asked for it or not.

He wants to remember them, but he shouldn't. When he left Josh, he left them, too.

Josh.

He doesn't remember Josh. In his mind, in order to remember someone, you have to forget them first.

He never forgot Josh.

~*~
Sometimes, he wishes things he shouldn't wish.

He wishes he could quit his job and go for his dream. Since he was five, he had always wanted to be a cowboy; a real, honest to God cowboy. One with spurs, boots, tight jeans, a hat, and a horse of his very own. He wanted it all. Well, maybe not the tight jeans.

He wishes he had looked back. He knew Josh was watching him as he packed, but he never looked, never met those sad blue eyes. He got in the car with Justin, but when he turned, Justin grabbed his arm and told him not to look back. So he didn't.

He wishes his mind was stronger than his heart. He *should* love Justin, so why doesn't he? Justin has everything and is offering it to him, but he can't take it. It's not what he wants.

He wishes Josh would take him back.

~*~
Lance stands in front of Josh's front door, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. He takes a deep breath and raises his fist to knock. He stands there, hand raised, but not knocking. After several minutes, he is still frozen in place.

He shakes his head and turns to leave, deciding to be a corward and run, again. The sound of a door opening behind him stops him.

"Lance."

Just the sound of that voice brings tears to his eyes, each one carrying a different memory. He turns and sighs, the tears finally falling. Josh is beautiful, just like he remembers. He wants to believe it's been a year since he's left, maybe two, but he knows it hasn't been that long. Six months? Perhaps.

"Josh."

Not even the entire word is out of his mouth before his arms are around Josh. After a moment, Josh's arms are around him, too. Tears are shed, kisses are shared, and promises are renewed. Which come from whom, neither man knows.

Lance leans his forehead against Josh, their tears mingling and sliding down both of their faces. Lance whispers words of love and happiness that make Josh smile and sob, all at the same time. Both men know they have a long road ahead, and both are more than willing to take it. Lance smiles over Josh's shoulder and blows a kiss to the sun.

Sometimes, wishes do come true.

THE END