| Chapter 15 |
| Josh stood by a fidgeting Justin after ringing to doorbell. �Calm down Justin, everything�s going to be fine,� he said, trying to help Justin relax. �How do you know?� Justin whispered. �I just do,� was Josh�s answer, and then Brandi answered the door. Josh smiled cautiously at her, but she didn�t smile back. She waited until they both entered the house before closing the door. Then she spoke. �Lance is in the living room. Before we start, I just want to say that he�s hurting really badly, as you will probably be able to tell. Try not to hurt him anymore, ok?� �Ok,� Josh replied, and Justin only nodded. She led them into the living room where Lance sat on the couch. He looked up when they entered, and Justin immediately noticed the pained look in Lance�s eyes. He knew he had to make everything better. Brandi sat down on the couch next to Lance and took his hand in hers. Josh and Justin sat in the two chairs that were across from the couch. �Ok,� Josh started, and everyone else jumped when he broke the silence. �I just want to say right off that this is all my fault.� �Josh, no.� �Justin�� �Guys, you can argue with each other about who�s fault this is later. We�re waiting for an explanation,� Brandi told them sternly, as she squeezed Lance�s hand. �Ok,� Justin agreed, finding his voice. �Here�s what happened. Lance probably told you Brandi, but he and I kissed and made out a few times at the camp, and I�m not sure if you know this or not, but I don�t have any experience with guys. I was worried that when Lance moved into more sexual things in our relationship that I wouldn�t be good enough,� Justin explained, pausing to look over at Lance. He was listening, and his sad gaze went right to Justin�s heart. �Ok, that makes sense,� Brandi responded. �You know that�s not true, Justin,� Lance said softly. �I guess I just didn�t believe you when you said it didn�t matter. I wanted to be perfect for you. So I did the stupidest thing I�ve ever done in my life. When you and Brandi went to the store that morning, I begged Josh to teach me sexual things, to show me how to do everything so I�d know what to do when we get there,� Justin explained further. �You were already perfect to me, it didn�t matter if you weren�t good at sexual things,� Lance insisted. �I believe you, and I�m so sorry I doubted what you said. And you should *both* know that Josh said no at first. He said no so many times, and then I did something I shouldn�t have. I knew that if I begged and pouted, he�d give in. So I did, and he did. We decided to start right then since neither of you were home. We kissed for a second, and that�s all,� Justin finished, shuddering when he relived the moment Lance and Brandi returned in his head. �How much was he going to teach you? How far was it going to go?� Lance questioned softly, begging Justin with his eyes to give him a truthful answer. �Not all the way, I swear. I was definitely going to save my first time for you, Lance. I still am,� Justin replied. Lance didn�t know what to say to that. He felt a little better knowing that Justin hadn�t just cheated on him, and that they hadn�t gotten very far. It was hard for him to even comprehend that Justin would go to Josh instead of him to practice sexual things. He knew Justin was very embarrassed that he wasn�t experienced, but he�d honestly thought they�d gotten past that. He�d thought that his word was enough. �So if I tell you other things, are you not going to believe me?� Lance questioned. �No, of course not. Lance, you know how uncomfortable I am with how inexperienced I am. I just, I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to be perfect at everything,� Justin tried to explain. He didn�t know what else he could say. �You already are perfect in my eyes,� Lance whispered, and Justin barely heard his words. He stared at Justin again, and Justin vowed to himself that he would never hurt Lance again. He hated the way it made him feel, and he hated the way that Lance looked at him. He hated that hurt, upset look Lance gave him. He knew he deserved it, and he hated himself for putting that look in Lance�s eyes. Tears came to Justin�s eyes at the words Lance spoke, and he realized how much he had screwed up. �I promise you Lance, I will do whatever it takes to make this up to you. I�m not giving up until the day I die,� Justin vowed, and with that, he and Josh got up from their seats and went out to the car. Brandi stayed by Lance�s side, and held him while he cried. �What can I do to make you feel better, Lance? What can I do to stop the hurt?� she asked softly. �You�ve already helped so much. He was stupid not to listen to me, but I can understand his thinking. It hurts now because he didn�t trust me. I need him to show me that he trusts me, that I can trust him not to run to Josh whenever we take another step in the relationship,� Lance told her. Brandi smiled softly. It sounded like Justin wasn�t the only one who was going to do whatever it took to fix this relationship. She knew that all she could do now was sit back and wait for both Justin and Lance to take the necessary steps to put their relationship back together. **** Justin asked Josh to drop him off at his house when they left Lance and Brandi�s house. �Are you going to be ok?� Josh asked him. �Yeah. I need to figure out how I�m going to get him back,� Justin replied, a small smile on his face. Josh could already see his brain turning, trying to come up with ideas. �Ok. If you need anything, give me a call, ok?� Josh responded, hugging Justin when they arrived at Justin�s house. �Are *you* ok, Josh?� Justin asked curiously. �Yeah, I�ll be all right. I�ve got some making up to do too,� Josh said. �Maybe we can all do something together once they forgive us,� Justin suggested. �That would be cool,� Josh replied, smiling. �Call me, ok?� �Of course. Thanks Josh.� �No problem. See you later.� And with that, Josh left Justin on his front porch, already wondering what he was going to do to make it up to Lance. He decided to head to the store to try and find something to buy Lance. He knew material things wouldn�t prove that he cared and could be trusted again, but he figured they were a good first step. He decided to look in a small gift shop in town. He poked around in the card section for a while before deciding that he didn�t want to get a card. He moved further into the store, and stopped in front of a rack of stuffed animals. He knew Lance loved them, and his eyes gazed over the different varieties of animals on the shelf. His eyes stopped on a medium-sized teddy bear that looked really soft, and when he reached out and ran his fingers over the bear�s arm, he found out that it was. In fact, the bears soft, curly fur felt almost exactly like his hair. He smiled, knowing that Lance loved running his fingers through Justin�s hair, even when they�d just been friends. Justin fingered the blue bow around the bear�s neck before picking it up off the shelf and bringing it to the register. After purchasing the bear, he crossed the street and went into a flower shop. He�d also bought a vase at the gift shop, one almost the exact color of Lance�s eyes. He wanted to get Lance a bouquet of flowers to put into the new vase. There were so many choices, so he left the woman who worked there pick something out that said, �I�m sorry.� As Justin walked to the car, he had to admit that the woman had done a wonderful job. The flowers weren�t anything expensive, but they looked beautiful. They were an assortment of colors, and they looked like the flowers that Justin�s mother planted around their house. �Beautiful, just like Lance,� Justin thought to himself, as he drove home. When he showed his mother the flowers, she commented out how beautiful they were and helped him arrange them in the vase. �These must be for someone very special,� she commented as she placed the flower-filled vase on the counter. �They are,� Justin responded, knowing that it was probably time to let his mother in on what was happening. �Mom?� �Yes?� �Well, when we were at camp last week, Lance and I kind of decided that we like each other as more than friends. So we were together, I think. And then we had this fight, and that�s what the flowers are for. I did something really stupid, and I need to prove to him that I�m sorry,� Justin explained, his hands waving around as he told her the story. His mother just smiled at him knowingly. �Is this ok?� Justin asked. �I know I�ve never been in a relationship with a guy. I know you�re ok with the fact that I�m gay�� �Yes, this is fine. I�m happy for you, but what did you do that you have to apologize for?� she asked curiously. �I�d rather not say,� Justin replied, blushing. �Just know that I have to put a lot of effort into fixing it. And I�ll never do something like it again.� �As long as you learned your lesson.� �Yes, I have.� �So are you going to bring these over?� she asked. �Yeah. Will you come and hold the vase so it doesn�t tip over in the car?� he questioned. �Sure, let�s go,� she responded, following him out to the car. **** Lance unsuccessfully tried to take a nap after Josh and Justin left. He wasn�t able to think because there was too much on his mind. He couldn�t stop wondering what Justin was planning to do in order to prove that he could be trusted. Lance hoped that he would start working on it soon because he didn�t want to be without Justin for very much longer. He didn�t know if he could stand it. Brandi came in a few minutes later, telling him that she was going to go out shopping with a few friends. �Do you want to come?� she asked. �Hell no. Go shopping with you and your friends? I may be upset, but I�m not stupid,� Lance teased, and Brandi stuck out her tongue. �Well sorry for caring,� she teased back, smiling. Lance laughed. �You go and have fun. I�m going to watch a movie or something,� Lance told her. �I�ve missed your laugh, Lance,� she said seriously. �Me too,� Lance responded, smiling at her. She smiled back before going to get her purse and leaving. |
| Chapter 16 |