NeverAgain

"Then maybe that's it, Josh," Lance said his words full of bitterness.

"Maybe it is," JC replied trying not to let the hurt shine through his words. 'Don't cry, be a man,' he thought to himself.

"Ok then," Lance said as he left the room never looking back. It wasn't until JC fell to the floor of the *NSYNC toy room that he realized the velocity of what had just taken place.

Lance and him had been perfect. They had been together since practically the beginning. They had always been best friends and when those feelings developed into something more neither hesitated to take the next step. It had been over a year that they were together and every day had been perfect.

That is until this summer. This summer they were on tour, the whole summer. Everyone was constantly together with no where to go. Even that was too much togetherness. It had gotten to be too much.

Lance started to pick stupid fights he knew no one would win. JC started to withdraw himself, going on long walks and sitting in random coffee shops writing song lyrics on napkins and paper place mats. They still shared a room and a bed but they had never been further apart. They didn't touch or say a word to each other. They simply existed. They were both far too precious to just exist.

JC should've seen it coming but he didn't and this new revelation hit him like a ton of bricks.

So JC wrote and wrote and wrote. Nothing good ever came from it. He had lost his muse, his inspiration. All he had was blank pieces of paper. Or on the really bad nights papers filled with hateful, bitter words. Words that no one would ever read and certainly no one would ever hear. Words JC couldn't even admit to himself that he was feeling.

Lance was even worse. He had stopped going out all together when he didn't have to. He would lock himself in his hotel room watching bad reruns or even worse infomercials into the wee hours of the morning when he would finally fall asleep, cheeks tear stained and eyes bloodshot.

Neither would ever admit this to each other.

One night was different though. JC was desperate. He needed to talk to Lance, to see him in a setting other than the enormous No Strings Attached stage or in front of the live TV audiences of random talk shows.

So JC went to Lance's room and knocked lightly on the door. He waited and no one answered. He was about to give up when something told him to try the door. Much to his own dismay it slipped open like magic.

He looked around the room finding no one there. 'That's weird,' he thought to himself turning to leave. Before he could get out the door he heard a muffled cry.

He walked further into the room and looked over the couch and onto the floor in front of it. Lance lay there curled up in a small ball looking hurt and broken. JC looked up and saw a fire brewing in the fireplace; the bright orange flames reflections were playing off Lance's light features. He was sound asleep with tearstains covering his cheeks.

JC felt his breathe catch in his throat as he tried to stay standing. He gripped the couch in front of him. 'He does feel it too. It's not just me. Only he doesn't care or else he wouldn't have broken up with me, would he?' he thought silently getting even more confused. He turned around and began rummaging through the papers on the table. He found a blank sheet and a pen and sat down. The words flowed quickly as he watched the love of his life only inches away yet more untouchable than ever:

'I don't know when we fell apart
The love that we had was like a work of art
I used to see heaven in your eyes
Now angels are falling from your skies
Things we said were so wrong
And I haven't held you for so long
My foolish pride turns me inside
Why did we tell all those lies
You can reach for the phone
You don't have to be alone

Outside the wind it seems so cold
Your heart is frozen like the snow
And there's no one home
To keep you safe and warm
Your eyes are red because you've cried
You fell asleep by the fireside
But there's one thing you should know
On this Christmas, baby
You don't have to be alone
And I had only one wish on my list
For me you would be the perfect gift
There's nothing colder than an empty home, no
And holidays were never meant to be alone
The smiles we gave when our hearts were saved
By each others love and warmth
That's subsided now, no happiness around
If I could only find the way to your hear...'

And JC wrote his first song since the breakup. It wasn't only coincidence that it was about Christmas. The label had been badgering him all summer to come up with something for "The Grinch" soundtrack. It was one added burden that he didn't need. And in a few minutes one song had lifted almost all of those burdens away.

JC could wait until they were in the studio recording it. He was going to sing it to Lance, for Lance in front of all the others no matter what happened. Well what happened was that Lance didn't show up that day, he didn't show up the make up day either, or the rescheduled make up day. JC was crushed. In the end Lance's vocals were recorded one day when he was pulled out of rehearsals and later dubbed in with the others.

JC needed his chance. That was where the *NSYNC *NTIMATE holiday special came into play. They were singing "You Don't Have to Be Alone." JC would have his chance. He could finally win Lance over.

JC could only imagine sitting on the stool next to the love of his life singing his soul out. They would go backstage afterwards and fall into each others arms kisses falling all over tear stained cheeks and lips that had been neglected for months now.

His dream didn't come true. He sang and sang trying desperately not to be over obvious. He wanted nothing more than to turn towards Lance and take his hand and look deep into those crystal eyes and see his entire future; but he couldn't and he didn't.

JC waited with the others in a small hallway for their van to return when the show ended. Lance was only inches away from him. He hadn't said a word since they came off stage. There was no declaration of love and no kisses. Instead he sat there staring at the cold shell of the man he once planned to spend his whole life with.

JC wanted more than anything to grab Lance's shoulders and shake him senseless and scream "I still love you, you dumb ass, pick your head out of the sand and see it." But he couldn't.

They all left that night and days later they all flew home. Each man to his original home, returning as the prodigal son. They lived for Christmas break.

JC, however, didn't want to see a soul. He locked himself in his apartment for days. He made a fire in his fireplace staring at it for hours before finally falling asleep. He spent Christmas Eve curled up on the floor looking at the orange flames burn out to nothing but the steaming remainders of the logs.

He had a picture next to him. It was of Lance and he in some hotel room curled up on the couch in each other's arms. Their eyes were glittering and their smiles were so big they looked as if they could break at any minute. One of the guys had taken it when trying to use up extra film and they had endured much mockery because of it but there was no doubt that it was the best picture they had ever taken.

JC fell asleep staring at the beautiful blonde man he held in the picture wishing they could be together right now.

He was awakened the next morning to his phone ringing loudly. He jumped up and searched the room for it before spotting it and snatching it up.

"Hello," he slurred trying to wake up. The doorbell buzzed and he walked towards it wondering who could be at his house this early on Christmas.

"Josh, answer the door," a deep voice came through the phone. JC braced himself on the door handle for a long moment before gathering the courage to open it. "Answer it," the voice persisted through the phone he still held up to his ear.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming first," JC whispered.

"You're not dreaming, open the door," the voice laughed slightly. JC turned the knob and was bombarded as a beautiful man came flying at him.

"Lance," JC mumbled holding him tightly to his body as he pushed the door shut, "I'd given up hope on you." Their lips met briefly before Lance pulled back.

"I watched the special. My mom had taped it. She yelled at me. My grandma yelled at me," Lance giggled slightly before getting serious, "I don't want to be alone anymore."

"You don't have to be," JC whispered, "You never have to be alone again."