Mchapter3

Josh was dreaming. And he knew it, too. The image of Christi wasn't very clear. It was a little blurry. And in his daydreams of her, he could always see her crystal clear. So he was dreaming.

He saw himself and Christi sitting in their new apartment, Christi�s stomach swelling. Josh figured it was near the time that she�d had the baby. And he was right.

He saw Christi jump up and remember exactly when the dream took place. The night she�d gone into labor. He watched himself leap up and help her to the car, grabbing the suitcase that was packed just in case.

He saw himself speed to the hospital, trying to calm Christi with his soothing words. But he remembered how he�d felt at the time. And those soothing words hadn�t been for her sake. He�d been scared out of his mind.

He�d finally calmed down a little as they brought Christi into a room and he could sit down. The next few hours had been a blur to him, and then he�d held his baby girl for the first time. She was beautiful.

Then they�d taken the child away from him, and told him something was wrong with Christi. He�d demanded to know what, but they said they weren�t sure yet. They wouldn�t let him see her. He�d been devastated.

The night his child was born was supposed to be the best night of his life. But it had turned into the worst.

****

Josh trembled a little in Joey�s arms, but Joey didn�t notice because he�d fallen asleep by then too. Soon, Josh was shaking violently with sobs.

****

He�d waited hours to see her, to see the mother of his child. And when he finally was able to, his heart had broken. She looked so fragile. They had told him something was wrong with her heart. He�d nearly cried when he saw he hooked up to so many big machines. He�d gone over next to her, and held her hand for a long time. Then he�d looked up to see the heart monitor go flat. She�d died right there in front of him. And there was nothing he could do. No one could bring her back.

He�d stayed at the hospital until he could take Leah Christi home with him. They�d chosen their daughter�s name weeks before she�d been born - Leah Marie - but he�d wanted to change it.
He�d had a very hard time trying to raise a baby on his own, along with trying to handle all his grief. His mother had moved in with him to help out. And she�d helped him so much. She�s taught him how to raise a baby, while comforting him at the same time. She�d suffered a loss too. She�d loved Christi like a daughter. But she was able to keep her emotions in check while Josh was around.

Joey had also been a big help. Offering to take the baby for a few hours so Josh could go out, or spend some time in the studio in his home. Joey was great with kids and Josh knew he owed his life to Joey for taking Leah off his hands during some really hard times.

The studio was his refuge. Whenever something was wrong, even before Christi�s death, he�d gone there to take it out on the piano, or write a song. That�s how he�d always dealt with his emotions.

****

Joey woke up to Josh�s wild shaking. He realized that they were still on the floor. And then he realized that Josh was sobbing. Joey had dealt with Josh�s dreams before.

He carefully shook Josh, trying to free him from whatever nightmare he was having this time. �Josh, wake up,� Joey said in a soft voice.

When that didn�t do anything, he shook Josh softly and said in a louder voice, �Josh, you can wake up now. It�s ok. I�m here.�

Josh woke up with a start. Noticing that Joey was still holding him, he tried to speak but it came out as a choked sob. Then he realized that he was crying.

�Shh, Josh, it�s ok,� Joey spoke, trying to calm Josh down a little. He brushed Josh�s hair out of his face and tilted Josh�s face so their gazes met. �It�s me, Joey,� Joey whispered, �you had another nightmare, Josh.�

Josh closed his eyes and sighed. He�d finally stopped crying enough to speak, �I�m sorry I fell asleep on you. Joe,� he apologized, �literally.�

Joey laughed softly. �Don�t worry about it,� he said, helping Josh into a sitting position, �are you ok now?�

�Yeah, I�ll be ok. What time is it?� Josh asked.

�Midnight,� Joey answered, wondering why Josh had brushed off his questions, �What�d you dream about, Josh?�

�Good, Leah should be home soon,� Josh said before answering Joey�s question, �It was about Christi.�

�Yeah, that�s what I thought. Want to talk about it?� Joey asked cautiously, hoping Josh would say yes. Josh hardly ever showed his emotions like this.

�Uh, sure, it would probably help,� Josh agreed, knowing that he would feel better if he shared his pain with Joey.

�Ok,� Joey trailed off, waiting for Josh to tell him and hoping that he�d be able to help.

�Well, it started the night that Leah was born,� Josh started, �it was weird. It was like I was an observer, not in the dream. I saw myself freaking out, driving her to the hospital, and waiting once I was there. But you know what else was weird?�

�What?� Joey asked curiously.

�I felt every single emotion over again,� Josh told Joey, �fear, worry, excitement, joy, everything.�

�Wow, that is strange,� Joey said, waiting for Josh to get to the nightmare part. He had a feeling he knew what it was about.

�Yeah, and then Leah was born. And then I was told something was wrong with Christi. I had to watch her die all over again, Joey. And then I had to relive the hardest weeks of my life,� Josh cried.

�Oh, I�m so sorry, Josh, I wish I could make the hurt go away,� Joey said, his hand on Josh�s to show his support.

�Yeah, I wish you could too,� Josh said hanging his head. There were a few minutes of silence before he spoke again, �hey, Joey?�

�Yeah?� Joey said, looking down at Josh so their eyes met.

�Do you think maybe I relived that so I could finally have closure on the whole thing?� Josh asked, looking deep in thought.

�Yeah, I do think so,� Joey agreed, �because haven�t all of your other nightmares been about losing Leah the same way?�

�Yeah,� Josh sighed, �I think I�ll go to the cemetery tomorrow and say goodbye to Christi. I mean, it�s been seventeen years. I need to move on.�

�Do you want me to come with you?� Joey asked, hoping Josh would let Joey be there for him.

�I think I should do this alone, but will you drive me there and then pick me up when I�m done?� Josh asked.

�Of course, Josh,� Joey agreed.

�Ok then, you up for another movie?� Josh suggested.