| Hardest Of Times |
| Story #3: *Coming Soon* |
| I hate you, Lance. Ok, I don't HATE you. I love you. I love you more than anything in this whole world and I've come to the conclusion that I can't live without you. It's really a shame isn't it? Especially considering we are no longer together. We used to be. Oh boy did we used to be. I'll never forgot all that time we spent together: on the bus, in hotel rooms, in the dressing rooms, in my bedroom in Orlando, and anywhere else we could be remotely alone. But that was before HER. Yeah, the time before the Mississippi Tramp was perfect. I guess more fitting words would be, "I hate Laura," not "I hate you." We were perfect before her. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Lance and JC were two normal young men. Well except for the fact they were two-fifths of the biggest singing group in the world and that they each hid whom they really were. Who they really were being two gay men who were in love with the other. When they came out it went something like this: "Lance, hey, I, um, just wanted to let you know that well. Um, don't freak out or anything. I know you probably will, but like try to hold it back until I'm out of the room and then you can pray to God for forgiveness for being around someone like me. I mean I don't think it's bad cuz yeah I'm like this after all and what kind of person would I be if I thought of myself like that?" "Josh, you're rambling," he spoke softly. "Yeah, I am, you're right on that one, this is just hard to say and like I haven't told anyone this and I wanted you to be the first to know," JC spilled out uncomfortable as Lance moved towards him and stopped inches from his face. "Are you trying to tell me you're gay?" Lance asked hitting the nail directly on the head. "Yeah, I am." "This is easier than I thought it'd be." "What's that supposed to mean?" "It means that you just gave me a perfect intro into what I wanted to tell you," Lance paused, "In fact I don't think I'll even mess around with the words." And with that Lance leaned in and kissed JC. As quick as the kiss happened they were together. They fell in love. The actual act of love took a little longer. As did the realization of this newfound fascination they had with one another. Lance was a bit prudish at first. He didn't mind sleeping with JC at all but the act of doing anything more than sleeping scared him a bit. A lot. One night he finally told JC all of this and JC told him it was okay to be scared. Lance told JC he wanted it. He really wanted it. And JC told him he would stop if it hurt at all. But it didn't hurt. In fact in the midst of all their passion and all of their exploration they confessed something that neither had ever confessed before. As JC moved deeply within Lance he leaned up to his ear and whispered the words, "I love you." Lance said them back as a reflex at first but then realized that he actually meant it. They were together from that moment on. Whether it was at a photo shoot or when they were making a new video or even on TRL. No matter how much they had to hide it from the world, there was no doubt in either of their minds that they were anything but together. That was until management put the pieces together, until things became a little too obvious. The other three could've cared less but management, a large African-American man who knew the boy-band business inside and out, cared. Johnny cared a lot. However, he just gave his well wishes and told them to "be careful, don't screw your selves over." Johnny couldn't be quieted much longer. JC knew something was up when he woke up one morning alone in his bed. Lance and he hadn't slept apart since the night they had finally consummated their love. He sat up as soon as the door opened and KNEW it wasn't going to be pretty. "Josh, we gotta talk." Ouch, not those words. "What's up, baby?" JC asked attempting to crawl towards Lance for a light kiss. Lance moved away. Ouch. "Josh, don't make this harder than it already is," he shrugged moving to the other side of the room. "Nu uh, not those words," JC cringed as he tried to stand up. "Yeah, um, this thing isn't like, um working," Lance paused trying to will away the lump in his throat, "Like the us thing. It doesn't do it for me anymore. I think we need to break up." "What the fuck? Where is this thing coming from?" JC screamed as he hopped off the bed and went flying at Lance. "It's been here for awhile," he whispered quietly not looking at JC but concentrating on the skyline outside the window. "Oh yeah, was it here last night when I held you in bed and kissed you and made love TO YOU?" he practically spat he was so shocked in trying to get his words out. "Josh, stop it. Don't be irrational. You know exactly what I mean," Lance lied as he went to his bag to pack. "I must be missing something," he exclaimed passing back and forth across the room when his eyes caught a piece of paper on the nightstand. Before Lance could stop him he had it in his hands and was reading it. "Lance, meet me in the lobby tomorrow at 7:00. We need to discuss some business matters. Johnny," JC read aloud, "JOHNNY! You're letting Johnny break us up!" his voice growing louder. "It's not Johnny," he mumbled picking up his bag and leaving the room. And the next week Laura flew in for the weekend. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Bitch. Yeah, it seems harsh, but she is. She took my man. MY MAN. Lance is my man. She doesn't deserve him. What's worse is that I don't think Lance has actually thought through this all. I mean Johnny probably gave him some empty threat to out him to the world if he didn't break up with me. Yeah, Johns that would make sense, cuz then you'd self-destruct your own magical creation from the inside out. Lance doesn't know how to call bullshit though. That's why I love him. Despite outward appearances he really is still that naive little country boy. It had to be him. I mean no offense to Laura or anything like that, but WHO in their right mind would choose HER over ME? I'll give you credit; you're smarter than that. All of that doesn't make it any easier though. Whenever I see you I just want to start screaming how much I love you and how much I still need you. I'm so clearly not over you. Every time I see you with her I feel like I'm losing a little more of what you were with me. I tried to get over you. I really did. There's one thing I bet you have no idea of, Lance. You are impossible to get over. Because when you look at me I still go weak in the knees and feel like I should go wrap my arms around you and hold you so close. And then I start to cry like I'm doing right now. I curl up on the bed and sob really loudly while blaring some random song from the radio in order to prevent anyone to hear the said crying. 'I know she loves you and I can't interfere, so I'll just have to sit back and watch my world disappear..' the radio sang on another sad love song. And it's even better when the random song relates completely to my life. It makes the crying even more worth it as I fall asleep. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> "Josh?" a voice called as the door slowly opened. Every light must have been on in the room and the radio played loudly as the man looked for any side of human life. "Ah ha," Lance grinned seeing JC curled up on his bed. Lance turned the volume down slightly on the radio. The sleeping body rolled over and blinked as the blue eyes tried to open. "Baby?" JC asked half-asleep. Lance beamed at hearing the words but JC didn't see since he was squinting his eyes shut realizing what he had just called Lance. Lance looked a little closer and saw the tear streaks on the pale cheeks and knew automatically what had been going on. He sat down softly on the edge of the bed. "Josh," Lance mumbled running his hand lightly through the strands of hair that lay splayed out on the bed. A content moan tumbled out of the brunette's lips before he could even think to prevent it. "I miss you so much, baby," JC mumbled never bothering to open his eyes, "If only she knew how much I needed you to survive. She doesn't need you like that." "Josh, don't do this," Lance mumbled trying to prevent the dampness in his eyes from turning into actual tears. "I still love you like I did before. I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do," JC sobbed the tears falling freely from the two blue pools in his face as he sat up. "Not right now," Lance said in pure monotone as he got off the bed and walked out the door. "I love you, too," JC called as the door slammed. He turned over on his side and pulled the blankets tightly to his body. He fell into such a deep sleep that he didn't hear the door open or feel the bed move under someone else's weight. However, in his sleep he could sense the feeling of someone's body pushing against his back and two arms pulling him into their embrace and he sighed contently. "I still feel the same way you do," Lance mumbled kissing him lightly on the back of the neck. |