FirstSight4

when lance awoke sometime during the darkest part of the night, justin was pressed close behind him, breathing softly near his ear. for a moment, lance couldn't figure out where he was or who it was in bed with him, but then, in a flurry, the memories of the day before came flooding back, including the memory of justin asking if he could sleep with lance. in the darkness, the older boy grinned and scooted back against justin, finding one of justin's arms and pulling it over himself so that justin was holding him. as lance sighed back to sleep, he felt justin snuggle closer. he smiled.

justin woke up with lance in his arms. [how long have we been like this in my bed?] justin wondered. he looked down at lance, who was still sleeping, and studied the boy. his blond hair was messy with sleep, but his face looked angelic. a slight smile sat upon his lips. justin could feel something akin to desire wash over him, and for a moment, he thought he might actually lean down and kiss lance, even though neither boy had brushed his teeth yet this morning, but then that feeling passed, and justin was once again content to watch lance sleep. though most of his thoughts were wild and swirling and nonsensical, one thing was clear in his mind: he was in love.

for a few minutes, all was quiet in justin's room. then, just as justin was going to sneak out of bed, lance mumbled, "what you lookin' at, boy?" with a smile, and justin laughed.

"just watching you sleep," justin answered, and lance sighed.

"you wanna watch me brush my teeth, too?" he teased.

"no," justin said, no sign of a blush, "i need to do that, too. let's go."

so the two boys climbed out of justin's bed and padded down to the bathroom. justin could smell bacon frying in the kitchen. "morning, mom," he called down the stairs.

"good morning, sleepy-head!" she called back. "is lance up yet?"

"yes ma'am!" lance answered for himself.

"breakfast is almost ready, kids."

"we'll be right down, mom!" justin finished, and he and lance disappeared into the bathroom.

***

"mom?" justin's voice echoed through his now-empty house the night that lance and his mom left to go back to mississippi. "mom, can i talk to you?"

"sure, honey, come into the kitchen," she called back. justin wandered in. his usual smile was missing, and lynn knew instantly that justin had something serious on his mind. "what is it, honey?" she asked gently,
pulling out a chair at the kitchen table for justin before sitting in one
herself.

justin looked up at his mother with wide blue eyes that threatened to spill tears. "mom, it's about lance."

"did he hurt you, baby?" lynn asked, instantly wanting to defend her son.

"no, mom," justin said quietly, "not at all. i... i miss him."

"oh, justin! i miss him, too, love, he was such a sweet boy. he'll be back soon, though, to work on the group. you'll see him again soon."

"i know all that, mom, but it's more than that." justin dropped his voice to a whisper as his divulged his secret: "i think i'm in love with him. i think, no, i know, i fell in love with him at first sight."

lynn's breath caught in her throat. she looked at her son whose face was now streaked with spilled-over tears, and she stood and pulled him into a tight hug.

justin cried into her shirt. "i love him, mom, i love lance," he sobbed in in his mother's arms.

lynn wasn't really sure what to say. [justin is only 14,] she thought, [what does he know about love?] but she knew that justin had an incredible ability to connect with people, and if he'd connected with lance, whether it was truly love or not was really a non-issue. if justin believed he loved lance, then the deal was as good as done. she took a deep breath and said to her son, "justin, i believe you."

he sniffled from within her embrace. "you do?"

"yes, baby, of course i do. i know you know what's truly in your heart. and lance, well, he's lucky to have you loving him. he's a very lucky boy."

"really, mom?"

"really, justin."

"so now what do i do?"

lynn sighed again, still holding justin close. "that's a tough question,
honey. give it time, since you're both so young. give it time, and during that time, if you still love lance, well, you keep right on loving him."

"it's ok for me to love him?"

"love is never not ok, baby."

"thanks, mom," justin sniffled again, hugging his mom tightly. she kissed the curls on the top of his head, and justin left the kitchen smiling through his tears.