FirstSight15

jc lay there on his bed and let justin go. he had known that his little
seduction plan wouldn't work. in a way, he was glad. part of him just
wanted justin to be happy, and the boy was happy with lance, jc knew that. he'd seen them together. but a different and more demanding part of jc wanted justin to be [his] -- and it was far easier to give in to that part
than to fight it.

jc was miserable. he ached for justin: mind, body, and soul. and he could not have the boy, he knew that. but that didn't stop the want.

jc lay there on his bed and willed himself not to cry. instead he thought
back to the night before and the precious, stolen time he'd spent with justin in lance's bed. in his mind, jc went over every detail of justin's beautiful body, and as he remembered watching justin fuck lance, jc trailed a hand down his stomach. he remembered the piercing green heat of lance's eyes when he'd realized jc had watched him with justin. jc remembered the searing tight heat of justin's body as he'd taken him, made him his, even if only for those brief, sweet moments. jc lay there on his bed and jerked off remembering the sweet moans and pants that had escaped justin as jc had made love to him. [that is what it was], jc thought, [making love. i love him. i want him to love me. he will love me. not lance.] as he gripped his cock tightly and remembered lance's eyes on him as he pounded into justin -- the boy he loved, the boy he would die for -- jc came. then he realized that tears were streaming down his face.

[my god, what have i done?]

without even bothering to clean himself up, jc rolled over and cried himself back to sleep.

***

"c, man, you there? open up, man!" jc awoke to pounding on his front door. he rubbed his red-rimmed eyes and stumbled to the door, yanking it open to reveal chris and joey, standing there and looking pissed. "nice to see you're still alive, man," joey said. jc stepped back and let his friends
enter his apartment.

"what do you guys want?" jc asked curtly, rubbing his temples. he had a
splitting headache.

"you to get your act together, jc," chris said, "why weren't you at rehearsal today?"

"i'm tired is all."

chris shook his head and said, "bullshit, josh, you're always tired and
you're still always at rehearsal. you work harder than the other four of us
combined. at least you used to. lately, man, you've been whacked. what
gives?"

joey nodded. "c'mon, jc," he added, "what's going on?"

jc looked at chris, then at joey, then back at chris again. under the
scrutiny of their gazes, jc felt like crying again. in that instant he knew
he'd fucked up with justin beyond all hope of repair. he might even have
already destroyed the group.

with that thought sitting like a rock in his stomach, jc told chris and joey
to go sit on the couch in the front room. they did, and jc went into the
kitchen and grabbed three cokes from the fridge. with the icy sodas in his
hands, jc shut the refrigerator with his elbow then leaned back against it,
silently praying for strength. he knew he had to tell chris and joey what
had happened the night before.

after handing the sodas to his friends, jc sat on the floor and leaned
against the wall. slowly, he told his bandmates all that had happened, from the innocent kiss with justin back in their days on MMC to all that he knew about justin and lance falling in love to his attempted seduction that ended in justin running away in tears earlier that morning. chris and joey
listened silently until jc had finished his story. "i'm sorry," jc said at
last, and he closed his eyes to keep the tears from returning.

chris let jc finish, but then he exploded. up from the couch he leapt, and
joey though he was going to kick jc where he sat on the floor. chris wanted to, but he showed a little restraint. "how could you, man?" chris hollered "fucking justin? he's [14 years old]!"

jc looked as defeated as he felt. "i know," he said quietly, "but you can't
help who you fall in love with."

"love? fuck! bullshit!" chris yelled back, "this isn't about love, this is
about the fact that you do not [fuck] your 14-year-old friend. you just
don't. god, jc, you are so old enough to know that!"

this time jc said nothing. he knew chris was right. joey and jc both let
chris bounce around the room yelling because they knew he would calm himself eventually, and his rants didn't need replies, they merely needed venting. jc took each of his words like a punch to the gut, but he said nothing in response. he knew he deserved the abuse.

when chris stopped pacing and hollering, he sat down on the couch again, and joey only waited a breath before saying softly, "jc, i don't know what to tell you, man. i'll respect your feelings for justin cause, yeah, it's a
tough call when you fall for someone, but he's not gonna be yours, c. he is
too young, you know that, and he's with lance. you need to work on getting over him, not trying to win him back. you will destroy the five of us if you keep doing stuff like the stunt you pulled today."

jc nodded again, and this time he let the tears come. he sat there, leaning
against the wall, eyes closed with tears coursing down his cheeks, as joey
continued.

"jc," joey said calmly, "if you really love justin, you won't put him in the
position you've put him in. if you really love him, you'll stop and see it
from his point of view, and you'll see how hard you've been making it for
him. you're someone he's always loved, always looked up to, and you're
acting crazy. what will he think?"

joey got up from the couch and came and knelt next to jc, who still did not open his eyes. "jc?" joey asked, "do you believe that?"

jc didn't respond.

"josh, man," joey continued, changing tactics, "forget about justin for a
minute. fuck, if you love yourself, man, you'll stop this shit. you're
driving everyone away. take some time, man, get your shit together, and come back to the group when you're ready to be friends with us again."

still jc made no reply, so joey softened his voice, "c, we still love you
man," he said, "and we'll be here for you whenever you need us." chris
nodded on the couch, even though jc couldn't see him. jc took a deep breath, then opened his eyes and his arms. joey took the cue and scooped jc into a tight hug, pulling him to his feet at the same time. "this must be hell for you," joey whispered, "to have to watch your boy with someone else. i'm sorry, c, really i am."

jc sniffled, and chris came over and took joey's place hugging jc. "you need us, we're here, josh. but no more of this self-destructive crap, kid. we need you at rehearsal. lance and justin need you, too, the old you who was -- and will be again -- their friend. justin needs you, josh, you know that. he's just a kid. he needs you to be strong, not to try to seduce him.
don't let him down," chris finished, squeezing jc's shoulder.

jc nodded and wiped his nose on his shirt sleeve, looking for all the world
like a 14-year-old himself. "thanks guys," he whispered, and joey gave him a sad smile.

"you need us, you call. now take care of yourself."

"i will," jc promised them as they made their way out of his apartment. [i
will], he echoed to himself. [i will.]