DontLetTheSunGoDownOnMe

~*~
I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
~*~

I am so sorry Lance. I'm not even sure what for, which disaster I am
apologizing for, just know that I am sorry.

Sorry I wasn't there for you...

Sorry I thought I could be there...

Sorry I was wrong.

Please forgive me.

~*~
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life
~*~

I thought I would be the one for you. The one you could always count on, and who could always count on you. I wanted to be that person Lance, believe me I did. I never thought it would be this hard to love you.

When I was younger, I always had this vision of the perfect love. One day, when I least expected to, I would meet this wonderful person who would make me want to laugh and cry, all at the same time. Someone who was both beautiful inside and out. Someone who loved me as much as I loved them. Never, in any of these daydreams, did this person have a face. Now that I think about it, I don't remember actually seeing a man or a woman specifically. It was just, an untouchable image; a feeling from deep down in my soul that this person, this shadowy figure, was my meant to be.

~*~
Too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
~*~

The very first day I met you Lance Bass, is a day I will never in my life
forget. I was sitting in the airport, bored out of my mind, and watching
Chris and Joey tie JC's shoelaces together while he slept. My mother was next to me, engrossed in the latest romance novel she had bought at the corner drugstore. I was about to excuse myself to wander around a bit, when I heard it. A deep, rich voice with a sharp Southern twang; a voice that to this day, still sends a chill down my spine and right to the very tip of my toes.

"Are you Justin?"

I turned slowly, not sure why my feet felt like lead all of a sudden, and
there you were. Your eyes, oh God those green eyes with little flecks of gold and honey in them, captured me right away. You were very feminine looking, with chubby pink cheeks and pouty red lips, but I knew then and there that you were mine.

It took a while for us to get together, but when it happened, it was unlike anything else. When I felt your body pressed up against mine in some random club, I was curious. When I felt your breath wash over my face and mingle with my own, I was pretty sure. When I felt you fingertips blaze a trail of fire over my skin, I was sure. When our lips touched, just the barest nudge of flesh on flesh, I knew. When our tongues met, both halfway out of our mouths and sliding over each other in the most erotic of ways, I was gone.

~*~
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light
~*~

It was beautiful, the first few months of our relationships. We moved
quickly, both excited to begin a new chapter of our lives with each other. We kissed for the first two weeks, touched for the next three, fondled and stroked for another month, and made love for the first time just two months into our relationship. We were young, me being 19 and you 20, almost 21, and it was great.

*We* were great.

But somewhere along the way, things got difficult. The harsh reality of life, of being a popstar, hit us and it hit us hard. Suddenly, everyone wanted a piece of us. Look like this, pose for this magazine cover, go to that awards show, smile and look pretty. We were exhausted Lance, and we didn't see it. How could we have been so blind? You were pulling away, I was pulling away, and we were falling apart; for good.

~*~
Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
~*~

We broke up just after the lawsuit. I remember it so clearly now, though it seemed like one big blur then. I remember crying a lot, clinging to you like a life preserver. In a way, you were one. I don't know how I would've gotten through it all without you. We broke it off right after we won the settlement, when we were supposed to be happy and free. No words were spoken, just a nod from you, a sigh from me, a quick hug and a kiss good-bye. That was it. There were no tears, no long talks about what went wrong, and no mentions of whose fault it was.

I went away for two weeks right after it happened. Not really a vacation, just some alone time to think about and analyze who I really am. I thought about it long and hard for an entire week. Who the hell am I? I am Justin Timberlake, popstar, poster boy, heartthrob, singer, songwriter, etc. I hated how that sounded, so I thought about it some more. You know what I came up with? Who I thought about? Everyone else but myself, that's who. I thought of JC, and how he and I have been best friends since before I can remember. I thought of Chris, who is like me in so many ways that it's scary at times. I thought of Joey, who can always make me smile, no matter what. I thought of Britney, Bobbie, my parents, Jon, Steven, Johnny, Lou, and a million others.
Most of all though, I thought of you. You, Lance Bass, my friend, my band mate, my partner in crime, my lover, my better half. You, Lance, are my soul mate.

~*~
I can't find, oh the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
~*~

As soon as I realized all of this, I fell apart. I cried for days, did you
know that? It was the first time I had ever cried over you, and I vowed that it would be the last. I came back from my "vacation" a new man, and I take pride in the fact that you noticed it right away. I was bigger, stronger, and also quite a bit tanner. Deep down though, I was scared out of my mind.

I sat down at my desk one day, determined to let you know just how deeply I felt about you the best way I knew how -- in song. I grabbed a brand new, crisp piece of lined paper, a blue ink pen, and sat down to write. Three hours later, I was still sitting perfectly still, my arm poised to write and the sheet of paper blank in front of me. When it began to get dark, I didn't move. I just sat there, knowing that the words would come soon. They had to.

Nothing ever came, and I went to bed with a mixed feeling of failure and loneliness buried deep within me.

It took me forever to figure it out, Lance. Why couldn't I just tell you how I feel? Why was it so hard? It finally hit me one day. You and I were out having lunch in a tiny little Italian restaurant, our booth hidden away in the dark crevices of the small place, when out of nowhere it hit me.

I, Justin Timberlake, popstar extraordinaire, was afraid of you.

You! Lance Bass, popstar and boy next door, who wouldn't hurt a fly. You, the same man who refused to eat lobster one time at Red Lobster because you, and I quote, "could never eat something that was staring up at you with such sad eyes." I am so afraid of you Lance, and I know that you're afraid of me too.

~*~
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal
~*~

You're scared because you think I might hurt you. Well, news flash Lance, that's exactly why I'm scared too. If you reject me now, after everything we've been through, it would be like the sun going down on me. You are my everything, and I can't lose you. I *refuse* to lose you.

We're both hurting Lance. We both have deep, emotional scars that stick out like a sore thumb, but only in the eyes of each other. We can heal each other, I just know we can, and I know you know it too.

~*~
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me
~*~

I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough Lance. I'm sorry that I'm not the kind of person who can sweep you up into their arms, kiss you deeply, and whisper words of comfort to ease your pain. I need you Lance, more than life itself. You are my everything, and if I were to lose you, I don't know what I would do.

So, until either you make the first move or I grow a backbone, both things that will most likely take a very long time (if not forever) to happen, I just have my memories -- a fragment of you and your life that I will forever carry with me.

And, for now, that will have to do.

THE END

Song used: "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" by Elton John"