| Analyzing Love |
| I just don�t understand it. How could anyone love me? As far as I�m concerned, everyone should hate my guts. Heck, I�d even hate myself. People say that I can get away with anything. That I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Where�d they get that idea? It may seem that way, but really, I can�t. I can�t do hardly anything. I can go on stage in front of 60,000 fans. But I can�t even go to the fucking grocery store by myself. �Oh my God, are you Justin Timberlake from *Nsync?� �Could you sign this?� �Oh, I love you so much!� But why do people love me? Because they think I�m hot? That�s not love. That�s lust. Because they like my personality? They don�t know shit about the real me. Because I�m a good singer? I may be, but that�s not a reason to love me. Thousands of people want me. Including one of my own band members. Yes, that�s right. Lance Bass is gay. And he loves me. Figure that out for me. I wonder how it could�ve happened. I try to find some good qualities in myself. I�m good at sports? Wait, Lance wouldn�t care about that, he doesn�t really even like them himself. Ok, what else? Could he just be lusting after me? What a conceited thought. Another reason not to love me. I have an ego the size of Texas. Ok, maybe not that big, but point taken, right? But he says he�s in love with me. That qualifies as more than lust. Maybe he�s just confused? Wait, Lance is the most unconfused person in this group. Is that even a word? Oh, who cares? Maybe it�s because we�ve known each other for so long and he�s just really comfortable around me. But if that�s the case, we�d all be in love with each other, right? Shit. I am such a loser. Why am I analyzing this to death? Why can�t I just leave it alone? Because that�s just the way I am. Ok, here�s something else I�ve been asking myself. These questions have been bugging me, too. Do I love Lance as more than a friend? And if not, could I ever? Because the feelings I�ve been feeling towards Lance lately, they could be love, right? Maybe. So how do I figure it out? How do I change maybe into a yes or a no? Analyze. What I do best. Ok. Here we go. Hey! That�s our song. How random was that? Way to get off track, Justin. Here I go: Lance Bass. 1/5 of *Nsync. One of the best friends I�ve ever had. That�s one point for �yes.� He�s gorgeous with his green eyes and spiky blondish brown hair. And that smile. Oh, his smile. His smile can brighten anyone�s day. Ok, that�s another one for �yes.� Um, what else? He�s not that good at sports. But does that really matter? At least he tries, right? So I guess that�s one for �no� and one for �yes.� Now� think, Justin, think. My mind is going to fry from all this thinking. Ha, wouldn�t that be a funny story on the news. Oops, changing the subject again. Focus. Back to Lance. He�s a great listener. I can always go to him with my problems. And he�ll not only listen, but he�ll try his best to give me some advice. And his advice *always* helps. Two more points for �yes.� Ok, then there�s the way that he hugs me. Tight, but not tight enough to choke me. And he always knows when to hug me. His hugs are so comforting. He knows when I�m upset and exactly what to say to cheer me up. It�s amazing. Is that two or three more for �yes?� Three sounds right. Another thing� he can read my mind. No, really. He can. It�s weird and scary and exciting and fun at the same time. Sometimes it�s a bad thing. Like when I lost my virginity to Britney, and then regretted it. He knew right away and he forced me to talk to him about it. That was really embarrassing. But it can also be good. Like when I�m having a hard time telling him something. Or when I�m crying so hard that I can�t talk. He always knows. So that�s one point for �no� and one for �yes.� What else? He�s so smart. And he�s not only business or school smart. He�s emotionally and socially smart too. He deals so well with every emotion I�ve ever expressed. And when he throws a party, no one wants to miss it. There�s two more for �yes.� Any more? There had to be more� Oh yeah, here�s a big one! He loves me. ME. Justin Randall Timberlake. It blows my mind. One more point for �yes.� Any that�s enough thinking for now. The final tally? 12 for �yes.� 2 for �no.� And now that I think about it� It doesn�t really matter that he can�t play sports. I can teach him. And I can live with the embarrassing parts of his mind reading abilities. You know what? I need to stop analyzing my relationship with Lance and go talk to him. And maybe I�ll even tell him I love him while I�m at it. THE END |