and i'm really really scared. i can't stop it from coming. i can't keep it away. sometimes it comes so slowly i think i will escape it. sometimes so fast that i become paralyzed with fear. it is relentless.
i feel wild. like i could do anything. i am not afraid of anything but the thing that stalks me. i want to fling myself at life. i want to distract myself by destroying myself. i want to rip off my skin and pull the flesh off my bones. i need to get down to the marrow. i need to smash my bones against the living. i want to cut people with the slivers of my insides. i want to know that i am not bleeding alone.