friendsrant

Friends are great, I love em, can't ever have too many. Especially the kind that steal your stuff, lie to your face, and talk behind your back. Bless them all. One guy I know told me when I first started talking to him, "There is no such thing as a true friend."
I find that to be true. Those I saw to be good friends at the time, I now avidly avoid at all costs due to the realization of who they are and how much I really hate them.
The constant cycle of trust founding, breaking, re-instating, and breaking again gets to be tiring. I never expect anyone to be my friend....whatever they see me as, that is perfectly o.k., as long as they understand that I am wary of everyone no matter WHAT!
In this day and age, where being better than everyone is what everyone strives for, mistrust is a good thing in many ways. I'm not saying I don't LIKE having friends mind you, i'm saying, they are great, as long as they last.
I recently lost my favorite movie, "The Last Unicorn" , so my boyfriend and my friend Mel went and bought me a copy of it & had it sent to me as a suprise. I was genuinley upset when I couldn't find my first copy, I was heartbroken. Then one day I get a package in the mail and lo and behold, it's a brand spanking new copy of "The Last Unicorn"! I was so touched that I actually started bawling my eyes out....I don't think I could have been any happier that day. ( Thank you you guys!!!!! )
( i've watched it 7 times since I got it 3 days ago )
I hope no one gets madat me for this, but then again, it proves my point.
More often than not, you are closer than an obese convention on a sizzlers when you first form a freindship, but you grow apart slowly as you learn what they are about.
The deeper you go into someone's soul, the more nasty things you find out.
My "best friend" of 7 years still has some of my clothes that I let her borrow 3 years ago.
The friendship went downhill when I let her borrow the shoes she got me for my birthday, and she "lost" them. When she found them ( 6 months later ) she had cut them so they better fit her feet and refused to give them back because she bought them.
I've never had a good close friend that I can truly open up to...as much as i'd love to, I simply can't.
Sorry everyone but I yam what I yam.
I'd like nothing more than to get down to the nitty gritty with people but I firmly believe that some of the things I have done should remain in the past. People are better off not knowing about them anyways. That's the problem with telling your deepest darkest secrets, some people may get disgusted with you and what you've done in the past, even though the past is that past and doubtless, you've learned a great lesson from it.
Sadly friendships rarely last, and the ones that do are truly worth living for.
I remind myself all the time, life is not like "Friends" no one gets along that well with one another. We don't all sit in coffee shops and talk about anything and everything, everyone has things they would rather not get into like it or not, and they more than likely have a damned good reason why they don't want to tell you.
I don't fear disgust or rejection. My past experiences have made me what I am, and for the most part, I like how i've turned out. I've made great accomplishments, and done great damage. I know no one person who could accept me for who I wholly am and could grasp my past.
Perhaps one of these days, i'll find someone, but I highly doubt that. No one is as accepting as they say they are and that is perfectly fine. Whatever happens happens, and who I find are my friends now, are great people no matter what happens in the future, I will always hold a place for each one of them in my heart. But all good things come to an end, some people can grasp that, some people can. I simply live in the moment and try hard not to make assumptions about my future with current people. After all... nothing is predictable, we are not all a Nosterdamus, we are simply human. Nothing more nothing less, and what we do shapes our future, and who we choose to spend it with, makes the present all the more better.
All my friends kick ass in thier own way. I dont expect them to stay or leave, I simply appriciate the fact that they are here with me in the first place.