| I'm wandering down a long hallway. What is at the end, I don't know. Someone is waiting for me, I think, but I don't know who, or if I even will be happy upon arriving there. Doorways open to me as I walk by, each containing a tempting prospect, a new jewel for my heart, something I desperatly want. Only one choice has what I really want, but I don't know which one that is. I cry, for I am lost...confused...wandering on for what seems like eternity. I seek...something I can't find, it seems like it will never be found. It seems like...I'd rather have the false, rather than the real sometimes. My heart feels old. It's full of more and more each time another door swings, and I look inside. How badly I want to explore each room, everything it holds, whatever it has to offer. I cringe in fear for, they all may have something I do not want. I walk on. I leave everything that came prior, I forget for a time, then I wish, I could only turn back. When I try, things come at me out of the gloom, then I run. I go farther than my turning point, and still on I run. I run...then I change, into something new, something is different...something is wrong. My footsteps fall heavier, and I care less at each turn, each door, each thing within. Still I roam, feet hurting, heart aching, head spinning...wishing...longing...crying. The hallway is dark, there is no light yet to be seen. Another door flings open, I peer inside, then I leave. I can't see what I am looking for, nor can I tell when it may or may not be there. Perchance I go into this room, and see what it has to offer me. I get lost in it for a time, but then I grow bored...or confused, I struggle to find the way out, and when I do, I lock the door behind me. Leaving behind everything I once could call my own. I feel myself becoming harder, darker, the gloom deepesns, and my eyes begin to ache. Still I walk on, forever searching, forever curious, forever wanting. The voices begin, they call out to me, cajoling, begging, convincing. I want none of them. The hands from my invisible choir begin grasping at me, pleading, and smothering. I find it hard to breathe, but still I walk on...hoping and hurting at every twist, and the darkness forever deepens. More hands, more voices, more doorways. My soul begins to wither...yet I still trudge on, now with a heavy head and heart. I stare at the ground. I don't want to see, hear, feel, or look anymore, but I can't help it, I have to. A tiny flame of hope burns faintly inside me and...it won't let me stop, I have to go on. No matter how hard I try, I just...can't. My feet won't listen to my head...they ignore how tired I am, how ill I feel, how much I just want to lay on the floor and cry, cry it all away. Wash away the darkness, drown the voices, and the hands. I want to be innocent again, in the light, no more searching desperatly, just exploring, not caring, happy...again. |
| "It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop"--Confucious |