| "Every day I fight a war against the mirror. I can't stand the person staring back at me. I'm a hazard to myself. Don't let me get me, I'm my own worst enemy. It's bad when you annoy yourself, so irritating. Don't wanna be my friend no more, I wanna be somebody else."--Pink "Dont Let Me Get Me" |
| I am seriously getting violently ill with myself. I really hate what I've become sometimes. I'm not who I used to be last year, last month...I'm changing, and I doubt it's for the better. For some reason...I'm out of my own hands, and I want to stop being the way I am and doing the things I do, but it's so hard. I can't find the encouragement to actually pick my ass up off the floor and do something about myself. I admit, I do have some serious issues going on here, I know I do, but I dont know what, or why. This is going completly out of control. I find myself doing things, or saying things that make me so ill, when I actually stop to think about it. I never took much time out to think about the risky situations I put myself in. I've been selfish really, only thinking about the end, and not the means. I over analyze everything to the point of ridiculousness, but when it really gets down to the wire, I go out of control. I never pause to think, and the day after, all I can think is "Oh my god..." Shame on me. At least I'm having some sort of little revalation, I could be still sitting around with my finger up my nose, drooling, and thinking everything is going fine. For what it's worth, I've had a wonderful ride while living on the edge and not giving a rats ass about anyone but me, but I think I need to really drop my badass trip and start behaving myself. I have all these new priorities that I have been neglecting, friends I ignore, things I wont take responsibility for... Kinda tired of living with my head up my ass. So lets see how long I can keep this up. Cross your fingers for me. |