Bitch7

I talked to someone I haven't talked to in months, my friend Bear from Nevada. I met him sometime last summer, we only hung out for an hour or two, and we had a blast together. He wants me to come stay with him for a week or two this summer. Talking to Bear again just brought out all these old feelings that I haven't felt in forever. Probably since I saw him last. He was the first good looking guy to ever approach me on the street and give me a good pick-up line. I was blushing for what felt like hours. He knows what he's doing I'll tell you that.
We walked around Saturday Market for hours talking and hanging out, like old friends it felt like, even though he was a complete stranger. His family liked me, we all had a chat on the max. Nice people, seemed sane-ish. I cant lie and say that the thought of moving to Nevada hasn't crossed my mind...am I insane for thinking about re-locating for an almost stranger?? I dunno, afternoon talk shows and court tv have taught me nothing I guess. He wants to move up to Portland anyways, so I don't have to worry about it. He loves it up here for some reason.
I think he's insane in a sexy bitch sort of way.
I read his letters alot, the first one was by far the sweetest, he said he wanted to kiss me the day we met, I melt awwwwww!!! Now it's like a standing joke...I always tell him he's done something wrong and he owes me extra ones. I should start keeping track of how many he actually does owe me but that would ruin the fun.
It's odd for me to harbor feelings for someone I've only seen for a few hours and then only talk to sporadically over the phone or by mail. However, they've developed, the night he told me he was seeing his ex-girlfriend, I got really upset and thought that I'd never have a chance again. Bear is a great guy, I know I'd never let him go. Thank god he dumped her. He told me all about her, she's a psycho from what I've heard. God I hope people don't talk about me like that...besides my ex boyfriends that I trampled for no reason.
I miss my ex ****, I know I am insane for missing him, he'd never take me back for what I did to him, publically embarassed him and rubbed his imperfections in his face for no reason. I think the whole love thing he was feeling creeped me the hell out and pushed my cruel streak to the edge and I snapped. Shit happens though. I can't turn back time, if I could, I would take back some of the awful things I have said to people in the heat of an argument. Even though most of them sorely needed to hear alot of it. Sometimes being a bitch is a curse, but I must pay for the upsides, I know I can hold my own, and I accept the reprocussions.
Call me chivalrous or whatever. Bah.
I miss the movies on the weekends, and his annoying ass brothers who made fat cracks at me, I miss his Mom and her cooking, I miss getting ready for him to pick me up and being all psyched out about it. Whenever I play around with my Hatchet Man, all these dopey ass memories come flooding back of weekends with our friends, drinking, and hangin out. *SIGH*
I know if he read this, he'd crack up and show it to all his friends, then they would all laugh at me, then I'd feel like a little weak girl again. Risky buisness this online bitchfest...
Oh well, whatever. I'm going to go smoke another bowl and finish up my painting.
**MUAH** Elizabeth